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Don't Preach

2012-02-10T23:50:00.001-05:00

According to this customer im speaking with, she had asked me what religion i am. I hate these convo's. I told her i am undecided. She asked me what i was raised as, i said Methodist, which is true. She then proceeded to tell me that i have issues with work. That i need to re-read the bible.

Problem is, I've read the bible. New and Old Testament. I Don't care. It's a great story.

Every time i try to interrupt her, she just keeps going on and louder. i can't hang up, it's against work policies and can get written up for it.

I dont mind the occasional discussions on religionS. However, i hate being preached to. Nothing worse to me, then forcing religious beliefs on me.

Made the mistake once and told a guy who kept preaching to me, when he asked me what i was, i said satanist. Yeah....not only did i get written up, but that provoked him i swear he caught fire in his house.

Lie to me, beat me, steal from me. Don't preach to me.

Achievement Unlocked

2012-01-31T16:18:00.000-05:00

Everyone looks for milestones. Be it your anniversary, the length at a job, a new baby, we all hope to be there for at least a few of these.

So in a weeks time, I will hit one of these. Nothing major, but to a company, it's on the bottom of the milestone list. Five years at the same job. Five years...

To some that's not a lot. Especially those who have been at their job for 10, 15, 20 years or longer. But event hey hit their 5 year mark at one point.

What's messed up about this really, is the fact that when our company was bought out, they did away with a lot of the little things that made the employee feel good. Not just about the company, but about their jobs and themselves. Things like getting signed cards from Employee Relations Manager for your birthday. Signed cards from the CEO for Christmas. It was one of those rare times, that they took the time out of their busy days, to do the very smallest task. They weren't auto signatures, or some secretary. But they did take the time to do such a thing. Makes you feel good in a small way.

So where's this going...? Well, my letter arrived today. Sitting on my desk when I got to work. Thanking me for 5 years of service. That i'm a valued member of the team, (can they get any more generic?). The guy who signed this letter doesn't even know what I do or what I have done for this company in the last 5 years. I doubt he realizes I am also the recipient of an award for outstanding performance, above and beyond my daily duties. Also by the way, the new company took those away as well.

The fact that I helped start a department that was a new avenue to this company, to co-write a lot of the training material to be used company wide for said department and to create both the logo that has been trademarked and the customer facing software, only to be outsourced for that department with out so much as a thank you? Think the 5 year accomplishment doesn't mean a whole lot any more.

As I watch this company do what our government is doing to it's people, they go hand in hand. Almost like they are married. Yes i'm thankful I have a job. But trust me, I've been looking. I've always been about communication in both directions and respect. And this company doesn't seem to care about either of those.

So enough of my rant. Until I can find another job, I'll just take this one, one day at a time.

I Want To Know

2012-01-26T13:43:00.002-05:00

This was originally posted over at Google+. It speaks so many truths. In away I can relate to this. In away, though I have a million thoughts running through my head, this is how I feel. How I am.

“It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow, if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of further pain!I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it, or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day,and if you can source your own life from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, “Yes!”
It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have. I want to know if you can get up, after the night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone, and do what needs to be done to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.”

You're a Seeker

2012-01-26T00:46:00.000-05:00

So someone posted a Visual DNA Personality exam on Google+ this evening. I don't mind taking these things from time to time. As it can be a good time waster. And it's always interesting as to what comes out in the end. I mean i took the Myers Briggs personality test and that was spot on if I've ever seen test results.

Anyway, the results of this test are about 90% accurate to me. And comparing these to the Myers Briggs test and my life, it's pretty freaky how accurate these things can be. Anyway this is what my DNA test says I am.

You're a Seeker

Spirit:
You're a Seeker. A good listener with a heart of gold, you're someone your friends know they can rely on for support and advice in good times and bad. You're kind and generous and helping others comes naturally. A sensitive soul with an expressive nature, you tend to be quite a romantic at heart. Sometimes you love nothing more than escaping into your very own dreamworld. Spontaneous new experiences can be really inspiring to you and you like exploring your creative side from time to time. Right now, life probably seems quite stressful. You feel like you never get any time for yourself. Your sensitive nature means you value having deep connections with a few good friends. It's vital that you make the time to connect with the people who understand you. It's important to remember to tap into your inner strength and to believe in yourself. Take on new challenges and stay stimulated so you remain enthusiastic and inspired by life. As a Seeker, you get excited by new ideas. You like adventure and original experiences that stimulate and challenge your status quo. Stay inspired with a rich mix of activities, and find time for hobbies that allow you to explore your creative side. Learn to recognize when you need variety in your life, and then incorporate it into your daily plans. There's no better way to feel centered and balanced than to spend some time out in the fresh air. You understand that a change of scenery can reinvigorate you and remind you of what matters most in the world. Remember, it's not a luxury but a necessity, so allow yourself that quiet time as often as you can.

Relationship:
For you, the sign of a good relationship is that you don't stress out about the small stuff. You may have your ups and downs, but there's no one you'd rather spend the rest of your life with. As a True Romantic, you've got a whole lot of love to give and you like to lavish your partner with romantic gestures. You have strong instincts and a good understanding of who you are and what you want from life. You like to follow your dreams and believe in happy endings. You are expressive and enjoy coming up with new ways to show your partner how much you love him. Intense experiences appeal to your sensual side. It's all about immersing yourself in the fairy-tale feelings of being in love. For you, it's the little things that make being in love so special: a sunset stroll on a beach, holding hands at the movies and feeling protected and cared for.

Money:
The way to your heart is through your stomach! While you're happy to get creative in the kitchen, you'd love to be able to eat in amazing restaurants whenever the mood strikes. You have a very healthy approach to life. You know that true happiness doesn't come from material things or possessions. It goes much deeper than that and is all about valuing those things you can't put a price on. You like to care for those around you, and if they're happy, you're happy. You appreciate that both highs and lows make up the balance of life and you always try and stay spiritually strong and focused.

Health:
Unappealing as it may seem, it would be good to try to be a bit more active every day. You might be surprised at how much you'd actually enjoy regular exercise. It may sound hard to believe, but endorphins are better than chocolate if you just give them a chance! You may even find that you're in a better mood more often. Start off with something that isn't too intimidating, like climbing the stairs instead of taking the elevator. You might even consider signing up for a few personal training sessions in the gym so that you have a program that's tailored just for you. You may need to think about making a few changes what you eat too. Maybe you could try making homemade versions of your favorite restaurant meals to reduce the sodium and fat content and eat healthier without compromising too much on taste.

Home:
Ever stopped to dream about your perfect life, even for a bit? Thought so! In fact, your grounded nature suggests your dream life isn't too far out of reach. You're not fantasizing about exotic villas or huge mansions - you'd probably be more comfortable in a beautiful house in the suburbs. A nice neighborhood and friendly neighbors would go a long way for you.

(though this is partial true, I would love for a home in the mountains by a river or lake of clean water and woods. Close enough to civilization when needed, but quiet and peace all around)

Entertainment:
You're a techie. You love getting your hands on the latest shiny gadget that's going to revolutionize your world. If it's cool and shiny, you're probably going to want it! Logical and practical, you like to know how things work. And when it comes to chilling out, catching up on the blogosphere or chatting with your friends online with a coffee is one of life's little treats.

(again partial truth. Anything that tinkers can tinker with is me. Old, new, future.)

Style:
You like to take things easy. Life's busy enough without having to worry about getting dressed up every day. It's about maximum comfort with a splash of style, so it's hard to beat your favorite pair of jeans. But don't forget how good it can feel to give yourself a makeover every now and then. It can work wonders for your self-esteem to refresh your wardrobe, spruce up your hair and put on a great. So make sure you schedule a shopping trip every few months. You deserve it!

Travel:
You're inquisitive, open-minded and interested in history. You love to discover new things and experience new places. For you, the tourist trail is best avoided. After all, it's the hidden gems that make traveling so exciting! You love to thoroughly immerse yourself in culture, so chances are you'll end up in a museum or gallery at some point on your trip.

(this couldn't be more further from the truth then anything so far.)

Link to test with the images I chose

Annie Oakley Before the Matrix

2012-01-25T19:30:00.000-05:00

So during dinner break, I was talking with another employee and the security guard. Not sure what started the conversation, but it ended up on the beatings we used to get as kids.

Anyway, here's my story.

Back in the late 70's to mid 80's a lot of woman would wear those wooden Dr Scholl's sandal. You know, the ones with the wooden bottoms and leather foot straps. Between my mom and my aunt, they were like Annie Oakley with those things. Now my cousins and I used to get spanked a lot. And i mean a lot. And a good majority of the time was with these sandals.

Now, where's does Annie Oakley fit into this picture? Well, the house we lived in had a long hallway on one side where all the bedrooms were. The other side was the other rooms. Now this hallway was about 40' in length and had 3 ways to go from the bedroom side to the other rooms.

There were more times then not, when one of us would do something and try running away. All the time knowing that one of those sandals was headed our way. There were quite a few times, we would run down through the dinning room, into the living room, cut across the hall and into one of the bedrooms. Mostly mine.

Well they got the gist of it. And soon, by time we stepped foot into the hall, the shoe was already in mid flight, target locked on. And no more then a step or two into the hallway, the shoe found it's mark on our legs or foot, knocking us down.

We would look up and they would be standing there with both hands on hip. Then they would pull the second one out of their holster and start toward us. We learned fast, DON'T MOVE. Because if you did, it was something out of the Larry Bird, Michael Jordan commercials. That second shoe would go out the window, around the house, through one room, duck the lamp, down the hallway and find our asses AGAIN!

Now, as time went on and we got our spankings, we had gotten better at ducking and dodging those shoes. We had the matrix down before the matrix was cool.

I'm not sure if we got that good or if we just tired out their arms. Because soon the shoes started to disappear for other weapons of spank destruction.

In the end, we probably got some beatings we didn't deserve. Then we got some that even the Pope would have said we needed. I can look back and smile and laugh now. However, when ever I go to NY for vacation to visit, i swear out of the corner of my eyes, I seem them take the Annie Oakley stance before i get to the door as I leave.

To Be Different, Or To Not Be Different

2012-01-25T01:32:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I wonder if I would have turned out different? What do I mean by that? Not quite sure myself, but it's been a question I've been asking myself for years. And here's why. Since I was very little. New born for that matter, I've suffered a lot of head trauma. Things things i've learned over the years from my family is enough to sometimes make you wonder why I haven't slaying them all.

For starters, as a new born, maybe a year old, I fell into a lake. Down a cliff of about 15-20'. All the while my aunt and uncle are up top arguing who's job it is to watch me, so in turn it's who's job it is to get me out of the water. This from their own mouths.

When I was a little older, I fell out of the carriage onto my noggin in the center of the road. What the hell. i know i'm thick skulled in all, but damn. A few years later at the age of 5, I was in a serious accident, to which not only my mother, but my aunt as well (the one who seemed to think i could swim at a year old) along with the people from the house who called the fire dept, all thought I was dead. As my head had impacted the heat controls on the dash and I ended up on the floor under my mothers feet. Back in the 70's seat belts were not mandatory at this time. It wasn't until much later that I had woken up to climb up on my moms lap, before the emergency crew arrived and passed back out that they realized I was alive. A few short years later, I was in another accident that also bounced my head off the dash. This time I awoke in the back of an ambulance with the cops asking me questions. All i recall is asking for my mom and screaming that I hated my uncle. For he was the one who was driving. And the same uncle who also thought I could swim at the year old mark. All of this by time I'm 7.

I remember a lot of things from that point on. But I don't remember much before that. I feel as if parts of my life, I knew things that I should not know at such a young age. I remember feeling a lot of compassion for others. Feeling a lot of resentment for such the smallest of things. I remember at the age of 8 or 9, my grandmother and mother took me to the local YMCA for a Sunday movie. It was a movie called Joni, based on the real life events of a young girl who is a quadriplegic, due to a swimming accident. I remember the ushers at the Y asking my mom to keep my quiet or we would have to leave. Why? I was a young boy crying because someone I did not know had to struggle through life with a disability that made her almost want to kill herself. And i remember for the longest time after that, I was saddened when I would see on the news or read about such incidents in the papers. Hell, I haven't even hit puberty yet.

Over the years, I suffered more head injuries from sports and a few more accidents, none by the way in which i was driving. I can't count the number of times I've been knocked unconscious.

My reading comprehension was always low. But yet the harder the scientific issue or math issue was, I could do it. I could figure it out given enough time with out much help from others. BUT, the easier the problem, the more i struggled to find the common denominator to get to the finish line. Even to the point, they had me in special reading classes up til Jr High. I could sleep each day in science class and not hear a word the teacher said. yet take the quiz on Friday in class and almost ace. All without cracking the book. At one point, the teach accused me of cheating on the final. So in front of him, the superintendent and principal, i took an oral final exam and missed 4 questions. So they passed me.

And it's been almost a rinse and repeat effect through out the rest of my life up to now. Yet, I struggle to grasp some of the more common issues of life. I try to make sense of things but take the long way around park, when the entire time the answer is no more then a few feet from me.

I am no rocket scientist. Never went to Harvard or some other Ivy League school. Not a lawyer or politician or doctor. I'm just the average Joe that you see on the streets. Day by day i take it. But sometimes I wonder, if i the head injuries have some how messed with me? I wonder if somehow, I would have been less of a person then I am or if I would have been more?

I've had tests and scans done. But they never found nothing. Like they couldn't find the cause of my severe headaches that if not promptly subdued, would paralyze me until the did subside. Soon they did disappear. But they came back a few years ago. Just as strong. I've been lucky though the last year or so. They've been dormant. Minus the occasional migraine or tension headache.

Anyway, to end this long ass rant/question... I guess I will always wonder if I couldn't have been different. Or even if I want to be different.

Ghost Ridden Bike

2012-01-24T23:51:00.000-05:00

So for the longest time now, eh, about 4 years. I've been wanting to rebuild a bike from back in my day that was to me, the second holy grail of 80's freestyle BMX history. It was the Day Glo Pink bike ridden at the time by Krys Dauchey.

The only female rider at the time to compete at pro level in the same competitions as the men. And of course, every teen boys wet dreams at the time. Though I did rebuild the same bike I had as a kid, 86' GT Pro Performer, there's always been 2 bikes I wanted to have.

But alas, things change. I won't sell my Pro Performer. But this Krys rebuilt bike has to go. I've sunk over $500 into it and it still going to take another grand or so to get all the parts and to get it powder coated. One expensive carpet queen there.

I was excited to find such an amazing group of people my age that still ride these bikes. Woman, men and their kids. Fun. Laughter. IT's what BMX was always about. But over the last few years, with health concerns, work and family, I've fallen out of it. I want to keep cruising around on my bike. But I miss those guys a lot. I just never thought I brought as much to the table as a lot of those guys did. So I guess i'm also to blame for the fall out.

