January 9, 2009

Flash Dance

I read a story today on the net. While reading that story, i felt sad and angry. It was a personal story of someone who had a very hard and rough point in life, but seems to have been able to pull their life through and seems to be doing okay. At one point in time, like many young boys during the 80's, i had a crush on this person and badly wanted to be with this person, who is roughly a few years older then myself. Then as time went on, and i moved on, that part of my life changed. Even my life started to turn dark at times.

Reading this story, and knowing where it seemed to have start, i could relate to. Because i too, at that time in my life was at a very similar place in life. But i think the big difference between me and this person was, i wanted the attention. Since i was an outcast in all social circles in school and the community, i wanted the attention for what i did. But it never came. Their were many reasons for that.

But i look back and i have to wonder some 15+ years later, would it have been a good idea? Would it have been like all other young kids who have had their 15 minutes? Would i be here today and if so, what would i be like?

Both this person and i had a dark period in our lives. But from what i read, this person's was so much more then mine. Every teen has difficulties in life, that's a given. But when these difficulties lead one to hit bottom, something is wrong. Mine was when i started to give up and started to get violent. I was hurt too many times and one day snapped. But it also led to other things, in which thoughts of ending it all were becoming more and more a daily thought. I don't know who or what woke me, but i started to change.

I used to write a lot during those times. I did drugs and drank a lot. But i'm happy to say that all of that is behind me. Has been for about 1o years+. Sad but true, so is the writing. Because that is one thing that i enjoyed doing. And now, the blog is really the only writing i do.

But as i read this persons story, i couldn't help but feel connected. I've read a lot of personal stories over the years, talked to a lot of people with personal issues. But there was something about this, that just felt like i lived it. I think some of it has to do with the loss of friends during my dark times. Rejection of people and of myself. Maybe something else. I don't know.

I doubt the person who i speak of will ever read this. But i just want to say congratulations. And maybe one day, i will be able to meet this person. What we would talk about, no idea really. Life in general i guess, art, bikes, music, what ever there is to talk about. One thing i know, is that if you really, really want something bad enough, you can get it. And this persons fight has shown me just that. I know there's probably more to the story itself then what was put on-line, but what is there, is enough to make you realize. Thank you.


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