December 31, 2011

The Year Is Coming To An End...

So this year has been a turbulent one. Just life in general. Shit between work and home. The loss of my grandmother and two co-workers all with in 30 days  of each other with in the last month.

More corporate greed and the further fall of the American Rights,  the rallies, protest around the world. We as a people have become tired of the shit and are just now stepping up to the plate. We will, eventually gain control back of what is ours. And make sure those that are in charge, listen to us.

We lost some icons this year. We saw changes throughout. Some minor and some radical.

The world is supposed to end in 2012. Not so much by WW3, but by nature and science. So be it. Bring it on. I have the beer and the chips set up and ready to go. Should I survive, then I will help rebuild.

I have met some amazing people on Google Plus as well. Some are amazing friends like, Margaret O Rourke, some great friends like Kat B, Mechelle Conrad (because she miss-spells her name lol), Jody Swaney  (because I love the scooter), Phil Greco (who is more a brother then a friend) and a lot, lot more. 

I've learned that I have got to have the most tolerance for bullshit and ignorance then anyone I know.  I have put up with more bullshit and lies then I ever have before. All to bite my tongue for the better. I have gone through some life changes this year. All for the better but yet, still trying to grasp and get a hold of. 

All in all, it's yet another year survived. Another year I can mark off on the books that at least I've learned something new.  I've shared what knowledge I had. I taught someone something they didn't know. And I have forgiven someone who others may not have.

Sometimes I feel that the song Let It Die by Ozzy is me. And it is. I am everything in that song. I am everything you are. I am you, You are me!. It's a perfect marriage. I can't fault who I am. I can only make me better. And in doing so, I can only make you better. Even it is is a small minute thing. I really have seen what I am made of this year from the inside. Though sometimes I try and hide my feelings and emotions, like hiding behind the curtain, I have stepped forward. And in doing so, I await what next year holds for me.

So as this year winds down,  I just want to wish everyone the best for 2012 in what ever it may bring. Keep your heads up, keep your smiles on and above all, DO NOT give up on you. Others may for what ever reason they have, but never give up on  you.

So this will be the last post for the 2011 year. So until me meet next time...

Stay safe, be merry and...



December 30, 2011

Life's Song

So after the turbulent year I had between home life, work, deaths, fights and all the grand and glorious wonders that life has to offer, I' have decided that this song best represents me and everything about me.

Queensryche - Anybody Listening?

You and I long to live like the wind upon the water
If we close our eyes, we'll maybe realize
There's more to life than what we have known

And I can't believe, I've spent so long
Living lies, I knew were wrong inside
I've just begun to see the light

Long ago there was a dream, had to make a choice or two
Leaving all I loved behind, for what nobody knew
Stepped out on the stage, alive under lights and judging eyes
Now the applause has died and I can dream again

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone that sees what's going on?
Read between the lines, criticize the words they're selling
Think for yourself and feel the walls become sand beneath your feet

Feel the breeze, time's so near, you can almost taste the freedom
There's a warm wind from the south, hoist the sail and we'll be gone
By morning, this will all seem like a dream
And if I don't return to sing the song, maybe just as well
I've seen the news and there's not much I can do alone

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone who smiles without a mask?
What's behind the words? Images, they know will please us
I'll take what's real, bring up the lights

Is there anybody listening?
Is there anyone that sees what's going on?
Read between the lines, criticize the words they're selling
Think for yourself and feel the walls become sand beneath your feet

Close your eyes


December 27, 2011

Anybody Listening?

Death is a funny thing. At first you seem scared of it. And as life goes on, you seem to grow tired of it. Are you afraid? I remember the first big death that hit me. The one I remember the most. My grandmother. I took it hard. I think the hardest of anyone in the family. It was an open casket and it took my mom and my aunts about 30 minutes to get me to go up to see her. I kept refusing. Death was not to be seen but to be remembered. Finally I got up there. I about passed out. Not from sorrow, but I was scared. I was horrified. Then slowly, I laid my hand upon her's. It was cold. Death's cold. 