However, the sport itself will always have a special place in my heart. Even though back in the day, we weren't doing double front flips or flairs. And street was all about technique and not a hi wire balance act of straight spin moves.

In The Eye of The Beholder

2012-01-22T16:31:00.000-05:00

A friend of mine asked me today, why a majority of my art is nothing but females. A question that I get a lot of times. And the answer is, I don't know.

I guess that over the years, I've watched people. Paid attention to their actions, their expressions, their being. And in the end, I find woman are more intuitive to show things that men can't.

Though woman have been known as "Life Givers", woman also have a way of showing more ranges of emotion then men. Another question that is asked a lot is what's your favorite part of the body of the other sex. My answer is always the same. The eyes.

When I look at a woman, the first thing I do is look into their eyes. Not just at them to see what color they are. But into them. The eyes have always been said to be the window to that persons soul. A lot can be told about a person, if you can read their eyes.

When I do any art piece, i'm always looking for some kind of emotion. Be it happy, sad, indifferent. Rage, lust, passion, it's there. And the thing that I have found out over the years is, a woman can show one or more of these at the same time and not know it.

Don't take me wrong, I'm not some guy with insecure or infidelity issues. I like to look at a woman naked as much as the next man. But I see more. I see more range of emotions and expression in a woman with clothes on as I do with them off. Sometimes, I like to see a woman dressed more so then naked due to this fact.

Women hold power. Not weight lifting power, but power in general. The power to heal, hurt and love. The power to to bend things at will and the power to seduce all by looking. This is why I find the eyes the most attractive. Fluid movement of emotions.

Over the years, I've had to sketch both men and woman, clothed and naked for art classes. More time then not, I found myself starring the the lines, curves and the radiance given off by the woman then I did the man. And it always showed in the piece I was doing. Not some pornographic image. But shades of color, line thickness and shapes.

To be honest, I don't know why. I just find woman more inviting to create and establish something that others may not see. Call me nuts, call me what you may wish. But i guess the adage is true. That beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Maury Says, You're ........ The Father

2012-01-22T16:00:00.001-05:00

Okay, this might get a little hard on me. And it is quite long. Some of you may not understand. But after last weeks revelations, yet again, I get turned upside down.

Technically, I have three (3), yes count them, three fathers. My biological father, the guy who's name is on my birth certificate and the guy who took it upon himself to raise me knowing I was not his. With the later being the man whom I call dad.

As I was growing up, my parents (the last of the three men) split. I would spend sometime at my dads house during the summers. But the majority of it was spent at my moms. And for the longest time, up until I was a teen, I would blame my mom for their split, though i knew deep inside that was not the case.

During my years of growing up, another man came into my life that I did not know. He being my biological father. Or so it now seems to be not the case. The first time I met this man, he had a girl with him. A few years younger then me in fact. They were around for a summer. The girl and I played together a lot. But they never did stay at our house. This is a key point to this. One day, they just weren't there.

A few years later when i was a young teen, he showed back up. But she was not with him. It was at this time, that I found out that this man was my biological father. It was at this time, that he showed something that some would try to assume was fatherly duties. Yet again, a very short time later, he was no longer there.

Being me, i was inquisitive. Still am, so I guess I learned young. I began asking and grilling members of his side of the family for years to get the truth. Only to be shunned, spurned and treated like I was the Son of Satan. During all these years, I would keep getting the same tidbits. So I had a life puzzle to put together with no clues. Hell, I always liked scavenger hunts. This one however, would take half of my life up to this point.

Back in 1997 while i was ending my college life, I was dating a girl going on 4 years. Out of the blue, this guy showed up again. By this time, both of us had an understanding who he was. But at this point I would not and could not call him dad, father or anything less then a dick. But we did get a long. It was at this time, he went with me to Ohio to pick up my girlfriend at the time, so she could come back to NY for Christmas that year to spend some time with me and my immediate family. Few days later, Houdini struck again. that was the last time I had seen him or spoken with him until last week. That covers a span of 15 years.

Now, during all this time. I was under the assumption that I had a sister. Where did I get that idea from you ask? Well, the little girl that he had brought with him the first time I met him. According to people on his side of the family, she was in fact my sister. Different mother, same father. I always wanted a sister. So during all these years, I would keep asking about her and when the internet finally became the norm, I kept trying to find her, based on what few clues of her name and possible locations I had. All to no avail.

Skip forward about 20 years. I logged into Facebook last week to post a image for stopping SOPA/PIPA. I hadn't been to Facebook in months. There was a message waiting for me, in which I thought it might have been a friend from the BMX world. No, It's was my sister. She had found me. I'm elated. Static and even overjoyed. We began to talk about our pasts. A lot of questions. She remembered things that only the two of us would know. Things we did as kids that one summer she was around.

I ended up calling her that night. And we have spoken a few times on the phone during all last week. Now, here's what really pisses me off beyond no end. After our first phone call, I find o ut that this father of mine, live about an hour away. And that he is on Facebook. (all of this is in another post on this blog)

Needless to say he emailed me. The content of this email was heart shattering to say the least. He states without doubt, that this girl is not my sister. That he is not her father. That his sister likes to make things up. And not to stop at the her level on that. Then he proceeds to tell me, that he may not be my father. That he had no reason to doubt my mother. And that while he was in the service around the years of my conception and birth, he wasn't in NY that often.

Talk about a slap in the face. All these years of a possible lie. All these years of false presumptions based on words from family, (supposed) family members. We had carried on our email conversation for a few days. in the end, he gave me his number to call him. My only reply was, "Don't be hesitant if I don't, after all it's been 15 years."

So I sent this email to my (sister?). And we have spoken a few more time and even had text conversations through the week. Some information, if in fact was true from the supposed family members. In that she has had a hard time with drugs. More then once. Though I would love to help, that I long to help, i can't. Not because she may not be my sister. For all intense and purposes, SHE IS my sister. And I told her that. Based on our conversations, she keeps referring herself as a total fuck up. She has to be willing first to help herself. Then and only then can I offer some morale support. But that's as far as it can go. Don't ask me why. As I sat here the other night and thought deep and hard to the point I started to cry. But that was the same answer I came back to.

I thought about all the consequences. And the consequences of those actions, and built a tree. And for some reason, all branches lead back to the same answer. And I can honestly say, I don't know why.

But be that it may, a part of my life in which stood an empty hole for so long has been closed. I found something that I had spent a better part of my life searching for. Now, whether or not it turns out to be the real thing or not, who knows. But to me, it is real. To me, sometimes a heart with stands the battle tested time of lies, deceit and emptiness.

We may not ever be chummy buddies. Nor may we even see each other for a few more years, if ever. But the fact that I can speak with her means a lot.

As for my (father?), i might call him. I might even go see him. Why, call it curiosity. Call it what ever. I may even fork over the cash for DNA testing. If it comes out that he is my father, will my feelings change toward him? Probably not. Though I was raised by a single mom, she did the best she could to teach both my brother and I respect and love. But I find it very hard to both love and respect someone who doesn't show it in return. If he's not my father, then nothing changes. Regardless of either way it is, we won't be best pals. We won't go out for a drink or to a race. We will just continue the way we have for the last 20 or so years.

Call me ignorant. Call me what ever. But through my life's journey so far, I've become cynical with the best. I've learned to forgive where it can be forgiving. And in the end, I may forgive and forget. But a part of me will always be empty and hurt.

Update:

2012-01-18T04:09:00.003-05:00

So after 20+ years of not seeing my half sister, we spent about an hour on the phone. It wasn't all glitz and glamorous lights. Just a lot of questions. More so headed at me. A lot of memories from the last time we did see each other and only things either of us would know. And a lot of wonders and curiosities.

There's more to come hopefully, but in the meantime, I am happy. But i'm also sad. Angry to say the least because of the history in our fathers side of the family. And the fact that she has not seen him in more time then I have. And it's been about 15 years for me.

The call did end up with her breaking down and crying. A lot to handle I suppose. We've both agreed to stay in touch. And I know there are more questions to come from both sides. As twenty years is a long time. And apparently I have a niece.

During our conversation, she did tell me that our father was on Facebook. hmmmm, bad mistake. But she knew nothing. I mean how could she after all these of not knowing me. Best of all, not knowing about me! So I found him and sent him a message. It wasn't the go fuck off message that has been floating around in my head for 15 years. And it sure in hell wasn't the oh I miss you message. Just a message asking for answers. And come to find out, he lives an hour away. Oh what a small fucking world we live in.

Will I see him. Probably not. But who knows. It depends on the answers I get. As I've told him, I've grown past all the childish games. Guess we'll see when the time comes.

But at least, I found something tonight that I lost so long ago. A part of me that has been empty, wanting to know and hoping one day to get it back. Whether or not her and I continue to speak or not, I can partially close that hole now.

Long Lost

2012-01-18T02:15:00.004-05:00

I just got the biggest surprise ever. Not only did I start to cry, but I got scared at the same time. So what could bring a man to tears and make him cringe, other then the news of a pregnancy or that your better half accepted your down on one knee proposal?

My Sister!

Last time I saw her, we were both in jr high. We have the same father, but different mothers. She was never around that much. Always disappearing with her mom. But all of the relatives on that side never seemed to care. For her or for me. As we were some sort of curse on them. That whole side of the family, well it can rot in eternal hell for all i care.

However, I have been looking for her for over 20 years now. Each and every time, I would get the same answers from those jackass's. And never the right ones.

Tonight, i went to FB, which I haven't done in awhile, and uploaded the wiki image to see a friend request. Low and behold, there she was. I replied and asked her if it was in fact her.

I'm scared. I'm happy. i don't want to come off as some kind of nut. So i started a conversation, so now we'll have to see how it goes.

Two things tonight actually put me in a better mood. With this being the 2nd.

The conversation doesn't seem to be going where I thought it would. However, I can't expect her to remember me. And dropping a bombshell, "oh hi, by the way, I'm your half brother" doesn't seem to go over well.

Black out Day

2012-01-18T00:56:00.000-05:00

So today begins the 24 hour marathon of Black Out Day. So what is Black Out Day? Well, it's the tech community and others who are against the SOPA and PIPA bills currently being looked at by the US govt.

Now there's been a lot of talk on the net for quite awhile now about both of these. So I'm not going to go into a long winded rant on this. But I will say, these bills MUST NOT PASS!

If you want to learn more about these bills, follow the links below.

Wikiepedia

Google

SOPA BILL

PIPA BILL

On Strike

2012-01-17T01:15:00.005-05:00

Trying to figure out why people in this house have an aversion to taking out the trash can when it's full, yet they can continue to stuff it full of shit until you can't fit no more in. I mean really, it's less then 20 feet from where the can sits to the garage with the cans that go to the trash man.

And what's worse, Is if the can can't be filled anymore, then someone walks out to the garage and dumps off a small bag of garbage full of shitty and pissy diapers from their kid. So, we walk by a full garbage can to take out a bag? And to make it better, half the time, the bag they do drop off isn't closed. And most of it ends up on the floor. Next time, the bag goes back in the room.

With a 9 year old and a 28 year old in the house. Is it to much to ask for to taking the fucking trash out instead of sitting on Facebook all day? One of these days, I just might throw out everything. And by that, I mean everything.

Orchids of Seduction

2012-01-16T20:37:00.001-05:00

So there's been a movie that's been sitting in my Netflix Que for sometime now. I just never got around to watching it. I have however, seen this movie multiple times years ago when I was younger. I mean, it's a teens wet dream. The movie? Wild Orchid with Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis.

So why was I watching this again? Don't know. It was there, so I pushed play. Well, I'm not trying to re-live my teens years that's for sure. Most of those years, bar one or two, I want to leave as far behind as I can. Also, it's not like watching porn. Well, maybe softcore. But who needs it? I'm married. Oh wait, sex is non-existent when you get married! For most anyway.

Anyway, I remember when I was younger, that the movie showed me what living on the unknown could possibly be like. It showed me what passion and seduction could be. All with out a simple touch. It showed me something that I had longed for when I met the right girl. Remember, most of my teen years need to be left forgotten.

There was once a time, back in college, that the girl that I was dating, we could have filed the roles of the two main characters in this movie. There were a few moments in our 5 year relationship that were as steamy as the last two love scenes in the movie. And it only strengthened our relationship. Until it came time for us to part ways due to our studies.

Since that time, I've been quiet on the western front. There have been a few times of sensual height, but never anything as close to those times with the young lady from college. The seduction, as we both seduced each other, the passion, the raw meaningful moments that make you feel like nothing you've felt before. Not knowing what was going to happen next, only to enjoy the sure happiness and pleasure.

Watching the movie, It was if something awoke inside of me. Some that has long been buried. Feelings, urges to be re-explored and manifested into something that you can only feel at the right time. Something I have longed for for years. But, something that broke the mood when my wife spoke up and said, "All I see are tits, ass and screwing." I looked over and said, well, "It is an old Mickey Rourke film." She nodded.

Way to ruin the mood. I was getting into the movie. Not because of the sex and nudity. Okay, well partially. But into the atmosphere, the feeling I was getting looking into her eyes, her body language. The way he spoke, the way he was able to draw emotions with out touching. It was as if I was back to being with the girl from college. Maybe the wife picked up on that? That's why she made her comment. Though we've never discussed my past relationships, except one. And it wasn't like I was moaning and groaning on the couch or doing anything I shouldn't be doing.

So going back to my other post , I have been having this dream. A dream of a place that I've never been and probably will never be. With a person I've never fully seen their face. But it is someone I know, just don't know who. Doing things that were and all the way out of this movie.

As it seems, even my current relationship is slightly strained. Seven years and going. But the spark that was once there seems to be a kindle ember now. I guess in the end, it comes down to the fact that I lost something in me years ago. Something that I haven't been able to find. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But there is a part of me that is looking. A part of me that does desire to rekindle the passion in me.

At times, I feel like the main character. At times, I cannot express myself in feelings. I cannot enjoy the pleasures by touching. The longing of something that I cannot physically or emotionally understand. But, like the main character in the end of the movie, I am hoping one day, that it will come back. The passion, the understanding. The ability to feel and know that all I have is here.

Not Knowing

2012-01-15T04:08:00.001-05:00

Growing up with ADD was a bitch. Especially in the 70's and 80's. For the most part, teachers thought you were just unruly. Can't tell you how many times I got physically punished in school for being bored and trying to find something to me that was constructive. Over the years, I've developed a good feeling for insomnia. Not as good as I used to when I was younger and could go 2-3 days on no sleep. As of the last 8 or so years, I can got maybe 48 hrs max. However, a 5 minute power nap and I'm good to go for another 8 hours until I crash from sheer exhaustion.

A lot goes through my mind during times like this. I don't want to do anything. No work, no creative tid bits. I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to hear a house full of screaming kids or people. No motivation for anything really. I just want to be left a lone in solitude. Seems to be happening more and more lately. I know that's not good. I've been wondering if I don't have some form of depression. However, I won't be taking any meds for it if I do.

