So i called my dad yesterday to wish him a happy fathers day. he sounded like he was glad to hear from me. but then the tone kinda went under as he told me he had back surgery 2 weeks ago.
tell me, as he didn't want to upset me then. but as a result of this
surgery, if it doesn't heal right, he may never work again. come to find
out, he has a degenerative disease that decays the spinal bones. and it
may come sooner rather then later, he may never be able to walk again.
since his mom died the week of my birthday last year, he's been in the
dumps. he's kinda in the same boat as im in. work wise anyway. he's held
3 jobs in the last 40+ years. he's that dedicated, but at the same time
he knows what comes first.
Then during this conversation, it came
out about my breakdown awhile ago, you remember that right?! Anyway, he
said he's sorry that he isn't able to help me right now. WTF????
it me who should be helping him? i mean after all, it was him who
bought me my first two cars when i couldn't. it was him who sent me
money in college for meds after a few days int he ER when no one else
could or would. It was him, who took it upon himself for 37 years, to raise me as his own child, knowing I wasn't.
His only blood child is living back with him now
to help around the house. and he will need it come fall to do all the
wood and what not.
I knew one day, i would have to help take care
of my parents. but it feels too soon. im only 38. my moms struggling to
survive. now this.
I feel lost again. feel like i can't do
enough. the job market in NY state is 10's worse then it is here. the
politicians are doing everything they can to drive people out while the
taxes go through the roof. and that whole area has some "spell" over it.
as it just brings you down. that's why i was glad i got out when i
I was always good at handling stress. but i guess not good
enough because of what happened last time. im afraid i might break
again. just because i know there's nothing i can do to help those that
have helped me all these years.
You know. life sucks the biggest,
smelliest pair of fucking monkey balls there is. and if this is, some
kind of test, well i have a pair of size 12 feet that im going to turn
sideways and put up someones ass and make them smile while i do it.
I can't help but feel helpless when not only am i struggling to get by
again. but my close friends (which there are like 2 or 3) and my family.
i was raised a lot better. but i just don't know what to do anymore.
Adrenaline (1) Art (17) Bucket List (1) Buffy (6) Cars (1) Charles Boyer (1) Christmas (1) Classics (2) Collections (4) Computers (16) confusion (3) corporate greed (7) Design (8) Dreams (10) fantasy (4) Feelings (1) Forza 6 (1) Frustration (4) Fun (3) funny (11) games (1) Gaming (3) General (91) Google+ (3) greed (3) Halloween (1) health (12) Hedy Lamarr (2) Hollywood Classics (1) horror (5) Ignorance (7) imagination (3) Journalism (1) Life (77) macabre (4) Military (1) Minecraft (3) Monster Trucks (1) Movie (3) Music (9) Ouch (2) Photos (1) Politics (24) Rant's (110) Religion (3) Romance (2) Sad (13) School (3) Silver Screen (1) Speed TV (1) Sports (6) Stupidity (2) Tech (18) TV (4) unemployment (2) Weird (2) World (5) Writings (11) WTH (5)
- ► 2013 (33)
- ▼ 2012 (66)
- ► 2011 (81)
- ► 2009 (37)