But I couldn't let go. I don't know if i was in shock. Or if it was the fact that this was going to be the last time I would ever see her again. Either way, I started to cry.  As I went to step away, I stopped and rested my hand on her forehead and said a little prayer. Probably my last prayer ever. That was back in 2001. 

Now, over the last 10 years, I've lost more friends and family, 12 in all so far,  then I have in the 38 years on this rock we call home. Some of them hit me hard, while others I just take a few moments to remember and go about my day. Cold? Callous? Maybe. But to each his own and we remember people the way we do for reasons. 
Not long ago, I lost 2 good friends that I had known since about 1999. Of those two passing's, one hit me the hardest. I think it's because we knew each other pretty well. And we shared a lot. So when his wife called me at work and told me his brain cancer got the better of him, I lost it. Right in front of every one. This was a few years ago.  I've lost both my grandmothers, with the last one just the week of my birthday last month. Lost one grandfather, only one of those left.

Now to part of the point for this story. Five years ago this coming February, I started my job at my current company. There were 40+ people broken into 2 training classes (only 5 of us left now). It was at this time I met Mike. Weird guy at first, until you got to know him. Kids, family man. Had a rough time a few years earlier. Bad accident. More stuff I never pressed on. Shortly into a illustrious career as  public punching bags, Mike and I went out ways with in the company. Soon after, he followed me into the department I help start. Shortly after that, he had the chance to go home and work from there. During this time, we talked, shared laughter, pain. Was there for him to talk about the girl he was with. Their problems. The pain he was in with his back and legs, etc. Normally what a friend does. 

After awhile, we lost contact. He would hit me up from time to time at work with questions on certain things or outside of work if he had a hit an a design job for me. Then, nothing. This was about 6 months ago.

I found out tonight that he passed the other day. According to what i was able to read, it was either Saturday or yesterday. I'm not sure of how. But I do know he was on a lot of pain pills last time I saw him. I also found out, he was arrested back in October for  possession of methamphetamine. Most likely, Oxy or a family member.

I will miss Mike. I feel sad for his kids and his family. But I'm not sad for him. I haven't cried for him. I don't know his whole story. But I know he needed help. I offered awhile ago. Never took me up on it. So now he lays to rest. In peace I hope.

Another point of this story.  Last year I lost my niece to an overdose. She was at one of those famous pain clinics here in FL that have been getting busted for giving out shit. Kinda of where the story for Mike points to. She knew she needed help. We all did. We told her. Then one day, she never woke up. Like Mike, I never cried once. Never felt sorrow for her.  Felt bad for her kids. Well a few of them, because the others seem to live for this shit and promote the fact their heroin addicts. 

One more point. When my grandmother just passed. I was sad. I felt bad for my father, as both his parents are dead now.  I did cry for all but a minute or two. I was more upset then anything. Mainly for the fact, that I hadn't been able to see her for quite awhile. Since I moved out of NY. Nine years in all. 

But through out that day after I got off the phone with my dad, I was angry. I was numb. I was wondering why. I didn't feel the sorrow for the last 3 or 4 deaths that I felt with the first few. As with no feelings for Mike. And some of these people meant more to me then others. Family usually is closer then friends. 

So, the fact I am not feeling sad, the fact that I don't care, does that mean I'm finally numb to the whole death thing? Does it mean I'm in-tune with it? Or does it mean I just don't care anymore. That death is part of life and no matter how I feel, or what I say,  it just won't make a fucking difference?

Can someone answer that?


December 26, 2011

What's In A Dream

We all dream. Some are nightmares, some not. Now, the one I had last night was probably one of the weirdest ones. It has remnants of nightmares I used to have as a kid being chased to no end. It had people in it that are local celebs, only because their asses were on TV.  So far, those I've told look at me like I do belong in a nut house.

Those of you who watched the news over the last 2 years, know about a mother in FL named Casey Anthony. Bitch got off from killing her kid. Anyway, her mother is the one who appeared in my nightmare. 