I think of crazy things. I think of things I will never achieve or accomplish. People to be with that I will never have or don't exist. Situations that make me something I'm not. Why? I have no damn idea. Maybe it's to keep me grounded to what I do have and what's tangible for me. Maybe it's what makes me, well me.

I took this personality exam that was floating around on Google+ from Myers Briggs. In the end it said I was an INFP. Basically an Idealist. So I did some research on the whole INFP thing. And from the reading, That's been me my entire life. Every aspect that I can recall from being young to now, it's always been based around the principles of what an INFP is.

And the more I think about it, the more it seems to be a curse as well. Because of the way I am. My softness for others. How easily I get attached to others. Not so much materialistic things. As they can be replaced. But I find myself a lot of times, trying for things I can never have. Places I can never be. Again, maybe it keeps me grounded to who I really am. And even that I'm not sure of right now.

As a kid, you try to find that niche to fit in at. I guess I've never found that. I'm kinda a jack of all trades and master of none. I always felt, the more I can know the better I can do. Sometimes it pays off. But for the most part, I'm always stuck in limbo. I know just enough but not enough.

It seems that way in relationships as well. Not just with my better half. But with friends too. I can't recall the last time I had an actual friend. Right now, at the age I'm at, I should have a few that we would get together occasional and go out for a night on the town, a ballgame, etc. That just isn't the case. It's not like I'm some lunatic. Guess priorities change as we get older. And Right now those are geared toward the home, work and bills.

I think I need to find the confidence in myself. As I've always tried to put others before me. I'm not sure I would know how to put myself before someone else. Hell, I'm not even sure where to begin. And to be quite honest, I'm a little scared to. Scared, funny word that is. Because I haven't been scared of much of anything. But the more I think about what I just wrote, I can say with confidence, that I am. The more I look at it, I think I'm scared of me. But I'm not sure why.

Guess I should start working on me. Find out who and what I am.

Sleep o' Sleep, Where art Thou?

2012-01-12T04:59:00.004-05:00

Back on these damn night shifts again. For 9 months i did the 5-2am shifts and totally screwed my sleep up. Then for 6 months i was getting out about 9. And now back to late nights. Again screwing my sleep up.

One would have though that 5 years at the same company, you would get a better schedule. Seems the rules keep changing every month.

I've always been a night person. Always. But the older you get the more things you have to do during the day. So there are days i get by on 4 hrs sleeps. But there's some days I need my insanity sleep.

Wind Carries the Words

2012-01-05T18:55:00.001-05:00

Find it odd and funny. That back when I was a teen, Like a lot of other teens I had my angst's. I used to write a lot. It was dark, depressing. But I was writing. Now, I can barely get 2 sentences out of what i'm thinking. I have had something on my mind for a long time. I've tried to write it and write it and it never IS what's on my mind.

I was listening to a song tonight on Google Music. It sparked a little something. But nothing major. I wrote it down. Just wish I could get back to when I could write. Get what's floating around my head out of there. Maybe I would gain back some of my insanity.

She's A Dream

2012-01-05T03:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I've been watching too much Netflix on my Nook Color. Re-runs of Burn Notice. Gabriel Anwar is Hot. She is gorgeous. She plays with guns. She has an attitude. What more can a guy ask for????

Okay, my little kid wet dream is over now. Back to reality.

It's A Bit Nippley Outside

2012-01-05T03:30:00.002-05:00

So my company spent all this money to get a new heat/ac unit installed on top of our 7 story building. Now normally, we have a bout a week of cold weather in FL. It just so happens, it's this week.

Now, for a new unit to be installed, one has to wondering if the fucking thing works. As half of the building is sweating their asses off. The other well, were freezing our asses off. To the point those that work int he same room as i do, were all wearing long johns and winter jackets all day. Some are even wearing beanie hats.

I left a bottle of soda on my desk yesterday. It was still cold all day today. That tell you something? When it gets to about 50-55 degrees, my hands start to numb up. This is due to when I fell in ice fishing as a teenager. And for the last 2 days, my hands have been numb. I've been running to the bathroom. Because as another cost saving idea, they put 747 jet dryers in the bathrooms and removed all the paper towels. So I run my hands under that for about a minute, get some feeling back and im good for another few hours.

Today, I had on a fleece pull over which normally keeps me warm by itself down to about 60. On top of that was my heavy ass suede jacket. And in the end, I was wearing my damn gloves. All while trying to type.

I told my boss something needs to be done. And if it's like this on Friday, I'm not coming in. I can't sit there for 9 hour on the phone and freeze my ass off.

The Year Is Coming To An End...

2011-12-31T00:27:00.001-05:00

So this year has been a turbulent one. Just life in general. Shit between work and home. The loss of my grandmother and two co-workers all with in 30 days of each other with in the last month.

More corporate greed and the further fall of the American Rights, the rallies, protest around the world. We as a people have become tired of the shit and are just now stepping up to the plate. We will, eventually gain control back of what is ours. And make sure those that are in charge, listen to us.

We lost some icons this year. We saw changes throughout. Some minor and some radical.

The world is supposed to end in 2012. Not so much by WW3, but by nature and science. So be it. Bring it on. I have the beer and the chips set up and ready to go. Should I survive, then I will help rebuild.

I have met some amazing people on Google Plus as well. Some are amazing friends like, Margaret O Rourke, some great friends like Kat B, Mechelle Conrad (because she miss-spells her name lol), Jody Swaney (because I love the scooter), Phil Greco (who is more a brother then a friend) and a lot, lot more.

I've learned that I have got to have the most tolerance for bullshit and ignorance then anyone I know. I have put up with more bullshit and lies then I ever have before. All to bite my tongue for the better. I have gone through some life changes this year. All for the better but yet, still trying to grasp and get a hold of.

All in all, it's yet another year survived. Another year I can mark off on the books that at least I've learned something new. I've shared what knowledge I had. I taught someone something they didn't know. And I have forgiven someone who others may not have.

Sometimes I feel that the song Let It Die by Ozzy is me. And it is. I am everything in that song. I am everything you are. I am you, You are me!. It's a perfect marriage. I can't fault who I am. I can only make me better. And in doing so, I can only make you better. Even it is is a small minute thing. I really have seen what I am made of this year from the inside. Though sometimes I try and hide my feelings and emotions, like hiding behind the curtain, I have stepped forward. And in doing so, I await what next year holds for me.

So as this year winds down, I just want to wish everyone the best for 2012 in what ever it may bring. Keep your heads up, keep your smiles on and above all, DO NOT give up on you. Others may for what ever reason they have, but never give up on you.

So this will be the last post for the 2011 year. So until me meet next time...

Stay safe, be merry and...

~HAPPY FUCKING NEW YEAR~

Life's Song

2011-12-30T23:34:00.002-05:00

So after the turbulent year I had between home life, work, deaths, fights and all the grand and glorious wonders that life has to offer, I' have decided that this song best represents me and everything about me.

Queensryche - Anybody Listening?

You and I long to live like the wind upon the water
If we close our eyes, we'll maybe realize
There's more to life than what we have known

And I can't believe, I've spent so long
Living lies, I knew were wrong inside
I've just begun to see the light

Long ago there was a dream, had to make a choice or two
Leaving all I loved behind, for what nobody knew
Stepped out on the stage, alive under lights and judging eyes
Now the applause has died and I can dream again

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone that sees what's going on?
Read between the lines, criticize the words they're selling
Think for yourself and feel the walls become sand beneath your feet

Feel the breeze, time's so near, you can almost taste the freedom
There's a warm wind from the south, hoist the sail and we'll be gone
By morning, this will all seem like a dream
And if I don't return to sing the song, maybe just as well
I've seen the news and there's not much I can do alone

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone who smiles without a mask?
What's behind the words? Images, they know will please us
I'll take what's real, bring up the lights

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone that sees what's going on?
Read between the lines, criticize the words they're selling
Think for yourself and feel the walls become sand beneath your feet

Close your eyes

Anybody Listening?

2011-12-27T01:01:00.000-05:00

Death is a funny thing. At first you seem scared of it. And as life goes on, you seem to grow tired of it. Are you afraid? I remember the first big death that hit me. The one I remember the most. My grandmother. I took it hard. I think the hardest of anyone in the family. It was an open casket and it took my mom and my aunts about 30 minutes to get me to go up to see her. I kept refusing. Death was not to be seen but to be remembered. Finally I got up there. I about passed out. Not from sorrow, but I was scared. I was horrified. Then slowly, I laid my hand upon her's. It was cold. Death's cold.

But I couldn't let go. I don't know if i was in shock. Or if it was the fact that this was going to be the last time I would ever see her again. Either way, I started to cry. As I went to step away, I stopped and rested my hand on her forehead and said a little prayer. Probably my last prayer ever. That was back in 2001.

Now, over the last 10 years, I've lost more friends and family, 12 in all so far, then I have in the 38 years on this rock we call home. Some of them hit me hard, while others I just take a few moments to remember and go about my day. Cold? Callous? Maybe. But to each his own and we remember people the way we do for reasons.

Not long ago, I lost 2 good friends that I had known since about 1999. Of those two passing's, one hit me the hardest. I think it's because we knew each other pretty well. And we shared a lot. So when his wife called me at work and told me his brain cancer got the better of him, I lost it. Right in front of every one. This was a few years ago. I've lost both my grandmothers, with the last one just the week of my birthday last month. Lost one grandfather, only one of those left.

Now to part of the point for this story. Five years ago this coming February, I started my job at my current company. There were 40+ people broken into 2 training classes (only 5 of us left now). It was at this time I met Mike. Weird guy at first, until you got to know him. Kids, family man. Had a rough time a few years earlier. Bad accident. More stuff I never pressed on. Shortly into a illustrious career as public punching bags, Mike and I went out ways with in the company. Soon after, he followed me into the department I help start. Shortly after that, he had the chance to go home and work from there. During this time, we talked, shared laughter, pain. Was there for him to talk about the girl he was with. Their problems. The pain he was in with his back and legs, etc. Normally what a friend does.

After awhile, we lost contact. He would hit me up from time to time at work with questions on certain things or outside of work if he had a hit an a design job for me. Then, nothing. This was about 6 months ago.

I found out tonight that he passed the other day. According to what i was able to read, it was either Saturday or yesterday. I'm not sure of how. But I do know he was on a lot of pain pills last time I saw him. I also found out, he was arrested back in October for possession of methamphetamine. Most likely, Oxy or a family member.

I will miss Mike. I feel sad for his kids and his family. But I'm not sad for him. I haven't cried for him. I don't know his whole story. But I know he needed help. I offered awhile ago. Never took me up on it. So now he lays to rest. In peace I hope.

Another point of this story. Last year I lost my niece to an overdose. She was at one of those famous pain clinics here in FL that have been getting busted for giving out shit. Kinda of where the story for Mike points to. She knew she needed help. We all did. We told her. Then one day, she never woke up. Like Mike, I never cried once. Never felt sorrow for her. Felt bad for her kids. Well a few of them, because the others seem to live for this shit and promote the fact their heroin addicts.

One more point. When my grandmother just passed. I was sad. I felt bad for my father, as both his parents are dead now. I did cry for all but a minute or two. I was more upset then anything. Mainly for the fact, that I hadn't been able to see her for quite awhile. Since I moved out of NY. Nine years in all.

But through out that day after I got off the phone with my dad, I was angry. I was numb. I was wondering why. I didn't feel the sorrow for the last 3 or 4 deaths that I felt with the first few. As with no feelings for Mike. And some of these people meant more to me then others. Family usually is closer then friends.

So, the fact I am not feeling sad, the fact that I don't care, does that mean I'm finally numb to the whole death thing? Does it mean I'm in-tune with it? Or does it mean I just don't care anymore. That death is part of life and no matter how I feel, or what I say, it just won't make a fucking difference?

Can someone answer that?

What's In A Dream

2011-12-26T19:00:00.003-05:00

We all dream. Some are nightmares, some not. Now, the one I had last night was probably one of the weirdest ones. It has remnants of nightmares I used to have as a kid being chased to no end. It had people in it that are local celebs, only because their asses were on TV. So far, those I've told look at me like I do belong in a nut house.

Those of you who watched the news over the last 2 years, know about a mother in FL named Casey Anthony. Bitch got off from killing her kid. Anyway, her mother is the one who appeared in my nightmare.

So here it is in a break down;

Throughout the entire dream I'm being chased by a black car with chrome tinted windows. Parts of it, I was running, being chased while in my car and while riding my bike. The entire trip, I was being chased around all the area's I know in central FL.

The dream ended up in a 7-11 down by where my mechanic is. As I entered the store there was a lady bent over the counter causing a big commotion. There were a handful of Hispanic and black guys in the store as well. Suddenly the lady turned around to yell at the one black guy next to me, and it was Cindy Anthony. HOW THE FUCK, did she get into my nightmare. With her, it was officially a nightmare. Anyway, what ever she said to the guy, I can't remember. But He laid her out flat. When his fist made contact with her head, her face looked like Rocky's when the Russian hit him.

At this point, as soon as she hit the floor, the black car come busting through the doors, sending glass and products everywhere. And it's at this point my alarm went off. Never did see who was driving. No plates on the car, no identifying marks. Couldn't even tell the make or model of the car and i'm pretty good at that.

When i did get up today, my calves, thighs and hamstrings hurt like hell. Like I just finished a 20 mile run with full military rucksack. They still hurt like hell.

So i'm not sure what caused this to come to light. But damn it was weird. And why her? I don't think about her. Haven't heard anything about her in months. Or her daughter for that matter.

I used to like having nightmares over dreams. Because I could always remember a lot of details with nightmares. But also, I would wake up with my heart racing, knowing full well, I was alive! Call me weird, but that's the way it is.

But this one?... WTH?

Santa Needs To Bring Sanity

2011-12-26T18:24:00.002-05:00

The day after Christmas, to me is worse then Black Friday. Especially since I do tech support. Mainly because people don't read nor do they listen.

All day it's "I can't connect my Nook. I can't connect my Kindle." Did you read the instructions? Did you change your password to the wireless?

Nine times out of ten, every other wireless device in the house is working fine, and yet it's still my fault their fucking toy won't connect. Well guess what, go buy some new batteries and KY and shove it. I'm over it.

Apparently, it never occurred to anyone that these devices might not be working right for any other reason, then their internet is broke.

Hell, a guy went as far to threaten to cancel services because of this. And yet he had 2 laptops and a smart phone all on his wireless working fine. So when he threatened to cancel, I asked him point blank, "If you owned a Ferrari and it broke down, would you take it to a KIA dealer and tell them to fix it or you would cancel your insurance and sell the car?" The asshole hung up on on me. Oh well, guess the KIA dealer just got a new Ferrari.

Smarten up people, this shit isn't rocket science you know.

