January 16, 2012

Orchids of Seduction

So there's been a movie that's been sitting in my Netflix Que for sometime now. I just never got around to watching it. I have however, seen this movie multiple times years ago when I was younger. I mean, it's a teens wet dream. The movie? Wild Orchid with Mickey Rourke and Carrie Otis. 

So why was I watching this again? Don't know. It was there, so I pushed play. Well, I'm not trying to re-live my teens years that's for sure. Most of those years, bar one or two, I want to leave as far behind as I can. Also, it's not like watching porn. Well, maybe softcore. But who needs it? I'm married. Oh wait, sex is non-existent when you get married! For most anyway. 

Anyway, I remember when I was younger, that the movie showed me what living on the unknown could possibly be like. It showed me what passion and seduction could be. All with out a simple touch. It showed me something that I had longed for when I met the right girl. Remember, most of my teen years need to be left forgotten. 

There was once a time, back in college, that the girl that I was dating, we could have filed the roles of the two main characters in this movie. There were a few moments in our 5 year relationship that were as steamy as the last two love scenes in the movie.  And it only strengthened our relationship. Until it came time for us to part ways due to our studies. 

Since that time, I've been quiet on the western front. There have been a few times of sensual height, but never anything as close to those times with the young lady from college. The seduction, as we both seduced each other, the passion, the raw meaningful moments that make you feel like nothing you've felt before. Not knowing what was going to happen next, only to enjoy the sure happiness and pleasure. 

Watching the movie, It was if something awoke inside of me. Some that has long been buried. Feelings, urges to be re-explored and manifested into something that you can only feel at the right time. Something I have longed for for years. But, something that broke the mood when my wife spoke up and said, "All I see are tits, ass and screwing." I looked over and said, well, "It is an old Mickey Rourke film." She nodded. 

Way to ruin the mood. I was getting into the movie. Not because of the sex and nudity. Okay, well partially.  But into the atmosphere, the feeling I was getting looking into her eyes, her body language. The way he spoke, the way he was able to draw emotions with out touching. It was as if I was back to being with the girl from college. Maybe the wife picked up on that? That's why she made her comment. Though we've never discussed my past relationships, except one. And it wasn't like I was moaning and groaning on the couch or doing anything I shouldn't be doing.

So going back to my other post , I have been having this dream. A dream of a place that I've never been and probably will never be. With a person I've never fully seen their face. But it is someone I know, just don't know who. Doing things that were and all the way out of this movie. 

As it seems, even my current relationship is slightly strained. Seven years and going. But the spark that was once there seems to be a kindle ember now.  I guess in the end, it comes down to the fact that I lost something in me years ago. Something that I haven't been able to find. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But  there is a part of me that is looking. A part of me that does desire to rekindle the passion in me. 

At times, I feel like the main character. At times, I cannot express myself in feelings. I cannot enjoy the pleasures by touching. The longing of something that I cannot physically or emotionally understand. But, like the main character in the end of the movie, I am hoping one day, that it will come back. The passion, the understanding. The ability to feel and know that all I have is here.


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