So here it is in a break down;

Throughout the entire dream I'm being chased by a black car with chrome tinted windows. Parts of it, I was running, being chased while in my car and while riding my bike. The entire trip, I was being chased around all the area's I know in central FL. 

The dream ended up in a 7-11 down by where my mechanic is. As I entered the store there was a lady bent over the counter causing a big commotion. There were a handful of Hispanic and black guys in the store as well. Suddenly the lady turned around to yell at the one black guy next to me, and it was Cindy Anthony. HOW THE FUCK, did she get into my nightmare. With her, it was officially a nightmare. Anyway, what ever she said to the guy, I can't remember. But He laid her out flat. When his fist made contact with her head, her face looked like Rocky's when the Russian hit him. 

At this point, as soon as she hit the floor, the black car come busting through the doors, sending glass and products everywhere. And it's at this point my alarm went off. Never did see who was driving. No plates on the car, no identifying marks. Couldn't even tell the make or model of the car and i'm pretty good at that. 

When i did get up today, my calves, thighs and hamstrings hurt like hell. Like I just finished a 20 mile run with full military rucksack. They still hurt like hell. 

So i'm not sure what caused this to come to light. But damn it was weird. And why her? I don't think about her. Haven't heard anything about her in months. Or her daughter for that matter. 

I used to like having nightmares over dreams. Because I could always remember a lot of details with nightmares. But also, I would wake up with my heart racing, knowing full well, I was alive! Call me weird, but that's the way it is. 

But this one?... WTH?

Santa Needs To Bring Sanity

The day after Christmas, to me is worse then Black Friday. Especially since I do tech support. Mainly because people don't read nor do they listen. 

All day it's  "I can't connect my Nook. I can't connect my Kindle." Did you read the instructions? Did you change your password to the wireless? 

Nine times out of ten, every other wireless device in the house is working fine, and yet it's still my fault their fucking toy won't connect. Well guess what, go buy some new batteries and KY and shove it. I'm over it. 

Apparently, it never occurred to anyone that these devices might not be working right for any other reason, then their internet is broke. 

Hell, a guy went as far to threaten to cancel services because of this. And yet he had 2 laptops and a smart phone all on his wireless working fine. So when he threatened to cancel, I asked him point blank, "If you owned a Ferrari and it broke down, would you take it to a KIA dealer and tell them to fix it or you would cancel your insurance and sell the car?" The asshole hung up on on me. Oh well, guess the KIA dealer just got a new Ferrari. 

Smarten up people, this shit isn't rocket science you know. 

December 24, 2011

Christmas Trip From Hell?

So i'm one of those that does last minutes holiday shopping. Mainly because I never have money. And usually the last minutes you can find some good deals.  So I did something today, that I haven't done since i was in Jr High. I went to the MALL.

As i was looking for something I knew the wife would like, I got the cashier to help me locate some extra's. I was looking for as many seasons of an old TV show she loves that isn't on any more. IT was the last small thing to get her. So as the cashier is helping me and there is this little elderly Hispanic lady looking in the area we are. The cashier found what I needed. But apparently the lady was looking for the same thing. She said something in Spanish that I didn't understand. The cashier answered back and she glared at me. 

One thing I have learned from my Hispanic co-workers is, if they are talking about you, they look at you. And man was this little old lady staring at me. Even think she put a curse on me, as I almost took out a new Cadillac in the parking lot. She started to say something. Not with an inside voice. No, she had to speak loud enough the entire shop in the all heard her. 

At this point in time, i'm getting ready to check out. What happened next was, um... let's not nice. She kept rambling on and on as she walked around the isles. Raising her voice every other word. She come around the corner and stopped and finger to my face lit me up. Okay that's it woman. It's on like Donkey Kong now. I set my items on the counter and turned to face her. What ever she just said, the cashier snickered.

All in my mind, i'm dancing like a 20 someting Rocky. She looks like Clubber Lang on steroids. Weaving and bobbing, ducking and jiving. Kinda felt like lifting her dress up to expose those knickers of hers. But then relaity set in. 