Christmas Trip From Hell?

2011-12-24T15:34:00.000-05:00

So i'm one of those that does last minutes holiday shopping. Mainly because I never have money. And usually the last minutes you can find some good deals. So I did something today, that I haven't done since i was in Jr High. I went to the MALL.

As i was looking for something I knew the wife would like, I got the cashier to help me locate some extra's. I was looking for as many seasons of an old TV show she loves that isn't on any more. IT was the last small thing to get her. So as the cashier is helping me and there is this little elderly Hispanic lady looking in the area we are. The cashier found what I needed. But apparently the lady was looking for the same thing. She said something in Spanish that I didn't understand. The cashier answered back and she glared at me.

One thing I have learned from my Hispanic co-workers is, if they are talking about you, they look at you. And man was this little old lady staring at me. Even think she put a curse on me, as I almost took out a new Cadillac in the parking lot. She started to say something. Not with an inside voice. No, she had to speak loud enough the entire shop in the all heard her.

At this point in time, i'm getting ready to check out. What happened next was, um... let's not nice. She kept rambling on and on as she walked around the isles. Raising her voice every other word. She come around the corner and stopped and finger to my face lit me up. Okay that's it woman. It's on like Donkey Kong now. I set my items on the counter and turned to face her. What ever she just said, the cashier snickered.

All in my mind, i'm dancing like a 20 someting Rocky. She looks like Clubber Lang on steroids. Weaving and bobbing, ducking and jiving. Kinda felt like lifting her dress up to expose those knickers of hers. But then relaity set in.

I slid my card through the machine and got my receipt. As i turned and started to walk away, I turned back at her and said, "I didn't understand a damn thing you just said. But have a good Christmas anyway." The bitch hit me with her purse! Literally, smacked me upside the shoulder with her purse. The cashier tried talking to her. Eventually she got her attention so I could leave. Must have been a brick in there. Because my shoulder hurts.

Now, as i get outside, I realized with my newly found friend, I got lost. Yes Lost. No GPS. No maps. I walked out the wrong side of the building. So back in I go. Find my way out front and head to my car. Now what happens next, put the biggest smile on my face yet.

As im pulling out, I wait for the other cars and people to cross the drive. I have Ozzy blaring on the stero, as i'm already a little annoyed. Two little old ladies are walking down the sidewalk, bags in their hands. Dressed up kind of nice. I know these people can here the music, as it is loud and my windows are open. Hell it's 80 damn degree's here today.

Part of the lyrics in the song playing are, "So come on Jesus, were all here waiting just for you." The smaller of the two ladies turns in my direction and yelled, "Hell yes we are. Amen."

I lost it. She started to laugh, waved and I wished them both a Merry Christmas. They returned the salutation. Who knew granny liked Ozzy so much? LOL

So next year, all shopping will be done on-line. no last minute trips. And the mall, well the mall can kiss my lily colored white ass.

Futuristic Thoughts

2011-12-24T03:24:00.002-05:00

Someone needs to develop and patent a way to get ones thoughts form our heads to our canvas. Whether it be writing, art, design, whatever.

As an artist, I can see what I want. I can envision the final outcome. And as I start working, I will spend hours on end a lot of times working on the project. Only to have nothing close to what i wanted in the end. Same thing goes for my writing. I have bits and pieces here and there floating around in space. Yet, I can never manage to gets those thoughts to flow together on page. Or in this case, keyboard.

The ability to just think it and have it become reality would be of great use to me. And i'm sure a lot of others could use a little help like this as well.

So for all of you high IQ, MIT people, let's get to knocking it out would ya!!!

Long Lost Santa Letter

2011-12-24T01:20:00.000-05:00

So tomorrows the big day for this family. Christmas Eve is when dinner is. It's when we open gifts. It's when everyone shows up. A house full of people. Some you don't get along with. Some you speak with just to say high. And all the noise.

There are times I feel like the Grinch at the beginning of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. "And they'll play noisy games like zoozit and kazay, a rollerskate type of lacrosse and croquet!" That about sums it up in this house. And it's not normally the kids either.

I guess years of family fighting on the holidays as gotten me to the point that I just don't like to put up with it anymore. I don't mind a few people. But when there are 20+, it's like chalk on a board for me. But like every year, I put up with it and move on.

However this year is a little more sad. As my grandmother passed away the week of my birthday last month. And this will be the first year my father will have Christmas without either of his parents. As my grandfather passed a few years ago of brain cancer. I can't be in NY with him so I can only call him.

I think the biggest thing that gets to me around this time of year is the materialism. Everyone has to have the best of this and the best of that. I doubt anyone can go a Christmas with out getting a gift other then a Christmas card and maybe some candy. People run around the stores, spending money they don't have. Bitching because they are broke after the first of the year. People buying gadgets they have no clue how to use and expect other to tech them with attitudes of whinny ass 2 year olds.

One year, before I pass from this world. I am hoping for a quiet Christmas with the ones I love direct to me. No gifts other then cards, food and maybe some classic Christmas TV. But it's a dream that Santa hasn't brought. Doubt he ever will.

Is It Technology That Mystifies?

2011-12-20T13:31:00.001-05:00

For the longest time, I have been wondering what's so mystifying about technology to some people. I mean, the basics of running wires and a push power button seem to be over the heads of most people.

Just yesterday, I had a guy argue with me about what a phone cord was. And why did he need it to get his DSL. Now i've been told countless times by customers that i have a knack for explaining things to them in terms they understand and thank me for it. But there's always one person in a few that I think forgot the brain handouts for the day.

Another one that has me laughing and pissed because the customers have to argue, is that Company A is blocking emails from Company B.So they have Company B as their provider. Both companies have been working to fix the issue. However, these customers are really that stupid or just ignorant to the fact that it's not Company B's fault and that it was stated by Company A that it's their servers and scripts causing the issue.

But these customers keep threatening to cancel services with Company B because of Company A's mistakes. Really? So i did what I should have not done yesterday. I challenged the customer. I asked him if he drove a Porsche and it broke would he take it to a Kia dealer and tell them to fix it? And if they refuse would you sell the Porsche and cancel your insurance? He hung up on me.

I'm just trying to figure out where common sense went to these days.

WTF is SOPA ?

2011-12-19T22:56:00.001-05:00

Pay attention. Not only does this effect you, but your parents, grand parents and friends. It effects how you will pay your bills on line, how you shop online and more. Take 20 minutes out of your somewhat busy day and listen.

'Tis The Time of Year

2011-12-19T20:53:00.000-05:00

Now today hasn't been special. Typical day at work. That is until the end of the night shows up. Customer on the phone thinks her back up software is backing up her cell calls and logging her cell phone. On top of that, she thinks that Dell is locking her system up, to force her to re-install their software.

Now the later i can see. It's Dell after all. O.oBut it get's better. good thing these calls are recorded for security reasons. I need this one on tape for myself. As she swore up and down, that Dell has been coming into her PC since she got it. So I ask, what were they doing in her PC? Well, according to her, they gave themselves admin rights. Yeah I can see that. Next, they renamed her PC wot Work Station. Eh, not likely but possible. Now I've talked to weird people before.

But as her story goes on, I've grabbed my drink and finish off a slice of pizza i had for lunch. She proceeds to tell me that they have also been logging in and using her PC for work presentations, downloading movies and music and sending corporate emails. I think she's been watching to much 24 and feels she's included in some corporate espionage.

I couldn't help but sit here and agree and nod and laugh my ass off. It's the best call I've had in a long time. I just kept seeing blue lights going off. Kmart anyone?

Sudden Onset of Tiredness

2011-12-19T16:15:00.002-05:00

Something wierd just happend about 30 min ago. While talking to a customer, i had this god awful taste appear at the roof of my mouth followed by a maasive tiredness spell. To the point, when i was done with the customer, i took a moment to rest.

Now im tired. And im only half way through the day.

So i took lunch early to get something to eat. Wondering if it will help. I am tired. So I guess I will have to take it minute by minute to stay awake.

Google Hangouts

2011-12-19T03:03:00.002-05:00

Think I need to start a Google Hangout on a weekly basis for web developers. So those of us wanting to learn can learn form each other, get help and more.

Though I've been doing designs and layouts for awhile, I'm still new to a lot of it. Especially the nre HTML 5 and CSS3.

That Time of Year Again

2011-12-19T02:03:00.000-05:00

It's been a few months since i've posted anything. A lot has happened both at home and work. More so at work and the corporate greed that runs this country.

I watched OWS unfold, kept an eye on a lot of business and tech news. And wonder how soon the new tech bubble will fail because of the jackasses in office right now. I don't know of maybe one or two CEO's that actually went to prison for scamming Americans for so much money. But yet, rob the clerk of a pack of gum and get a year or so.

But it comes time to re-think of everything that has gone on this year. All the good, the bad and the in-differences. For the most part, they all seem to balance each other out.

I have a few idea's for 2012, right before the end of the world! O.o

One is to put more time into my graphics business. Maybe even get some help. I would really like to get my start up off the ground. But i'm not sure i can still afford the basic costs yet.

Need to figure out whats going to happen to the house. Since they raised the taxes upwards of $700, plus the insurance almost doubled, not sure we will be able to keep it. And it's been in the family, well the wife's family for about 40 years or more. I think we would be okay if we quit spending our money on other people because they are to damn lazy to work. I'm tired of excuses. The maximum effective range of an excuse is zero according to my Drill Sgt. And yet people don't realize this.

I need to start earning more on the side. Things are starting to fall apart, and i can't afford new shit.

Started playing on Google Music and Google+ this year. Met some cool people, got a way to listen to my music anywhere i go without having to re-sync my iPod with different playlists anymore.

In general, a lot has happened. Some good, some bad. So i can only look forward to what the next year holds in store.

Re-inventing The Stories

2011-10-24T14:37:00.000-04:00

So, I've started to get back into collecting comics again. The last collection i had was some 3,000 books total. Wide variety of Marvel and Image/Top Cow with some indies and a little DC thrown in. My life went upside down some 8 years ago and ended up selling 99.5% of the collection for a fraction of what it was actually worth. Including the pride and joy of the collection, issues #181 of the Incredible Hulk. Anyways, I kept all of my Image/Top Cow books. Which included a handful of Tomb Raider, Witchblade and Darkness. Not to mention all of my Spiderman issues.

So, in the last month, I've started gathering a volume to my collection. Replacing some of the issues I can that i sold off. And filling in issues that i never got before. So in all, this new collection started with about 24 books and is now sitting at about 118.

In this new collection, I've started adding some DC. I've never been a major DC Fanboy. But with the recent re-launch making the New 52, I figured i would give it a shot. So other then my normal Marvel issues I picked up this weekend, I also picked up, Catwoman #1 and Detective Comics #1 and #2.

Let's start off with Catwoman. Selina is sexier then ever. Plus the fact her and Batman pick up on their old "fling." The art is good, which is important to me. The story line is more or less a break through to re-introduce her to new readers as well as some background to set up the new stories. And she's half nekked!!!!

The Detective comics are more my style. Dark, well drawn, excellent color (though for the most part, im color blind). The first issue was good. The ending had me diving for the second issues. *SPOILER* Nothing like seeing Jokers face, yes his face. Like in the movie Face Off, lying on the floor on the very last page. Now this may have been a re-hatch of a previous story. However, like I said before, I'm not big into DC. So this is all new to me.

The second issue was just as good. I have now decided that I will stick with this series until it either changes for the worse or just stops. The good thing about this I think, is the writer is also doing the sketching. So now only can he draw what he see's, it will make it more intense.

I may be getting older. But I've always liked comic books. The biggest reason is the art and the colors. Sometimes the story is a total flop. But the art in the issue was amazing. And since I don't have any kids, another story in itself, I can pass this collection off to my nephews when they get older. Currently, they are a little young. In a few more years, i'll get them started with some basics and maybe show them about collecting. But by time they get this collection, there will be plenty books to read. And they can choose what they wish to do with it.

That Time of Year Again

2011-10-17T14:55:00.002-04:00

It seems, that this time every year, my company decides it wants to take more away from it's employees. First, when our company was bought out, everything we had went. Incentives, bonus's, higher taxes on our overtime and holiday pay. Reworked holidays, including the addition of Black Friday as a paid corporate holiday???

Just last week, we get an email, stating come first of the year, we no longer get time and a half on Sundays. After 5 years of being here, this will be the final blow for a lot of people. A lot of people signed up to work Sundays for this. It wont be the case anymore.

Granted, companies are not required to pay time and a half for weekend work. But when the top five CEO's take a 117% paid increase in one year, at the same time, they remove everything the employee's have, it makes one wonder why our country is in the shitter. Especially when companies no longer report to their customers or employees but only to Wall Street, no wonder things like #OWS (Occupy Wall Street) are happening.

Companies seem to want to get their employees disgruntled enough that enough of them leave, giving the company a reason to outsource the jobs.

If the companies reported to their customers, even the shareholders would be happy, as long as they're not greedy.

Little Bit of This, Little Bit of That

2011-10-17T14:32:00.003-04:00

Just an observation.

It seems that for the most part, society has taken a few steps backwards. At least in the listening and common sense arena. The majority of people i speak with on a daily basis,just don't seem to comprehend the subject of listening. The most simplest of questions escape these people. Yet they can carry on what seems to be detailed conversations of the most useless information.

The majority of people i speak with, you can ask them what color vehicle they drive and they cannot answer it.And the answer every time is"I don't understand what you're asking." The age/generation gap is from early teens to maybe 60-75 years of age. All walks of life. There is no singling out anyone. Basically a catch all pool of genes.

People complain everyday about how our businesses rape us, our govt screws us. These same people, or i should say, a good majority of these people don't understand it. And at the same time, a good majority of these people expect everything for nothing.

I'll admit, I don't understand everything. Sometimes I don't want to understand it. But if i do and don't know anything or enough, I take it upon myself to try and educate myself.

So, on my wish list for the remainder of the year, is that 1 in 5 people learn to listen, THINK and comprehend. Don't buy a Ferrari and take it to a Ford dealer expecting them to fix the knock in the motor and bitch at them because they won't touch your car, (yes i seen it last week). Don't call your phone company to pay your Dr bill and bitch because they wont accept your payment, (happened to me on Friday). And don't get pissed at your internet company because you threw your laptop because the screen died and complain your internet doesn't work & want credit on your account, (has happened to me twice).

My new campaign motto is thus:

STOP- Listen- THINK- Comprehend
~A better way of understanding those around you

What A Rip Off

2011-08-28T20:46:00.003-04:00

So in the end, I stopped over at Pep Boys during my lunch break on Thursday. I was looking at the batteries, because the car did need a new one. As I was looking, not one person came to see if they could help. No one said "Hi, welcome to Pep Boys" when i walked in. So that kinda turned me a bit. Secondly, $93 dollars for a fucking Neon? Give me a break. Advanced Auto, Auto Zone, Walmart and Sams Club all want $49.99 w/o exchange for the same battery and same 2 year warranty.

