December 4, 2012

Mental Bankruptcy

So, I've had two actual interviews since I started job hunting back in May. But I also had two phone screeners. So far, this is all I've had. So either I'm over qualified for anything I'm applying for, or not qualified enough.  But regardless, I need out of my current job and into a new one as of yesterday.

My stress levels have never been this high. Even during those rough periods as a teenager. During which time, there were periods of wondering if we would loose the house. Or the times when our mother was denied any help as a single working parent because she made $14 more then the state allowed to get help. So we would eat macaroni with milk and butter for weeks because it was cheap.

Or the times in collage, where all the money I had from my jobs went to pay bills and school supplies so I ate jelly sandwiches for a month. Because I wanted an education. Which in the end never worked out, because tuition kept going up every quarter, I had no more loans or scholarships to get. But yet, the stress didn't keep me down. Not like it is now.

A few weeks ago, the doctor put me on meds for the stress and anxiety. So far, it has been working. All but one day. I ended up with a customer that broke past the meds and I almost wigged on him. But then, he is a chronic customer and no matter what anyone says to him, including engineering supervisors, he doesn't listen.  That night, my blood pressure doubled and I started to see spots. So I dropped him off to a supervisor on duty and left my desk.

Currently this job has people leaving in exodus. Regardless whether or not they have a follow up job. It's gotten to the point, I have to go for a prevail for more teeth work, as I have an abscess and I can't get the time off. I've rescheduled this appointment from my only day off during the week due to job interviews. And if i just take the day off, I get written up. Gotta love corporate America.

Not to mention the fact that last week, my department had training on how to log in and use Direct Tv's systems, because were going to be supporting Direct TV. There's no rhyme nor reason for it. There's no reason these people can't call Direct TV like all the other customers. It feels like I just started working for Direct TV, but with out pay.

My department use to be one that you strived to get into. It was the best of the best when it came to tech support and projects. But not anymore. It's nothing more then a dumping ground. The morale in the department is at an all time low. And i'm sure if the 40 of us had something to fall back on, it would be left empty.

I read an article the other day over at Stop The Cap from an upset Frontier tech. And his words rang true. So much that it was if he was echoing my company. But in the end, as long as the shareholders are happy, that's all that matters, right?

So now, my company wants to spend $100,000 to move my department and put up a video wall so we can troubleshoot TV issues. No reason for it. We haven't needed one up to this point. Plus an additional $5,000 a month just to feed the video wall. But yet, we can't get a simple raise beyond 1% for the year.

I so need a mental vacation.
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