I slid my card through the machine and got my receipt. As i turned and started to walk away, I turned back at her and said, "I didn't understand a damn thing you just said. But have a good Christmas anyway." The bitch hit me with her purse! Literally, smacked me upside the shoulder with her purse. The cashier tried talking to her. Eventually she got her attention so I could leave. Must have been a brick in there. Because my shoulder hurts.

Now, as i get outside, I realized with my newly found friend, I got lost. Yes Lost. No GPS. No maps. I walked out the wrong side of the building. So back in I go. Find my way out front and head to my car. Now what happens next, put the biggest smile on my face yet.

As im pulling out, I wait for the other cars and people to cross the drive. I have Ozzy blaring on the stero, as i'm already a little annoyed. Two little old ladies are walking down the sidewalk, bags in their hands. Dressed up kind of nice. I know these people can here the music, as it is loud and my windows are open. Hell it's 80 damn degree's here today.

Part of the lyrics in the song playing are, "So come on Jesus, were all here waiting just for you." The smaller of the two ladies turns in my direction and yelled, "Hell yes we are. Amen."
I lost it. She started to laugh, waved and I wished them both a Merry Christmas. They returned the salutation. Who knew granny liked Ozzy so much? LOL

So next year, all shopping will be done on-line. no last minute trips.  And the mall, well the mall can kiss my lily colored white ass.


Futuristic Thoughts

Someone needs to develop and patent a way to get ones thoughts form our heads to our canvas. Whether it be writing, art, design, whatever.

As an artist, I can see what I want. I can envision the final outcome. And as I start working, I will spend hours on end a lot of times working on the project. Only to have nothing close to what i wanted in the end. Same thing goes for my writing. I have bits and pieces here and there floating around in space. Yet, I can never manage to gets those thoughts to flow together on page. Or in this case, keyboard. 

The ability to just think it and have it become reality would be of great use to me. And i'm sure a lot of others could use a little help like this as well. 

So for all of you high IQ, MIT people, let's get to knocking it out would ya!!!

Long Lost Santa Letter

So tomorrows the big day for this family. Christmas Eve is when dinner is. It's when we open gifts. It's when everyone shows up. A house full of people. Some you don't get along with. Some you speak with just to say high. And all the noise.

There are times I feel like the Grinch at the beginning of How The Grinch Stole Christmas. "And they'll play noisy games like zoozit and kazay, a rollerskate type of lacrosse and croquet!" That about sums it up in this house. And it's not normally the kids either.

I guess years of family fighting on the holidays as gotten me to the point that I just don't like to put up with it anymore. I don't mind a few people. But when there are 20+, it's like chalk on a board for me. But like every year, I put up with it and move on.

However this year is a little more sad. As my grandmother passed away the week of my birthday last month. And this will be the first year my father will have Christmas without either of his parents. As my grandfather passed a few years ago of brain cancer. I can't be in NY with him so I can only call him.

I think the biggest thing that gets to me around this time of year is the materialism. Everyone has to have the best of this and the best of that. I doubt anyone can go a Christmas with out getting a gift other then a Christmas card and maybe some candy. People run around the stores, spending money they don't have. Bitching because they are broke after the first of the year. People buying gadgets they have no clue how to use and expect other to tech them with attitudes of whinny ass 2 year olds.

One year, before I pass from this world. I am hoping for a quiet Christmas with the ones I love direct to me. No gifts other then cards, food and maybe some classic Christmas TV. But it's a dream that Santa hasn't brought. Doubt he ever will.

December 20, 2011

Is It Technology That Mystifies?

For the longest time, I have been wondering what's so mystifying about technology to some people. I mean, the basics of running wires and a push power button seem to be over the heads of most people. 

Just yesterday, I had a guy argue with me about what a phone cord was. And why did he need it to get his DSL. Now i've been told countless times by customers that i have a knack for explaining things to them in terms they understand and thank me for it. But there's always one person in a few that I think forgot the brain handouts for the day. 