So as i decide to waste the rest of my lunch period driving to Auto Zone, the car died. Guess what, i'm buying a $93 dollar battery.

As I buy it, I ask the guy, how long until he can go out and put it in? He said they don't do that. It has to be done in their shop. Say huh? So, not only did I pay for the battery which was well over priced, but I also had to pay them to put it in for me. They wouldn't even loan me the two tools I needed to do it myself. Their competitors do it for free, but they don't?

So, $127 later, the car was running fine. What get's me even further was the fact that the manager, who by the way, was back near me at the battery section, tried to sell me their $89 dollar code scan service, instead of stating they could do a cold scan on the car to see why the engine light was still on.

I reminded him, as only I can, that i worked in the automotive world for a long while and was ASE certified. So he "Needs to not open his mouth with out thinking." I don't think he liked my choice of words.

Pep Boys slogan is "Everything for Less." Now, I'm not sure what their everything is, but it sure and hell isn't for less. This was the first time and will be the last time I go to Pep Boys. It's been at least 15 years since I've stepped foot in a NAPA because of similar things.

To Gump, Or Not To Gump... That Is The ?

2011-08-28T20:44:00.000-04:00

So the niece had her boyfriend over last night. now, i don't know how quiet they were trying to be. But i think they forgot i was still up at 2am. but as i went to go to the bathroom, i heard some fucked up noise in the house. as i got further down the hallway, i figured out what it was. and the sudden crashing of the bed and her moans didn't help none. I so wanted to stand outside the door and emulate little Forrest Gump when the principal came out of his house after having sex with his mom. woooooooooo, waaaaaaaaaaaa, wooooooooooo

First My Truck, Now My Car.

2011-08-25T11:24:00.000-04:00

So the fuel pump went on my car last week. It's not like i beat the hell out of my cars any more. I have responsibilities now that take more attention and need then fucking off.

Anyway, after about $400 to fix it, the battery seems to be having issues or there is an electrical issue. I just can't get a damn break. I've put up some items on Evil Bay to try an compensate what I've cleaned out of the bank account for repairs. There's no overtime at work, so i can't earn any extra. Not like that would work anyway. But that's been talked about before.

I hate cars. My ass needs to get into shape so i can start riding my bike everywhere.

Proverbial Shit List

2011-07-31T11:06:00.003-04:00

Okay, so the son in law just mad my proverbial shit list. After the mechanic put in the new bushings, and tested the truck, it will not go into 3rd gear at all. So the tranny needs to be replaced. A new one from the auto store will run about $1700. So the possibilities of a rebuilt one are there. However, it will still run me about $700 for a rebuilt one and the cost for labor. so I'm still looking at over a grand.

This proverbial shit list is all exclusive. You never come off it. Only 2 others are on it and one of those is an ex. So not only is he going to start forking over monthly payments to me, not the wife, for fixing this. But he has 2 1/2 weeks to fork over the insurance money for the truck, gets the papers signed so it goes in his name so I can be done with it and to sign off on his old car. Which we took away from him because he stopped making payments on it.

He doesn't want to stay on my bad side. I can and will make his life a living hell. You don't respect me, I do not respect you. Period.

Talk About Pain

2011-07-31T10:52:00.002-04:00

Yesterday started out good. Even went out for the hair cut i've been meaning to get for the last month or so. However, by the time 6-6:30 rolled around, I started to get a headache. This one wasn't a migrane but sinus. the pressure build up in mt forehead and on top of my head really got to me. At one point the pressure moved down behind my eyes and i could no longer see out of my left eye. Just a blurry, hazy field of what ever particles wanted to make up the masses of objects in my house.

I layed down on the couch in the PC room and fell asleep. Slept for a few hours until mother nature called. At that point, about 8pm, I got up and went to the bathroom and promptly passed out in bed. I could feel the pressure moving from side to side, like an air bubble moving around in there somewhere. I finally fell back asleep. I woke up about midnight when the wife came in. Got up, but i felt no better. Stayed up to about 2:30 then went back to bed. Finally got up about 9 this morning. The headache is still there but not nearly as bad as it was.

Problem is, this is all too re-occurring for me. Sinus headaches anyway. Hot showers, steams baths, Vick's, nothing seems to work to relive the pressure. I just have to let it do that on it's own. Drinking hot liquid sometimes helps loosing it up so i can blow my nose with some kind of end result. But a lot of times it makes it worse as the pressure just moves around.

I've been to the dr's many times for this. There are a lot of things in my daily life that contribute to this. But no one has ever found a cure. I don't think they ever will.

I started to feel a little better, but just went out to the garage to help get the lawnmower started again. Though it's only 86 outside, with the heat index and humidity, it feels like it's almost 110. At least by the weather report. And inside the garage, it's like Death Valley. Now I feel like im drunk, because the pressure is moving around so much, it's throwing my equilibrium off.

Hopefully i can get rid of this today before the start of work tomorrow.

Got Lucky

2011-07-28T18:31:00.001-04:00

Mechanic stated no real damage to the transmission. But the bushings are shot. He said about $300 to fix it. Plus the son in law, over filled the oil, after he called me and asked where he put it in at!!!!!

He can't count his eggs that he didn't get my foot up his ass.

How Do I Check My Dipstick?

2011-07-24T00:56:00.005-04:00

So the youngest son in law called me this morning. wanting to know about the radiator in my blazer. after the call, i had a pit feeling. needless to say, he called about 20 min ago. the blazer wont go over 30. It hits 30 and start making funky sounds. He proceeds to tell me that it over heated on his way home from work. Im thinking maybe cracked block. But then it would be making all sorts of hellacious noises. If it started at all. Not to mention smoke from the antifreeze and oil mixtures. Then i ask him to turn it on and pull the tranny stick. bone dry and in his words, "shiny". I asked him when the last time he checked the fluid, he said he took it to the mobile place. Then read me the receipt. 8/29/10. Here's your sign!!!

I know it wont work, but it may enough for him to get it home. But told him to go get 2 quarts of fluid and put in it. Run it for a few minutes, back it up and forward to get it into the tranny. Then check the fluid to make sure its reading on the stick.

Then he calls me from Wally World because he can't find the fluid. I tell him what to get, and i bet he puts it in the wrong spot on the truck.

Not buying a new tranny and not doing a pick a part job either. Guess i will sell it for scraps. Wife is none to pleased. Better yet she's livid. She don't want nothing to do with him now. Don't blame her really.

Granted it's a 94, with medium amount of miles. But damn. At least i took care of it.

UPDATE:
He called when he got back to the truck. Asked me if the motor had to be on when he put the fluid in. I said no. Then I Said to make sure you put it where the tranny fluid goes and not the oil. He said, that I know. It would be devastating if he did. You think not checking your fluids for almost a year wont be??

UPDATE 2:
He got it home. Said it felt like it was shifting. But once it got to 30, it was making hellacious sounds again. So, either the 2nd gear band is broken or the flywheel is coming apart. My bet will be on the gear bands.

Down With Apple, Long Live Android

2011-07-23T19:18:00.000-04:00

So, trip to Lowes to get replacement plugs for the lawnmower, check. Trip to Target to get phone case and screen protector, Nope. They only cater to Apple. Trip to Walmart for same thing, Nope. Again, only cater to Apple. WTF Apple is not the only company that makes phones. And they have lost mass ground in the market to Android.

Trip to Sprint store to get case and screen protectors. WTF, you sell the phones and carry accessories but don't carry anything but generic shit for the new phones. Yet i can go on line and order form over seas? The case i got was not what i wanted, but i needed something. the screen protectors, which the clerk said yes they will work are an inch to short to cover my phone.

Yet they had a lot of crack berry shit and specific items for other phones. I have still yet to find a micro sub cable for charging under 6' in length. Really people?

I hope Apple burns to the ground. I wont miss them. Then maybe these stores will start stocking other items for other phones.

Im Drowning

2011-07-22T13:24:00.001-04:00

So, for the last few days, I've woken up with some serious sinus headaches. Feels like I'm drowning.

Matchbox and Tinder

2011-07-12T18:56:00.001-04:00

I know times change. but what happened to kids going out racing bikes, jumping bikes, playing with gi joe or its equivalent. staying out until the street lights come on, building forts in the woods and having all the kids on the block get together for some wiffle ball or football? has the morale responsibility teachings of a parent slipped that bad?

I hate young people with xbox and playstations who dont fucking listen when you try to help them. I think all kids under the age of 18 should be banned from owning a game systems or playing them and go outside and play with fire or something.

I'm IN... I Finally Made the + Crowd

2011-07-07T20:47:00.001-04:00

YES!!!!! I'm part of the Plus crowd now. Meaning, I've gotten the invite to the new Google+ social network platform.

So I've been playing with it. It's laid out in a real easy way to use. Simple and yet Web 2.0 elegant. But what I've noticed, and brought to my attention by a co-worker who is also using it, that it looks like the Ubuntu theme for Linux. Kind of like the new "Preview" theme for Gmail.

Overall, I've been playing in + for a few hours. I've sent out invites, though most people won't be able to join right away, have my circles set up, my sparks set. It's looking good. The layout has some similarities to Facebook. But how many ways can you make a layout that's so busy and yet easy to navigate and read?

One thing, and i'm sure it will change as this moves forward, is no more "I need boards for my chicken coup" spamming my streams.

One of the biggest advantages, and maybe even a slight disadvantage of using Google+, is the ability to get updates, add people to my circles from the new + bar when logged into your Google account. So while I'm working on a document, checking my email or messing around in my calendar, I can read updates and add followers to circles, all without having to open Google+ itself. This makes keeping up on the streams easier, and I don't always have to keep the page open. Just logged into my Google account. Unlike Facebook, where you need to keep it open all the time or rely on a mobile app. But Google+ has a mobile app too, so it makes access to it just as easy.

If Google sticks with this and pushes and promotes it with the better then Facebook privacy settings, I have a feeling, this may catch on. Now it won't explode over night and be a 7 million user website like that. But if they keep with it, it looks to be a great contender to the king of social media.

But one question still remains, when, where and how will the Google ad's come into play in the layout?

Home Brewed Fireworks

2011-07-06T14:50:00.002-04:00

So the wife had it out with the niece this weekend. The niece who has been staying with us for almost a year now, since her mother passed away last year. The biggest thing that brought it about is her attitude. Not to mention her whinny ass kids. Now the 2 year old i can understand. But the 8 year old thinks she's the center of god's created universe. I got news for her!

Anyway, she kicked the niece out Sunday night. Told her to leave or when she did come back, all her stuff would be outside.

I wouldn't' have been as pleasant. But that's me. My time is coming. They say hell knows no fury like a woman scorned. They've never seen me blow up.

So now I get home last night and the wife tells me, the niece took a leave of absence from work. Because she can find a regular babysitter. Now the wife can watch the kids a day or two. But it is hell on her. Especially the 2 year old. And she has what I would call a worthless father.

So, the clock is ticking. I can hear it. Ain't no mouse waiting for the chimes either. When the sand runs out, so does the charity and good will.

Check Yourself

2011-06-23T11:14:00.000-04:00

Seems someone in the house today woke up on the wrong side of five beds. And im not talking about the baby. Bitchy is an understatement for today. But the baby is having his moments again today.

And my name was mentioned because the garbage can, which was empty when i left for work and over full when i cam home from work, still sat in the washroom. Seems no one could be bothered to take it out to the trash.And i've stated, if people can't take the damn thing out when they fill it up, then it can sit there. It's less then 15 feet from the washroom. But I guess picking up a garbage bag is too heavy for most people. So maybe I'll take the whole damn thing out and leave it in the garage for tonight's trash man.

So far, ass, bitch, shit and fuck are about every other word coming out of the mouth. I could understand a moment or two of having a really bad day, as I have them from time to time. But this is an everyday thing. And I know if the grandparents were still alive, none of this would be happening.

Executive for a Week?

2011-06-23T11:08:00.000-04:00

So apparently, I won a contest at work because i had the highest numbers for the month. So being the winner, I get my boss's boss's office for a week. Sounds like fun, but it's not me. I remember the email vaguely, describing the contest. However, i deleted it and never thought about it again.

I'm not one for contests at work, unless it has something to do with raising money for a worth while cause. I've always been one to just show up at work and do my job and leave. I've dealt with customers for the better part of the last 30 years. Be it working in fast food at 15, the automotive retail world for 4-5 years, department stores, etc. I treat each customer as i am a customer myself. A lot of people don't get that.

Im not a salesman though. I cannot sell ice to Eskimo's. I can offer something of beneficial value, if I know it will help. Something I learned while working for Advanced Auto for so many years. But not this job.

I've been in the office for 3 days so far, today making number 4. It's is nice to have some quiet while working, however I miss the daily jabber with my co-workers around me. So it's kinda isolating. But it's worth it.

I get a nice dinner as well. Most of the times when things like this happen, Red Lobster or another nice restaurant is chosen. It's okay, but I'm me. So i chose iHop. Besides, I've been craving pancakes for awhile. So why not let work pay for them.

Senseless

2011-06-13T18:42:00.002-04:00

For ten long years now, America has been at war. At war with Iraq, war with terrorist and a war amongst ourselves. Both economically and emotionally. After ten long years, one has to wonder when is it going to end?

Our freedoms, as there is not only one freedom, has never come at a cheap price. But as time has gone on, not only us as a whole, but as individuals as well, have taken a lot of these freedoms for granted. Sometimes to a point, that we no longer question authority or our leaders.

With this whole War on Terror, it kinda reminds me of being a kid and always reading about the War on Drugs. A war in which there was no one enemy, like in a typical conflict. But a group of individuals that made up a faction. It was a war in which we spent billions of dollars and yet really didn't get no where. To this day, there are still millions and millions of dollars worth of drugs, making their way into our country every day. Not a very successful war if you ask me.

So, I have to ask the same question. Is this whole War on Terror successful? Yes, we have been able to pull out some of the most dangerous criminals and terrorists. And like the War on Drugs, there was someone to take their place. History has shown, that there will always be some lunatic out there, wanting to cause harm on others for nothing more then his own beliefs.

Being a former member of the military, part of the famed 101st Airborne, I know what it's like in the military. Though I was lucky and unlucky at the same time, I never saw the light of combat. But when a fellow soldier falls, it eats away at the heart.

Such as the recent loss of a fellow soldier, Devin Snyder, who at 20 years of age, was killed in Afghanistan on June 3rd. 20 years of age! Why? Her and three others were hit by an IED, all 3 perished. All three, who like a lot before them were trying to protect our freedoms.

I respect Devin and the others. I respect any member of the military. But I have to question the authority. Call it my nature. Was there a reason she, as well as all of the others have had to perish? Was there another way around all of this? How many more will perish before we can safely say, No More?

