December 30, 2013

A Personal Look Back

As this year comes to a close, it's time to look forward. Though I'm not one for resolutions, as no one ever keeps them, I do try to keep a set of small goals in mind.

This year has been rough for a lot of people I know. Some almost lost everything they own, some lost their lives. Other's lost their jobs, like me and are doing what they can to get back on track.

Got the news that my dad had to have massive back surgery and is struggling to get by. It's rough that I haven't been able to get up there to help out or see him. I haven't been back home since 2009. He's one to not sit around and do anything. So it's even rougher on him. Plus the fact that the nerve blocks haven't helped him at all. Nor are the meds really helping.

My stress levels hit a point that I went from anxiety attacks to full blown panic attacks. Something totally new to me and something that actually caused massive fear. But in the end, I feel the pain was worth it to a degree. As they say, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. In this case, I would have to agree to that. As I no longer have a portion of my life that was causing that. I've moved on to a different aspect of my life, that seem to have bounties all around. Now it's time to seize them.

After about a month to two month hiatus, certain family members moved back into the house adding to stress levels. As their attitudes are venom. But my words and concerns seem to go unheard. If I wasn't such a nice person, (really I am), I would take the recordings I have and send them to DCF and see how they feel. And having to listen to it day in and day out makes me not want to be a really nice person. It's like nails on a chalk board.

I had a sort of falling out with someone very dear and close to me. It was months before we spoke again. Even now,  feel like I need to walk on egg shells once in awhile. But it feels good to have a friend back. As those are sorely lacking this day and age.

Above all though, I have had an excellent time with friends online. Have had the opportunity to meet some amazing people from all over the world. Some who have become dear to me. I was introduced to things I never would have known was out there. For that, I want to thank you all.

So I guess it's time to put this year in the books and start a new chapter. A chapter that I an hope to fill with adventure and intrigue.

November 18, 2013


I should be sleeping right now, as I have to be up in a few hours. I have a license to renew and have to go for a drug test for new work. Then a day followed of some home repair and cleaning. But like always, my legs are restless and there is a lot on my mind.

As I turned 40 a few hours ago, I began thinking. Age has always been a number for me, nothing more. But I've always used it age as a marker. A marker on how far ones gotten in their lives with the plans they laid out before them.

A lot of people don't make plans for themselves other than graduating high school and either going to the military or college. A few go to the extent of making plans for marriage and their homes, but far and few between. Those things normally just happen. And then there are the handful, that make plans for their kids to go to college, though in this day and age, those plans are sometimes lost in transition of trying to survive.

As kids, we dream big. Places we want to go, things we want to do. People we want to be. I will be the first to admit, I may not have had both parents in my life at all times, nor been well off with money, but there was always a roof over our heads and food on the table. Many times it was a struggle beyond belief.

And growing up, I had a lot of opportunities to do some of the things that I wanted to do. Go places I wanted to go. But those things barely put a notch in the bucket list. The ability to be in two movies, the ability to meet an idol and even the ability to live in a city that I'd always wanted to since I was knee high. I even took a very short period of time out and did a little travel. It wasn't anything I'd like it to have been, but I did it.

So where is all of this going? Well, at the age of 40, I would have thought I would have done a little bit more. Traveled to the places I really wanted to go to like England, Ireland, Italy and Egypt. Learn to hang glide and go sky diving. Learn to surf, though I tried body boarding this summer and my body and the ocean are not meant for one another.

I had so many ideas and thoughts growing up, to be a rocker star, to be in the movies, to be the next Salvador Dali, however, something always got in the way and things got put on the back burner. And as I sit here reading this, I realized, I haven't accomplished nearly a 1/3 of what I wanted to do.

Life is always about work. And those few times you do get to do something, no matter how small, you try and make the best of it. But there has to be a time when enough is enough and you get to do something that you want to do and not what others want you to do.

I wanted to do something this year for my birthday to make it memorable. To mark that age marker down as something accomplished. But since loosing my job, money is almost run out. And once I do get money, bills need to be caught up and car repairs need to be done.

In the end, I guess this will be a milestone that is missed.


November 4, 2013

Family Tree

So in the sleepless nights of my exsistance lately, I've started working on my family tree. I'm more in for it, for the pedigree than anything. But others in the family, not sure. They just want to know.
So I have a 14 day free trial for, so I decided why not. This would be the second time I've tried using their services. The last time was shortly after they came out on the internet. And man was hat more trouble than I wanted to put in.

All these years later, it's a lot easier for the most part, as so many people have started family tree's. It's easy to look up a lot of stuff and compare it to what you have. And you would be amazed at how many people out there have relatives of your's in their tree's. Mainly because trees branch out so much, it would take years and years to try and complete one.

Right now, I've been able to, in three days, thanks to others and Google search, go back to a distant relative John Munroe from Cornwall England. As well as the White family (still working on them) that was apparently loyalist to the English throne at the time of the Revolution. They moved to Canada after the War and weren't taken to kindly.