Another one that has me laughing and pissed because the customers have to argue, is that Company A is blocking emails from Company B.So they have Company B as their provider. Both companies have been working to fix the issue. However, these customers are really that stupid or just ignorant to the fact that it's not Company B's fault and that it was stated by Company A that it's their servers and scripts causing the issue. 

But these customers keep threatening to cancel services with Company B because of Company A's mistakes. Really? So i did what I should have not done yesterday. I challenged the customer. I asked him if he drove a Porsche and it broke would he take it to a Kia dealer and tell them to fix it? And if they refuse would you sell the Porsche and cancel your insurance? He hung up on me. 

I'm just trying to figure out where common sense went to these days. 

December 19, 2011


Pay attention. Not only does this effect you, but your parents, grand parents and friends. It effects how you will pay your bills on line, how you shop online and more. Take 20 minutes out of your somewhat busy day and listen.


'Tis The Time of Year

Now today hasn't been special. Typical day at work. That is until the end of the night shows up. Customer on the phone thinks her back up software is backing up her cell calls and logging her cell phone. On top of that, she thinks that Dell is locking her system up, to force her to re-install their software. 

 Now the later i can see. It's Dell after all. O.o But it get's better. good thing these calls are recorded for security reasons. I need this one on tape for myself. As she swore up and down, that Dell has been coming into her PC since she got it. So I ask, what were they doing in her PC? Well, according to her, they gave themselves admin rights. Yeah I can see that. Next, they renamed her PC wot Work Station. Eh, not likely but possible. Now I've talked to weird people before. 

But as her story goes on, I've grabbed my drink and finish off a slice of pizza i had for lunch. She proceeds to tell me that they have also been logging in and using her PC for work presentations, downloading movies and music and sending corporate emails. I think she's been watching to much 24 and feels she's included in some corporate espionage.

 I couldn't help but sit here and agree and nod and laugh my ass off. It's the best call I've had in a long time. I just kept seeing blue lights going off. Kmart anyone?

Sudden Onset of Tiredness

Something wierd just happend about 30 min ago. While talking to a customer, i had this god awful taste appear at the roof of my mouth followed by a maasive tiredness spell. To the point, when i was done with the customer, i took a moment to rest. 

Now im tired. And im only half way through the day.

So i took lunch early to get something to eat. Wondering if it will help. I am tired. So I guess I will have to take it minute by minute to stay awake. 

Google Hangouts

Think I need to start a Google Hangout on a weekly basis for web developers. So those of us wanting to learn can learn form each other, get help and more.

Though I've been doing designs and layouts for awhile, I'm still new to a lot of it. Especially the nre HTML 5 and CSS3.

That Time of Year Again

It's been a few months since i've posted anything. A lot has happened both at home and work. More so at work and the corporate greed that runs this country. 

I watched OWS unfold, kept an eye on a lot of business and tech news. And wonder how soon the new tech bubble will fail because of the jackasses in office right now.  I don't know of maybe one or two CEO's that actually went to prison for scamming Americans for so much money. But yet, rob the clerk of a pack of gum and get a year or so. 

But it comes time to re-think of everything that has gone on this year. All the good, the bad and the in-differences. For the most part, they all seem to balance each other out. 

I have a few idea's for 2012, right before the end of the world! O.o
One is to put more time into my graphics business. Maybe even get some help. I would really like to get my start up off the ground. But i'm not sure i can still afford the basic costs yet. 

Need to figure out whats going to happen to the house. Since they raised the taxes upwards of $700, plus the insurance almost doubled, not sure we will be able to keep it. And it's been in the family, well the wife's family for about 40 years or more. I think we would be okay if we quit spending our money on other people because they are to damn lazy to work. I'm tired of excuses. The maximum effective range of an excuse is zero according to my Drill Sgt. And yet people don't realize this.

I need to start earning more on the side. Things are starting to fall apart, and i can't afford new shit. 

Started playing on Google Music and Google+ this year. Met some cool people, got a way to listen to my music anywhere i go without having to re-sync my iPod with different playlists anymore.

In general, a lot has happened. Some good, some bad. So i can only look forward to what the next year holds in store.



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