I have lost a lot of friends and family members over the years. However, loosing a fellow soldier always seems to hit just a bit closer to home.

I mean, 11 years after the fact, we are still arguing over money and there is still no memorial for those lost in 9/11. We are supposed to be a country based on freedom of religion, freedom of expression and freedom of persecution. Yet everyday, we are put into and put ourselves into a position to fight against these very things. We have taken cue's from our leadership and have learn to live by that without question.

So in ten more years, will we still be fighting the same war? If so, I have this bad feeling it won't be on some foreign soil. But if history has anything to prove, it will be in our own back yard.

To A Fallen Comrade

2011-06-13T16:57:00.000-04:00

You are a professional. You are a guardian of freedom for those of us who could not defend ourselves. You are a guardian of the American way of life. May your actions never go unnoticed. Rest in Peace Sgt. Devin Snyder.

You're Poison

2011-06-13T11:04:00.000-04:00

No, nothing related to the Alice Cooper song. But the mind and attitude of someone in my family. It's one thing to wake up with a sinus headache and a sore knee due to arthritis. But to constantly wake up to the mouth, the crying kid, the 8 year old who thinks she's 21 with a pompous and arrogant attitude, it drains you day in and day out. And that's all before your day even starts.

With phrases like, "get out of my face before i knock you the fuck out," "thanks a lot asshole," and my favorites, "get the fuck away from me," all aimed at the 8 year old, one has to wonder if the child will be knocked up by the time she is 16.

Now, I've been yelled at, spanked and beaten grown up. Got beat for a couple of things no one remembers what for. But I was never spoken to as a child this way. And I think I turned out fairly well. They say like parent like child. So one can assume with great certainty that the child will be the same.

But it doesn't help that the child has no discipline either. She thinks she is the center of the universe and everything revolves around her. Well I got news for her, come high school, she may get it knocked out of her. Now I understand kids need to be kids. But here you have a kid trying to be an adult, and more or less, she is being tutored by her mother on how to do so. And yet, at the same time, she is trying to be a kid with very bad results. She lies so often, she don't know when she is telling the truth. Just like her parents, aunts and uncles.

And then there is the whole lack of common sense. Like turning the cable box off, yet leaving the tv on. Or in broad day light, instead of using the lamps, turn on all the lights in the house except the lamps and leaving them on. Though i'm still trying to figure out why, the child must go to the bathroom or take a bath and leave the door wide open? When time after time she has been told not to. Is she afraid the water monster is going to get her? Or is she afraid she is going to miss something.

As time goes on, I hate to be the one who said, "I told you so." But from just watching and listening, I may be the one. But as time goes on, I hope to be made a liar out of. But the questions is, how long will it take?

Loss of Insanity

2011-06-04T19:36:00.001-04:00

No one has sanity anymore. The rules count by how much Insanity you have and how well you use it.

I've finally gotten on a new work schedule after about 8-9 months of 5pm to 2am. During that time, I was well versed in insomnia. Many night's, I didn't get to bed much before 8am. Now, the new shift is from noon to 9pm. Really good for me. With the exception of training myself to get to bed early. As in the other night. Bed by 1am, up at 2:30am back to sleep around 7:30am. Up at 10, work by noon. Yeah that didn't work out well.

So i'm working a few hours I took off yesterday, today. Kind of reminds me of an old Huey Lewis & the News song, I want a New Drug. The loss of my Insanity makes me want something to keep it intact!

The Ability to Hijack Facebook/Twitter Accounts.

2011-06-04T19:23:00.001-04:00

Just like Firesheep, Faceniff allows someone to hijack the cookies sessions for FB over wifi. In doing so, you have full access to that persons FB session, profile, messages, etc. This program also works on Twitter.

One of the basic security aspects of any site is just that security. With Sony's multiple hacks, and it being revealed they are storing passwords in plain text, it goes to show you how much security is highly taken with a lot of companies.

Though firesheep has been out for awhile, Faceniff is a new app for the Adroid phones. It currently works on just about all versions of wireless encryption. It doesn't however work phone to phone. only phone to pc. As the phones actually encrypt the data as it leaves. however the guy that made this app, states he may include ssl stripping. personally, i don't want to see that. but it's not mine.

i was able to use this app as a test with a friend at work, with his permission. took over his account and posted as him on his FB. he laughed, then said, don't do it again!! lol

i can see a lot of useful things for this. But we all know where this type of app ends up and who uses it.

one way around this, until sites like face book and twitter start encrypting session cookies is to use auto ssl to connect. since this app cannot yet connect or read the ssl sessions, that will keep you safe.

for now!

Where Did Journalism Go?

2011-04-22T16:21:00.000-04:00

I'm a geek. I admit it. I'm not the type of geek from the Revenge of the Nerd movies, but geek none the less. Back in high school, I used to read the local news papers all the time. I needed my news. But over time, I saw the quality of the news reporting drop and become nothing more then some words on a page.

Being a tech/gaming geek, I scour the web for new tech sites that report on all types of news. A few sites I follow on a regular basis are Tech Dirt, Mashable and Ars Technica. I follow a few more, but these are not only bookmarked on my PC's, but my phone and iTouch. I even follow them on Twitter & Facebook.

Recently, there have been some incidents about the world of corporate lies, deception and hacking. The story in question is the HBGary Federal VS Anonymous crew. For the most part, the story unfolds like a Hollywood movie. It's a story that in reality, effects every person on the web. Regardless of the fact if you use social media sites/programs or not.

A group of writers over at Ars Technica put together a series of articles they had written into an ebook. I have read all the individual articles and even purchased the ebook. Once I started reading the articles as they were being posted, I couldn't help but notice the amount of time and effort that went into delivering the most amount of information and background per article. They way it was all put together, the way it was reported made it a very compelling read.

Modern journalism, for that matter, journalism in general has always been a few short paragraphs, with time, date and incident. Long gone are the days of actual in depth discussion, opinion and story. After reading the entire set of articles, a few times over, I couldn't help but notice that this story never really made the big headlines ion major distribution papers like the NY Times. I was able to find one main article and a few small tidbits here and there. But even the main article is lack luster at best. And the NY Times has set up a Pay Wall to access their content?

I feel, if journalism went back to the way the writers at Ars Technica reported this story, more people would actually get back into reading. Not just tech news, but news in general. Even smaller articles of news can be beefed up with more in-depth information.

So to some good writers and reporters, here's a shout out: @clint @arstechnica @ejacqui @kenfisher

Good Friday Equals Corporate Pay Day

2011-04-22T15:54:00.000-04:00

Every since the buy out of my company, a lot of things have changed. A lot don't seem for the better either. I have come to hate corporations as much as I hate politicians. One thing I don't understand is the new structured holidays. So they gave us a few extra paid holidays, which is nice. But the holidays them selves make no sense.

The first one is Good Friday. yes, it's the Friday before Easter. But there is no company Easter holiday. Granted, not a lot of companies celebrate Easter as a paid holiday. But Good Friday? Makes a little sense, but at the same time, I would rather have Sunday off so I can spend it with my family. So this year, I work on the "official" company holiday today, but I also work on Sunday. Which means no Easter dinner. And no egg hunt!!

The other holiday that makes absolutely no sense to any of us is Black Friday! Black Friday isn't a national holiday. It's a corporate pay day. So we have 2 holidays in the same week, which used to be a scheduling nightmare. Not it's simple. If your already scheduled to work on the day in which the holiday falls, your working the holiday. And since schedules are done upwards of 3 months in advance, there is no guarantee you will get that day off. And you may get lucky enough to find someone who will switch shifts with you.

I'm not against working holidays, except Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. I'll work them all. But if I do want one of them off, I have to try and choose a schedule 3 months in advance for that one day. Meaning for three months, I can get stuck with a schedule that interferes with everything else.

The company used to take volunteers for the holidays. And for the most part, they filled all the positions rather quick. But under the "new rules", you don't have that many options.

I wonder if I can get the Easter Bunny to show up at work on Sunday to give me some candy?

Maiden Intro & Opening Song - Final Frontier

2011-04-18T06:17:00.000-04:00

Was trying to upload the intro and opening song, however, it kept erroring out. If i can find away to get it up, I will post it.

Here is the set list from tonight's show:

Satellite 15... The Final Frontier
El Dorado
2 Minutes to Midnight
The Talisman
Coming Home
Dance of Death
The Trooper
The Wicker Man
Blood Brothers
When the Wild Wind Blows
The Evil That Men Do
Fear of the Dark
Iron Maiden

Encores:

The Number of the Beast
Hallowed Be Thy Name
Running Free

Final Frontier

2011-04-18T03:01:00.000-04:00

So it's been mad busy hell for the last month. Had the first surgery done. It ended with some small complications, so I went back in a few days later to finish it up. Now the healing is for the most part, done. I need to go back in and get the upper fixtures re-sized so I can start wearing them.

Mad busy at work. New training, re-training. All because the suits want more in their pockets. But im lucky I still have a job though. And i'm lucky to get written up because of the complications of the first surgery, I had to take a day of work off for the 2nd one. Regardless of if I went in or not following surgery and they sent me home, because I was scheduled to work, it would have been a write up.

So to break up all of the madness, a co-worker and I drove to Tampa tonight to the Iron Maiden concert. I never saw them live before, as they never came close enough to me back in the 80's to go see. So all the footage I saw, has been on bootleg video's and YouTube.

Tonight's show, in two words or less, Fucking Amazing. This is the only band out of the 2-3 dozen I have seen, that sounds so much like their album when playing live. For these guys being in their early to mid fifties, they have not lost their touch in 3 decades. The showmanship, the light show, the music, all of it was the best. I now have a new best concert. And it will take a lot to beat this one. And I mean A LOT!!

What I found extremely cool about tonight was the range of ages that attended the show. Of course, there were people around my age give or take a few years. So that's the mid 30's. Then there were kids as young as what looked to be about 7-8 and people my parent's age. So in all 7-8 to about 55-58. Now that's a wide range of listeners. The kid next to me had to be about 12-13 years old, was there with his dad. This kid was head banging away, throwing the "devils" sign and knew the lyrics to the old Maiden songs they played. True headbanger right there! I was proud!!

All in all, it was an excellent evening out with a great friend. Too bad we have to miss the Motley Crue/Poison tour. All due to the fact the exact same seats we just paid a $100 even for 2 tickets will cost us over $100 each. So were not spending that kind of money and driving 3 hours round trip for that. Think Nikki Sixx blocked me on twitter because I started bitching at him about the prices.

So now I've had a vent release, it's back to the grind tomorrow. guess it's a good way to start off a Monday work day!

By The Way: Iron Maiden so fucking rules!!!

Starz Next In Line

2011-03-25T04:36:00.001-04:00

Okay, I should be sleeping. I have another surgery scheduled in less then 4 hours. But i've slept so much for the last few days, and on top of that, the main in my mouth is so severe, it's keeping me awake.

Just read an article where Starz is now jumping the bandwagon and delaying movies and shows to Netflix as of the April 1st launch of Camelot. Guess people love failing and dying business models.

What I don't think these pay for channels take into account is, that most people don't want to or don't like to pay $14-$20 a month, just to watch one original series. I mean, for the last 3 decades or more, Starz, Showtime, HBO, Skinimax and all the others show the same movies each night of the week all month long. I mean, how many times can you watch Tin Cup or Apollo 13 or Bad Boys? There's over a million movies out there. If they would change the lineup every week from the 8pm to midnight slots, maybe more people would agree to buy these channels.

There's better ways for me to spend that money to get my entertainment. I just wish the money suckers would realize were in the 21st century. And what worked 100 years ago, doesn't work now.

I thought IT Hurt Before

2011-03-24T04:51:00.000-04:00

Okay, so were 48 hours removed from surgery. They couldnt pull the one tooth on the bottom because apparently they had given me all the knock out drugs they could, yet i was still feeling it and moving too much. However, all the top ones are out.

Since the drugs are worn off, im down tot he pain pills prescribed. Plus the Penicillin. Problem is, though the swelling has gone down a lot, my entire mouth is sore as hell. It feels as if it's being pulled in every direction.

I tried the dentures again. They are way too big for my mouth. When in, they actually rest against the back of my mouth, setting off my gag reflex. Though that was never that strong before anyway. My upper gum in the front doesn't so much hurt as it's in an uncomfortable stage. It's the sides on the top and where they did try and pull the bottom tooth out.

They did a deep cleaning on my bottom and damn they feel funny. I keep rubbing the bottom teeth with out realizing it with my tongue, then they start to hurt. On a pain scale, 7-8 is wear i start to get annoyed as hell. 9 is where i call the ER or what ever i have to, to make it stop. 10 I just pass out. I will put the pain right now at about a 6. Im following orders like i should as far as meds go. I for one however, cannot wait for all of this to be over.

What Are We Teaching Our Kids?

2011-03-24T04:42:00.000-04:00

Growing up, I was always taught compassion from my parents, relatives and everyone around me. You're not supposed to make fun of those who have special needs, you don't tease other kids. But in the end, kids will be kids. There's always playground antics. But in the end of all that, someone still gets hurt.

In Florida, a 6 year old girl has an allergic reaction to peanuts. Actually, it's so severe, it anything with a peanut residue. Now, the school has made accommodations for her. According to the school district, "the severe allergy falls under the Disabilities Act and that by law, it has to accommodate the student."

However, parents of the other first graders are bitching up a storm, because their kids have to take a minute or two out of their overly busy afternoon schedule, to wash their hands and rinse their mouths before school and after lunch. Seriously? First off, It's excellent hygiene. If they weren't doing it before, guess what, they are now.

One parent, who doesn't agree with the 6 year old girl being in the public school has gone on to say, "We want our children to be treated fairly and to not lose out on their school day and their school time.” Treated fairly? Does this lady actually think this 6 year old girl asked for this? How about teaching your child and your students compassion. Unless this child is a grave threat to any other student, by passing along a virus that will harm them as well, I say ease up. She also states that "the 30-minute daily regime her daughter goes through adds up to 2 1/2 hours a week, or up to 80 hours each school year." Really? Two and half hours a week is all it takes to teach someone compassion?

One parent even said if it was his children, he would keep them home. Okay, so here's a challenge to this parent, with no excuses. Keep your child home the rest of the year. Home school them, change your daily routine to evolve around the child. I bet you will be begging for the kid to go back to school.

The protest from the parents isn't to ease up on the restrictions. It's because they're afraid. They afraid to teach their own child compassion.

This reminds me of a story from back home. There was a young boy who so desperately wanted to play football. But due to his medical condition, one good hit to the chest would kill him. He would go to every game, cheer the teams all the time. he even went as far as becoming part of the cheer leading squad. Finally, before it was going to be too late for him. His parents and the football league came to a decision. Yes, it was a decision that put their child in harms way. But it was also a decision, showing the young man, that because he had a condition, no one was giving up on him or separating him from the others.