For the most part, starting with my grandmother, working up was somewhat easy. Cross checking here and there. Looking for records. Problem with the site is, you need to have a subscription, in order to gain access to anything out of this country. So, for the most part, the family is split in two, once they arrived here. Some moved from the states to New Brunswick Canada then back. Some stayed in the states.

So in order to get any documents from Canada, I either have to find alternative methods, or wait til I get back to work and some money saved to pay for the subscription.

Some of the names though are cool. Corlinda Bailey, Charity Sharp, Jeremiah Nightingale, Abigail Lippincott and Lavinia Chase.One thing I've noticed though, back then, 1600 to early 1900's, they believed in very large families. Talking anywhere from 8-14 children.

Had to piece this together from multiple screen shots. As it's getting huge.Though there is a lot more filled in below my grandmother, this all starts with her.  But I am having a little fun doing this. And it's taking my mind off the unemployment thing temporarily.


$63 Million Dollar Failure

Just like the Federal health site, even local health govt sites are failing. They spent $63 million on the new unemployment website for Florida, and so far it's been nothing but issues for people.

No word from the governors office, no one. Finally, Senator Nelson stepped up, but I really doubt it will get anything done soon. As politics is a waiting game. We've seen it first hand with the govt. shutdown.

I had to file and claim my first set of weeks the day before the system was converted. And just like the apparent 1 million plus other residents, I got screwed over. It's been almost 2 months, and still nothing. They finally asked me today, to fax over my termination papers.

Apparently though, I was flagged incorrectly. As the system disqualified my first two weeks claims. And I still cannot get an answer.

Everyday I look for jobs. It's gotten to the point,t hat all the job boards and recruiters are posting the same jobs as before. Ones I've filled out for. Everyday, I get emails for jobs I've never trained in or am even close to being basically qualified for. No hits on anything I am qualified for.

I've been keeping track of everything, and looking at it is making me more depressed than I already am. 

So as it stands right now, it's a lot like this actually! 


October 31, 2013

DIY Halloween

I remember Halloween as a kid. The costumes, the spooky set ups in peoples lawns the horror houses, The candy. But as time went on through the 80's and more and more incidents, people stopped taking kids out and took them to events.

This always saddened me. Especially when I would stay home to hand out candy. I love the costumes and the looks on younger faces to the scary outfits is priceless.

The price tag on this years Halloween is estimated at about $2.8 billion in candy. And yet, we may have had about 2 dozen trick or treaters.

If I had time and more money, I would do what I used to do. Decorate. I'm not talking about little black cat window clings and just pumpkins. but actual yard props, animations, etc. Which, can be done on a budget and still look good.

This is the first year that I've dressed up for Halloween in about 10 years. I've always had to work or have had no money. This year was no work and no money. But I had to. Halloween is MY holiday. Not Easter or Thanksgiving or even Christmas. Halloween had always been a creative outlet for me. And I feel it's time for me to get back to doing what I was always good at when I was younger. Just going to have to start early and build up.

I've checked a lot of DIY sites for Halloween. And in this day and age, one would think that they would actually look as good and be as informative as some of the stuff they have. Maybe I will start with a modernized DYI site for budget builders.

Years ago I had decent quality make up and appliances. However, over the years, it's all dried up. So it's been slowly thrown away. I stopped off at the Spirit Halloween store tonight and bought some stuff. However, the makeup was total garbage. Even the appliances didn't come with any liquid latex. So I improvised. Ended up using some Elmer's Glue. It gave the appliance a wet slimy look. At the same time, it gave it some flexibility to stretch away from the screen.

Took about 25 min to get it applied and dried, Then about another 15 minutes or so to just do a rough make up job. As I was staying in, the doorway was going to be pitch black. Only a small dime light to light the walkway, it would work. And it did. The little ones didn't know what to say. And were a little to scared to reach into the bowl for candy.

Just wish I had more time and money to buy the good stuff. And to make it really work.  But not bad for being out of 10 years of practice.

Take a look at this post from a few years ago. This was probably one of the best Halloweens I'd ever had.


October 29, 2013

Religious Persecution?

So, since I've been out of a job since last month, I've been looking and applying and feeling the rejections. Kinda like high school all over again with the girls.  But this rejection seems to fit better.

One application I filled out was for an IT position at the Campus Crusade for Christ International. It was a basic Help Desk position. Hardware, software, answer user questions. Matter of fact, here's the job application.

Take note of the summary and qualifications:
Installs, modifies, and makes repairs to personal computer hardware and software systems.

To perform this job successfully, an individual must be able to perform each essential duty satisfactorily. The requirements listed below are representative of the knowledge, skill, and/or ability required. Reasonable accommodations may be made to enable individuals with disabilities to perform the essential functions.

