September 9, 2012

Artistic Map Way of Conscious

I remember growing up, always being one full of questions. Regardless of the situation, I always need to know more. At one point, I was told kids should be seen an not heard. Well, that may have been fine and dandy back in the days of King Arthur, but not to me.

I remember being forced to go to Sunday school as a kid. I hated it so. Not so much because of what i was learning. but because no one could or even answered the questions I had. So it was an early start to not liking organized religion. I'm not overly faithful, in the sense of religion. I do believe there is some sort of higher power. But i'm a person of science, physical proof.

I remember when my cousin got married. I walked into the church and though it were full of about 100 plus people, it felt like this massive empty cavern. There was no warmth or cold. No shinning light. Just a massive hall with a deafening echo. I figured I should have felt something, after all I was in a supposed House of God.

I've always respected others for their beliefs, but try not to get into religious discussion, as some people just go insane and get violent. My own beliefs? Not even sure I know what they are. Yet anyway.

But what I find funny though, is through out my artwork, it's full of angels. Not some glorious, horn blowing, pearly gate angels. But angels of battle. Weapons, armor and the things that should strike fear into a person. Yet on the other side of that coin, there is some grace and elegance to them as well.

One of my all time favorite quotes comes from a movie, The Prophecy.

Did you ever notice how in the Bible, when ever God needed to punish someone, or make an example, or whenever God needed a killing, he sent an angel? Did you ever wonder what a creature like that must be like? A whole existence spent praising your God, but always with one wing dipped in blood. Would you ever really want to see an angel?

I guess it's my queer way of looking at hypocracy and all the things that we deal with in our lives. We all struggle to be the best we can and to live in ways that make us comfortable. Some of us find guiding ways while others don't.

Sometimes we yearn for things we can't have and even times we seek things to make us feel better. And yet, a lot of times, I honestly don't think we even know what these things are. For me, since I don't seem to have any feelings toward religion and God, I look to myself for guidance and answers. And more time then not, I don't find what i'm looking for. Though it can be slapping me across the face. Sometimes, i come up with even more questions then I had going in. And come out more confused.

So when I sit at this computer and I start doing art. Part of it is what i'm looking for. Part of it is questions that I have that I haven't been ab'e to get answered. Sometimes it seems it's even a shimmer of hope to point me in a direction that will make me feel comfortable.

Be it these "battle angels," or some form of dark mythical images, I seem to be creating a road map of my mind. Right now, there is a battle raging with in. But i'm hoping that with this artistic map, all can be settled and out scathing or too much collateral damage. As the old saying goes, "X" marks the spot. I'm still following the dotted line.


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