All of the other teams were made aware of this man and his condition. Now, he didn't get a lot of playing time. But he did get some. When he was placed into the field, the other coaches gave their team the heads up. This young man scored a few touchdowns. But he also got hit as much as all the other kids. But the difference here was, the other teams knew they couldn't hit him int he chest. So they did the next best thing, they tackled him like they were taught.

When this young man came off the field each time, you could see the smile on his face. He went on to graduate high school and is even a father now.

So all I have to say to these extreme parents in FL, lighten up. Teach your kids. The wold is not safe, the world isn't fair. If these kids grow up with compassion now, who knows, one of them might be the one who finds the cure for this illness or any others like it.

I for one, say let the girl stay in school. Let her be around her friends. Let her learn. Let others learn from her.

More Rubber Stamping

2011-03-21T16:15:00.000-04:00

So the FCC finally rubber stamped the merger between CenturyLink and Qwest, making them the 3rd largest telecom in the industry. But who is really going to benefit from this? The customers, the employee's or the shareholders?

Just a couple of insights from articles and reports around the net. Upon recent approval, the FCC stated that the new company, what ever it is going to be named, needs to offer broadband to low income houses for $10. And it also needs to give these low income houses a new PC for $150. I see a lot wrong with this.

First, $10 broadband? that should amount to nothing more then a 768kb connection. No video streaming, no on line gaming. How well groomed will the lines be? How many issues will occur that will keep these people calling into the help centers? Most households today are going toward on-line tv services and video for entertainment. That's great, as it gives the cable companies competition. But you can't do that on a $10 a month broadband. And we know that it won't be $10 a month. They will find new fee's and taxes to hike that up to cost the same as other tiers they offer, in other area's. Just not in those select areas. And yet they have to offer download speeds of at least 4mb to at least 4 million subscribers. With their current structure, 4mb DSL is a lot more then $10.

Secondly, new PC's for $150? I think it's kind of absurd to tell an ISP they have to give away pc's to customers that buy their product. I mean Ford doesn't give away vehicles to consumers just for buying their extended warranties. Also, where is the money going to come from? CenturyLink is known for cutting out a lot of expenditures to save money. They've taken a lot away from it's employees to save money. They've recently just outsourced an entire PC repair department to save money.

So let's do some basic math. Let's say that all CenturyLink has to do is give out 10,000 of these $150 PC's. That comes out to $1.5 million dollars of expenses. Again, where is this money coming from? Centurylink has already stated they are increasing their 2011 budget to $1 billion. But this was before the FCC rubber stamped the ~~merger~~ buyout. Out of this one billion, it is said to be used for fiber lines to cell towers. They also stated, that they did not include and costs for merging Qwest into the company into this budget. So here is another, where's the cash coming from? What other cuts are they going to make, to make all this happen? The timeline I saw in the FCC statement was a 5 year period. But that was on the $150 PC's. But how long before they think they are loosing money and someone else goes.

A company who's sole purpose is to make it's shareholders money at all cost, at what seems to disregard the employees and customers, is doing just that it seems. they have a set of founding principles. But yet those only seem to work one way. From the employees stand of view. So now the question(s) remain, who else is going to loose a job in this recent ~~merger~~ buyout?

Oppps, Sorry Mom

2011-03-19T17:24:00.000-04:00

I did it. Forgot my moms birthday. SO she get's no gifts yet. I did call her last night though. Told her what was up. She said it was okay, at least I called. So after i get out of surgery next week, I will get her something and send it up to her.

On a side note, if it was for my calendar reminder, I would have totally forgotten my own birthday last year.

Top 'o the Morning To You

2011-03-17T15:00:00.000-04:00

If it takes me only a few then im guilty of something. If takes a 12 pack before I leave then im an alcoholic. Either way, it's the morning after that makes you shameless that your irish.

To Be Scared ot Not To Be Scared

2011-03-14T13:33:00.000-04:00

Well, I have an appointment today in a few hours to see the dentist. Get to look at my new hardware and set up the first round of surgery for myself. Reconstructive on the upper jaw and the full replacements. This is not gonna be good. I've been scare shitless once in my life, this makes the second time.

On the flip side, i get a few extra days off of work for recovery.

NFL on Lock out? Good.

2011-03-12T16:05:00.000-05:00

Yes I am a fan of the sport. Matter of fact, I've been a Steelers fan since the mid 70's when I was a kid. (let the rape comments ensue!)

The only game I've ever been to cost roughly $36 for nose bleed seats. This was back in the '96-'97 season. Those same tickets today are about $100. Really?

I'm not against only the players or only the owners on this matter. I'm against them both. Most players are paid an extreme amount of money to play a game that they once loved. Now they are bitching and whining like little school girls that they don't have enough. And they owners keep feeding them, create grandiose stadiums that get paid for by the tax payers, etc.

On a multi-billion dollar a year business, why do the fans, who keep these jack asses employed, still have to shell out $80 and up for a jersey? $30 and up for a damn hat? And on top of that, hundreds for tickets and $7 for a hot dog? Seriously? A fucking hot dog? My mom use to make these NFL jersey's back in the late 80's, early 90's. Back then they were still about $65 each. Yet she was only making minimum wage for a 40-50 hour work week in the factory? Fuck Corporate America.

What I find funny, is that most star athletes not only get outrageous salaries in the millions, but they also get millions from endorsements. Yet the average fan who attends one game and helps pay the multi-million dollar salary, might make about $34-45 thousand a year if that, or less. That's quite a big offset if you ask me. How much do these clubs pay their workers who walk the stands selling beer, food and the like? I almost bet it's minimum wage or just a hair above.

So why were their only to tables at these meetings just recently? Why wasn't the public tax payer represented, when we have just as much to do with the sport as anyone else? Because with out us, there would be no one to play for. With out us showing up and spending our hard earned money, there would be no million dollar salaries.

So three of the top quarterbacks are filing an anti-trust lawsuit to give them 3 times the amount of any damages they have incurred. Really? Why don't they take all of that money and hand it over to the fans? Why don't they use that money and lower tickets back down to where a fan who works 2 full time jobs can afford to go to a game and buy some food while there and not worry about how they will pay their next bill? Why? Because the players are just as greedy as the club owners.

Why do players of any professional sport have to make more then the guy who runs the country in annual salary? Doesn't make sense. The base rookie salary for 2010 was around $325,000. Didn't include any bonuses, etc. So the way I see it is, all players, regardless of position and experience, start at $325,000 a year. Not to go above $500,000 a year salary from the NFL, and this includes any bonuses from the league. If they want to make more then this, then they go get endorsements, from 3rd party companies. Owners pay should be capped at $450,000 a year. They should not make more then their top paid players. This would then leave a shit load of money in each clubs pool to make needed upgrades to their stadiums, lower ticket and food prices. Lower the prices on merchandise and give the fans a better experience. Hence the whole Jones Super Bowl fiasco.

They want to bring up player safety, etc. Fine. use all the extra money to invest in equipment manufacturing, training and what not. All the players know the risks they take when they sign up to play a sport. Otherwise they wouldn't play. And what about a retirement program that actually helps pay the bills of retired players? The extra money could go there as well.

You're supposed to play the game because you love it. You only love it because you can drive around in hundred thousand dollar cars, own multi-million dollar homes. And yet when you see fans in public, you act like your better then us, (same goes for actresses and actors).

On the down side of all of this, if they do actually lock out the entire season, or even half the season, expect the ticket and merchandise prices to sky rocket.

Happy Birthday Buffy

2011-03-11T00:49:00.000-05:00

14 years ago, Buffy first aired on TV. Now, Warner Brothers wants to make a new Buffy movie with out the man who created it. What are they thinking? I don't care who you get. They are not the epitome of the Buffyverse, Whedon is. Hell, look at what the studios did to the first Buffy movie. They would try to make this one follow along the lines of the comic book movies of today, guaranteeing it's failure. Buffy is Buffy. And with out the original cast of the show, those who were left alive, without Whedon himself at the helm, it will flop.

For a better understanding on this, here is an excellent write up from Comic Book Grrl.

Is It All About Self Fulfillment?

2011-03-11T00:39:00.000-05:00

Yes, another post about how ignorant people are today. Seriously though. Think about it. Next time your out in Walmart, a fast food joint, wherever, stop to look and listen. You will be surprised.

What really bugs me the most is, people know what they are doing. They fail to take 30 seconds and read. I've seen it a million times. I deal with it day in and day out.

Perfect example was tonight. A lady asked me to show her how to get to her pictures folder on her PC. I asked her if she ever opened the folder before she said yes. I asked her to show me. She proceeded to open her pictures folder, we saw her pictures, then she closed it. Then she asked me, not once but twice, to show her how to get to her pictures folder. Really?

People think I make a lot of this stuff up. But one would be surprised at how many actual Darwin awards I could hand out in a months time. I try to be nice with people. People have told me I should have been a teacher. NO WAY IN HELL! I can work with you to help solve issues. I cannot cater to your helpless act of self fulfillment because you get off watching other people hold your hand.

As I grew up, I was taught to be self sufficient and ask for help when I truly needed it. Weird things is, I did that. But a lot of others can't seem to fathom that idea.

I like it how people buy new gadgets. Whether it's a TV, printer, pc, game console. And yet they cannot take 30 seconds to read the instruction manual. Hell they never open the damn thing. Then they call and say hey, this ain't working fix it. Once prompted for the manual, they say they don't have it or can't find it. But they jsut told you less then 3 minutes ago, they just opened the thing from the box.

We want accountability from our govt. yet we cannot expect to hold ourselves accountable for stupidity?

Second Class Citizen, Nothing New

2011-03-10T16:00:00.001-05:00

In reality, this already exists. We have the upper class, the middle class and the low class in today's society. And yet for decades, we have also had the second class of citizens int his country. It kinda goes all the way back to when we decided to kick the Indians to the curb. Then it progressed to what we have today.

Now I'm all for people who want to become legal residents of this country. Hell, I was even engaged with a lady from Canada. Who like most other couples, we were going through the legal channels to get her and her son properly registered.

The fight over illegal residents has escalated in recent years. Especially with Gov. Brewers bill in AZ. Which I support. But the article I just read kinda irks me a tad. The reworked version of DREAM (Development, Relief, and Education for Alien Minors) Act, would allow any child brought into this country illegally, born here by parents who are here illegally to become a second class citizen. No right to vote, no ability to become an actual legal resident of the USA. But it also removes the ability to deport them at the same time.

Now, I know it's not their fault that their parents came over illegally. Unless of course they are of middle teen years, then by all accounts they should understand what is happening. But to give them a second class citizen ship with out the ability to deport?

One, they can't vote. This country is supposed to be run on the ability to make your voice heard by voting. But then, if your not rich, Corporate America, then your vote still don't count anyway.Might as well make them prisoners, sense prisoners are not allowed to vote after release.

Two, no deportation? Yes the legal system sucks. Yes the bureaucrats play the game as soon as they get elected and all lies from the campaign begin to go out the door. But seriously? Send them back with their parents and make them go through the legal process.

What I find really funny is the lack of ownership in this. Apparently the GOP who supports this, have changed their tactics and are pushing this from the Hill down to state level. and yet at the same time, when you get people like Jan Brewer who take it at states level and try to make something of it, gets heat worse the oil fires in grandma's kitchen.

Here's an idea, anyone caught hiring, using illegal residents for labor get fined $50,000 per resident. After 5 consecutive fines in a 5 year period, they are then fined $100,000 per incident and loose their license for business. Any illegal resident here working, collecting benefits that belong to legal residents get shipped back home and are put on a 4 year waiting list. If they are caught back in the country before that time and with out proper paperwork, then they and any family they have here are sent back. Legal or not.

People say the illegal resident work the jobs that American's don't want. Guess what. If the prices for the products rise then it's our own faults. Guess we need to get out there and start doing those jobs. The companies need to actually pay for the services rendered. Not cheap ass labor.

I may sound a little cynical, it's because I am. When a lot of the crime committed comes from illegals, then how do you expect me to act? I'm not talking petty crime, but all types of crime. And what happens, they sit in jail or even get released back into society. Why can't we take a slightly harder stance on illegals like other countries? Stop being afraid and stand up.

New Projects

2011-03-09T19:25:00.000-05:00

So I have been trying to keep a little busy. I've started a bunch of projects. Like always, a lot wont see the light of day. Which really isn't a bad thing. Because I normally learn something new and apply that to something else I am working on.

One of the projects that has been on again and off again in the last 8 years is my own comic. The story always stays the same, but though i majored in art in high school, I cannot draw a human to save my life. So i was going to go all 3D. However, I'm stuck yet again, on an over all render style. Too realistic, too cartoonist, etc.

Working on a logo for a podcast group. Drawing something ever never attempted before, so it's a challenge.

Trying my hand for the second time, at portraits. Not as easy as it looks. Last time was back in Jr. High. And even that looked like a Picasso.

Have even been tossing around some idea's for some new web projects. Just need to find someone i can trust and work with to make it happen.

Oh well, the more the merrier I guess. Maybe I should just get away from the PC for awhile and pick up and brush and paint and do some landscapes.

You're So Not Doing It Right

2011-03-08T01:25:00.000-05:00

What I don't understand is, in my line of work, people come to me when they have issues. PC issues thank god, because some of these people have so many personal issues that it make Charlie Sheen and his Tiger Blood seem normal.
But due to the various nature of the problems, the time it takes to fix them varies. But people have this knack to for telling me how to do my job and tell me I am wrong. And yet when you ask these same people the most simplest of questions like, what color is your vehicle or what did you eat today? You get answers that belong in a Kubrick film. (BTW god bless sir.)

I mean just tonight, I have been told I was doing my job wrong again. How wrong can you go, by going to a website and asking a customer to log into their account for that website? How wrong is it to ask a customer if the problem started before or after they added new hardware to their PC?

I still think we need to have some sort of National PC exam before you can own or operate a pc. Don't go to a Dr and tell them they are listening to your heart wrong. It's rude, obnoxious and stupid. So don't do it to me either.

I'm The Master of Insomnia

2011-03-07T08:25:00.000-05:00

still no sleep. damn migraine keeping me awake and i have to be up in a few hours for work.

Almost Done

2011-03-07T05:07:00.000-05:00

Looks like the new layout is coming along. I may swap out the succubus for something different so the image can transpose on both sides of the page. maybe not. I will have to see how I like this after week or so. Wish I could get the rounded borders I want, however the browsers aren't all CSS3 compatible yet. Other then that, it's looking pretty good. May have to copy this over to the website as well.

My PC Needs Phonics

2011-03-07T01:37:00.001-05:00

When a consumer and PC user doesn't know even the most of the basic's...

Customer: Yeah my inter keeps me a something. I don't know.
Customer: I used to be a tech but this all changed.
PC Tech: (silently laughing)
Customer: I need that vius scan you all have.
Customer: my comptur all yours.
PC Tech: May i please have your account information?
endless silence ensues......