 So a few days later they sent me yet another application to fill out for possible employment. I'm thinking cool. A further step. As I started to read the application, I came across this.

Personal Relationship with Jesus ChristIt is our desire that all employees feel comfortable within the Christian environment they will find at our International Headquarters. Because of the unique nature and purpose of our organization, all employees are required to be involved in departmental Bible study, ministry training, prayer and worship experiences as part of their job description. Also, each employee is expected to be able to share with business associates, guests and visitors about his or her experience of having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. In light of these facts, the following information is requested as a bona fide occupational qualification.
A. Please give a brief statement of your personal relationship with Jesus Christ and how it
B. What church are you presently attending?      
City, State?       Head Pastor?      
C. What is your present level of church involvement?

Then it goes on to quote the following:

Campus Crusade for Christ is an equal opportunity employer and abides by Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and subsequent laws which have amended it. We will consider qualified applicants for a specific position without discrimination because of race, color, sex, national origin, citizenship, ancestry, marital status, age, disability or medical condition.

Notice anything? They completely left out the religion aspect of this federal law.  Which the law reads the following:

  • Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (Title VII), which prohibits employment discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin;

So in order to gain employment for a basic IT position, they are forcing the application into their religious beliefs, regardless of Federal Law. But then again, churches are a business not a faith. And we all know, corporations run this country and not the people elected. 

Going to send this to the Governors office to see what they say.

September 11, 2013

Oh Google, You Silly Dog You

So I've been going back and reading some older posts. And I've noticed, since I've cleaned out my photos over at G+, the same photo's have disappeared form here. Though I like the idea of things being tied together, come on man!

I'm not going to hunt these all down and upload them again. Some I don't even have, as they were cell shots that don't live any longer.

If a photo is posted here in a post, it should not be removed if it's not removed from here. Even if I do remove it from G+.

Desperation Road

I really haven't been on here enough this year to say so. So much has been going on and for the most part, not a lot of it for the good.

Just found out tonight, that a co-worker is taking time away from work. His health isn't doing so well. With the stress at work, the job will literally kill you. I wish him the best of luck.

I know how the stress can hurt. Just in the last year and a half, I've had a breakdown and developed anxiety attacks. Which just recently turned into full on panic attacks. All due to the stresses of work. With a little bit of help from home of course.

I've always seemed well off to manage the stress. But as time carries on, it seems more and more i'm so mentally drained at the end of the day, I can't think clear. And there's been more nights then not, I don't remember the drive home.

They've got me on meds, which I need off of. Mainly because I don't like meds. But more importantly, they can be addictive. I've already felt the side effects of them when I'm late on taking them on my days off. It's a feeling hard to describe. And it's a feeling I do not like one bit.

Even so, the days grow longer and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been applying for jobs since sometime last year. All in all, I think I've filled out close to 100 applications for posted jobs. Out of all of those, I've had two interviews and 2 phone screens. Not promising.

I wouldn't be looking so hard, if my job wasn't on the line due to some medical issues that have come on due to the stress. Not so much medical issues, but more like "rule" changes. Who's fault is it if they have the runs one day and spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom because of it? A write up is coming, guaranteed. Sick days? Forget it. If you don't get approval a head of time, write up.

Everything is a write up and your only aloud 6 for the year (and i'm over that limit). Used to be 6 for 6 months. But that changed. You used to be able to work 4 hours of voluntary overtime to remove a write up. But now it's changed to 8 hours. And they have to offer it first. With the amount of time they have been sending us home early, there's little chances for overtime. No overtime, no way to remove a write up.

I like what I do for the most part. But the majority of it has finally worn me down to nothing. Almost six years in the same company. Seems like a lot, but at the same time, it doesn't. I've watched many good people come and go. Even some good friends. But in the end, right now, it's all I have to pay the bills.

Haven't even had a real vacation in 5 years. I take some extra days here and there that can be approved. But that's it. I was able to squiggle 6 days this year between scheduling. And I got lucky at that. But it wasn't a vacation. Spent time with family from out of town. Lots of screaming kids, you know the feeling. What I need is a vacation of solitude. A place where I can ease, unplug and disconnect.

Be it going back home for a week, where I can go into the woods and sit there in silence. Or up on the hill tops at night and watch the snow fall in the towns at a distance. Or a beach vacation where there is no one to worry about but me and the better half. But Murphy always has a way of making things happen at all the wrong times.

August 17, 2013


It's been quite some time since I've posted anything. Between work and home, I've been so mentally exhausted, that I really haven't felt like it. But I have been keeping a journal of sorts.

Yesterday was a first for me. What I thought was an anxiety attack, something in which I've had already, turned out to be a full blown panic attack. It scared the hell out of me. I tried everything I knew to try and calm myself down. Breathing, meditation, but nothing worked. It got to the point, I couldn't even swallow my own saliva. Total feeling of no control. In the end, my boss drove me to the hospital and stayed with me until they checked me in. