January 18, 2012


So after 20+ years of not seeing my half sister, we spent about an hour on the phone. It wasn't all glitz and glamorous lights. Just a lot of questions. More so headed at me.  A lot of memories from the last time we did see each other and only things either of us would know. And a lot of wonders and curiosities.

There's more to come hopefully, but in the meantime, I am happy. But i'm also sad. Angry to say the least because of the history in our fathers side of the family. And the fact that she has not seen him in more time then I have. And it's been about 15 years for me.

The call did end up with her breaking down and crying. A lot to handle I suppose. We've both agreed to stay in touch. And I know there are more questions to come from both sides. As twenty years is a long time. And apparently I have a niece.

During our conversation, she did tell me that our father was on Facebook. hmmmm, bad mistake. But she knew nothing. I mean how could she after all these of not knowing me. Best of all, not knowing about me!  So I found him and sent him a message. It wasn't the go fuck off message that has been floating around in my head for 15 years. And it sure in hell wasn't the oh I miss you message. Just a message asking for answers. And come to find out, he lives an hour away. Oh what a small fucking world we live in.

Will I see him. Probably not. But who knows. It depends on the answers I get. As I've told him, I've grown past all the childish games. Guess we'll see when the time comes.

But at least, I found something tonight that I lost so long ago. A part of me that has been empty, wanting to know and hoping one day to get it back. Whether or not her and I continue to speak or not, I can partially close that hole now.



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