The Torture

2011-03-07T01:08:00.000-05:00

Sitting here at work and out of no where my head decides it wan'ts to split log a log. Pain running up my spine, into my neck and my whole head feels like it's on fire. Wonder if this is how making love to a succubus feels!

Another Sleepless Night

2011-03-06T16:31:00.001-05:00

With out you.....
Bah!
Started taken Melatonin to help me sleep but it doesn't seem to be working. The first night I had some hellacious nightmares. Not that I minded those. But last night was another mind racing, blowing evening. I probably could have done all the works of Shakespeare abridged.

Always Late

2011-03-05T04:37:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I got around tonight to add a new gallery to the site. But I also added a new twitter button so you can tweet and twit my art work.

Shoulder to Cry On

2011-03-04T23:48:00.000-05:00

So I talked, well texted, with a very close and dear friend this evening. She is under the weather. Not like flu or sick, but sorrow and emptiness. When ever she is sad, I always end up sad for some reason. God only knows we have both had a hard time in life. But I know her's has been a little harsher then mine. And i'm so glad she was able to pull through all of that.

But as time goes on, things change. We change. I told her that it can't rain everyday. She came back with, but it can rain for a very long time. True it can. But it's what you make of that rain that will help make you.

I told her, that it's more of a test to see how much you believe and trust yourself. I know she is having a rough time and I so wish I could help. The best I can do right now is be an ear and a shoulder. I have always hated to see her hurt.

Apparently Not

2011-03-04T23:14:00.000-05:00

Seems my attempt at a Michelle Trachtenberg portrait isn't as close as I thought it might be. Despite all the images of her people look at, it's not close. Guess i'll have to try another one at some time, along with the rest of the cast.

Another Sleepless Night

2011-03-04T08:07:00.001-05:00

Yet another sleepless night. Sounds drowning out my ipod. Still not enough to lawl me to sleep. Kids raising hell at 8am bringing me out of the pre-sleep slumber. And they ain't even my kids. Oye-Ve!

Buffy Verse - Michelle Trachtenberg

2011-03-04T06:32:00.001-05:00

Okay, So I haven't had a lot of time to work on any art. So now I'm on this Buffy kick, I figured I would try some portraits. First up is Michelle Trachtenberg. Younger sister to Buffy and a hottie in her own right. Full 3D render and a little Photoshop.

Created from using images from her days on the show. Click the image for full size.

New Design

2011-03-03T23:34:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking for awhile now about a new design for my website. Seems at least once a year, I redesign it because i gt tired of the current one. The new design is great. Dark, original art incorporated. Sometimes it seems so bland though.

I was thinking of incorporating some of the things I've learned over the past 8 months. Make it more sociable. Problem with that is, I don't have much that's sociable to put up. It's more or less a portfolio of all my work. Art wise anyway.

Maybe i can create some things that people would actually buy. So far in the 5 years I've had the site, I've sold maybe 2 things to visitors. And a bunch to me. I love my work!!

So, I guess I will draw up some idea's for a new layout and design and see where it takes me.

So It's Started

2011-03-03T23:27:00.000-05:00

I have sent some tweets to the cast of Buffy to see about getting the book signed. Let's see how it goes.

Graphic Novel

2011-03-03T23:09:00.000-05:00

So, for years now, talk about procrastination, I have been wanting to do a comic book. More or less a one shot. But the more I thought the idea out, the more it would need to be about the size of a graphic novel. Still being a one shot though.

So I have been playing with a lot of story lines over the years. But they all come back toward the same thing. So I just may have to run with that. Now of course, I would end up doing all the art work and writing. So this should come to light in th next 10 years if i can get myself to get started.

Problem is, I don't draw people. I haven't been able to ever. But yet i use 3D model and rendering programs to create them for my art. So it looks like this would be a 3D rendered novel.

Still don't even have a title. Have a lot of working titles, but nothing solid yet. So many details to flush out. Guess i need to set up some sort of system to get that going.

Beginning of a Journey?

2011-03-03T22:41:00.001-05:00

Okay, so i did it. Finished the last season of Buffy. But i wanted more. I wanted to know what happened afterward. So, on my way into work tonight, i stopped off at the Books a Million store and picked up the first 2 books in the Season 8 series. So that will cover the first 10 issues of the comic series.

Now, I've been a fan of comics since i was little. Never got into collecting them until my late 20's. Had to sell a $1200 collection for reasons I do not want to speak of. And so i'm left with a few books, couple of graphic novels and the memories of some amazing artwork and story lines.

SO, I'm thinking of starting a new collection. But where to start? So many titles for each character there is. I think though, instead of the main big ones like Marvel, DC, Image & Top Cow, i will look for the smaller presses. I do however need to replenish my Witchblade and Darkness series. Along with Tomb Raider and Fathom.

Now, I think i would like to get book 1, A Long Way Home, from season 8 signed by the main cast of Buffy. This would include Buffy herself Sarah. But also, Michelle, Alyson, Nick and Anthony. In the process, I would love to get Eliza, David, Seth and Mr. Whedon's signatures too.

Would be nice to add to the last fleeting realm of my collection of one shots, zero's, first issues and the few signed i do have left.

Now the question is, what is this journey going to take and how long?

35-mile ride on minivan hood

2011-03-02T20:35:00.000-05:00

Now, I read this story and I could help but think of the Police Academy movie where the wife rode the hood all the way to basic training. Funny as hell. But in all seriousness, I think she needs to have her head examined. From the story she was on the hood as her husband was backing out of the driveway. As soon as he hit the street and started to move, she should have had the Common Sense to roll off because he wasn't going to stop.

Now he's being charged with kidnapping because she wanted to play the million dollar woman? Think they both need some time in Arkham.

Full Story

The 5 Hottest Ladies of the Buffy Universe

2011-03-02T20:22:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I think I've hit my mid-life crisis. I've been on a kick of old TV series from my school days. First came Angel. Always liked the whole dark and dreary thing. Besides, whats more protagonist then a vamp with a soul? As soon as Angel series finished, I started season 1, episode 1 of Buffy. Okay, I admit it, there's always been a small crush on Sarah and the others. But hey, isn't that what nerds and geeks do?

So now I'm up near the end of Season 7. I never did pick up the Season 8 books. Just might have to. But as I've watched all 7 seasons, I started to wonder who was the bad ass chick of them all. Who ranked the highest on the hotness scale.

So, without further ado, here's my list.

1. Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan)

Okay, she may not be the main character of the Buffy Universe. But she is hot. A powerful witch, sexy red head (dirty girl). Especially with her in short hair. She is accepted by her friends even when things do go bad. I think more importantly, she accepts herself, even though she is afraid to.

2. Buffy Anne Summers (Sarah Michelle Gellar)

So the main star makes number dos on the list. Yes, she's overly attractive and seductive. She has power beyond anyone's control, including herself. But sometimes she doesn't know when to ask for help when she really needs it.

3. Dawn Summers (Michelle Trachtenberg)

Little sister makes the list. She's hot, perky and willing to kick ass. She's more like the girl next door but she will put her foot where the sun don't shine if she needs to. Bonus: she was magically created! Besides, have you seen her Maxim pictures? She's all grown up now!!!!

4. Drusilla (Juliet Landau)

The weird one. Riddle speaking, seductive and little quirky knacks of Dru sit well with me. Okay, maybe I need help and a white coat, but hey! She listens to her pixies and I listen to my little krispies. One in the same isn't it? Besides, Dru has the ability to lift you up and put you down all with just her presence. Just look how she played on poor Spike.

5. Joyce Summers (Kristine Sutherland)

"My Mom?" Yes, the matron the the Summer's household made the list. She was very hot and at the same time helped keep normalcy running. And at times, you always knew if you had to, Mom was the one you could talk to, because you knew you couldn't talk to yours!

So there's my list. Now I know you'll say where's Eliza, Amber, Claire, etc. Don't get me wrong, They are all hot, powerful and well deserving. But the more I watch the series, the more the top 5 stick out. The more I would want any of the top 5 by my side, should I have to face evil. Well, Except Juliet. She's there because I can't help but love her manipulative ways and expressions. But she could be useful.

IF You Could

2011-02-22T00:59:00.000-05:00

If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, with no chance of rescue, which celebrity would you like to get stuck with?

Personally, I would have to say Charisma Carpenter or Felicia Day.

Funny Guys

2011-02-22T00:55:00.000-05:00

I've been following a podcast. Never been one to listen to much other then music. But i found these guys on Twitter. They are some funny fella's. I know when i need a good laugh for the day, i can play one of their podcast's from the site and feel a little bit better.

Besides, with names like Mr. Know It All, Angry Ginger, Sniper and Kilted One, how could you not laugh??

Check them out.
Last Podcaster Standing

Is There Such a Thing As Ethics Anymore?

2011-02-22T00:36:00.000-05:00

Recently, my company has decided to outsource my department. Not uncommon in today's world. But what really hurts the most, is the fact, I help start this department 3 years ago. Helped another 9 people build it up from nothing, to get it where it is today.

What hurts even worse, is the fact that the company that they are giving my job to, we have been helping for some time. What seemed to be a little innocent at the time, yet questions were asked and of course shot down, turned out to be nothing more then a set up from the get go from the higher ups.

Now, they have the gall to ask me to continue to help this group of people who are taking my job away from me? When I state that i cannot in good faith, management has the audacity to tell me they are disappointed in me?

Now I can understand if I was being promoted or moving to a different city where i had to train a replacement. But to be told, were not good enough and not saving the company enough money, so were taking your job away? Please. I was raised better then that.

Honesty/Integrity, Fairness are three of our so called unifying principles. However, everything this company stands for is all about the shareholders this and shareholders that. Not about the employee. Bullshit for the customer as well.

And yet somehow, I have managed to remained loyal to this company. How has the company remained loyal to me? Let's see...
1. Raised the tax rate on all overtime and bonus's
2. Removed Year end bonus's all together
3. Removed work incentives
4. Cut in half, what very few incentives they did leave
5. Cut the pay rate for differential so most people took a nice pay cut with that

and the list goes on.

Apparently i was raised wrong and everything i was taught in school was either wrong or all for not, because it doesn't seem to apply with Corporate America.

So in the end, I have yet to break Code of Conduct policy by refusing to help those who are taking my job. So now the question remains, what loop hole will they find to fire me?

Modern day Cloak & Dagger?

2011-02-20T15:50:00.002-05:00

I've been following the rift between the hacker group Anonymous and Aaron Barr of HBGary Federal. This guy seems to have been and may still be on a massive power trip.

But the articles reveal a lot. Including what one may call espionage, writing back doors for the govt to spy, etc. I'm so waiting for this move to come to light!!! :D

Here's the articles i have been reading, yes they are long. but a very good read.

How one man tracked down Anonymous—and paid a heavy price

Black ops: how HBGary wrote backdoors for the government

Anonymous speaks: the inside story of the HBGary hack

Spy games: Inside the convoluted plot to bring down WikiLeaks

Reading these will make you wonder how much of your personal info is out there and how anything can be traced back to you.

Special Weekend

2011-02-05T00:44:00.006-05:00

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or
Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite & KY then Kay.

Case of the Simple Life

2011-02-04T20:07:00.000-05:00

I just want to be able to live a normal life with out all the lies and deciet. But then, I guess i would need to find a deserted island. Then on the other hand, i would lie to myself and decieve myself. So im fucked either way you look at it.

The Life & Times of A Corporate Puppet

2011-02-04T20:04:00.000-05:00

Now, I've been fired from a few jobs since i was 15. But just the other day, I got the dreaded email from corporate that they are outsourcing my department. This actually hurts more then a firing.

3 1/2 years spent in this department. Matter of fact i am one of the founding members of this department. But once the corporate buy out and greed kicked in, we all knew, from all departments, hell was on it's way.

So they want to outsource us, fine. But don't ask me to help those who work in the outsourced company to do my job. Talk about slapping me in the face.

No one knows what's going to happen. We don't know how many of the managers will have a job when it's over in a few weeks. Or how many of the 135 or so of us will have jobs.

Every since this new company bought us out, it's been down hill. Just enough to line their pockets though. Just like every other fucking company.

In the end, i honestly hope the company goes belly up like Madoff.

Kevin Smith's new Movie Red State

2011-01-24T16:04:00.000-05:00

Just showed at the Sundance Festival. On tour shortly before major release.

BackWhen

2011-01-21T06:54:00.002-05:00

When i step back, i swear today's society has taken more then a few steps back in common sense and responsibility.

1/4 +1/4 = 1/2

2011-01-11T16:44:00.002-05:00

When parents throw a tantrum like a 2 year old when trying to help their children with some basic math, because they don't understand things like basic fractions and word comprehension and the child sits there and laughs, one can only wonder how long before the kids realizes they can live off welfare for the rest of their life.

When a parent get's that frustrated over something so simple, and gives the child a performance that they don't need to care, i see what's wrong with this society. And the parent blaming that child that they're stupid and need to be on some sort of medication? Please! And when the parents just give the kids the answers with out making the kids do the work, how long before the child just totally gives up and relies on everyone else to do the work for them.

The Joys of Acceptance?

2011-01-08T15:37:00.002-05:00

The government keeps telling us we are a land of accepting people. Whether it race, religion, creed or color or anything else. But my questions is, when is acceptance too much of a thing. Or when should we no longer have this ideal of acceptance?

Now, with the technical support chat i do, i have seen some of the dumbest stuff typed out. I've seen new forms of languages people try and create and i've seen things that make no sense at all. Even to the non-technical world. The best came yesterday. This is a full copy of the text given to me from the person i was attempting to help.

IUP AND I ALREADY HAVE ONM HAVIN A PROBLEN AGAIN THAT ANTIVIRUS KEEPS POPPN.

im not getin ageeneg gona ahkd.

Now, being who I am, i tried the Google Translation service, and this isn't a known language that I can find. And yet the person got irate because i kept asking them what they meant and finally they said No. Which was the only thing i understood and left the support channel.

And I'm supposed to be nice to people! And people wonder why a lot of the times I'm drained at the end of the day. It's just sad that the majority of people can not only speak clearly, but they can't spell or write clearly.

Is My Master Coming?

2011-01-07T16:28:00.003-05:00

Simply put, sometimes I long await for the end. To get away from the noise, the bull shit, the lies and the two faced back stabbing. The manipulations put forth by ones seething mind, they can no longer tell when they lie as they have lied too much already. The broken promises. Maybe I should start asking for peoples words. As a person's word is mightier then a pie crust promise.

The contradictions that one may want to lead a normal life and yet at the same time live the life that they so despise. Who needs to watch Springer on TV, when you can see it live everyday. The ignorance of the human race is far more greater the the intellect that it should have.

When the time does come, I wish for the isolation to think as I please. To have my peace and quiet. To stare at the wonders of the world as they were meant to be.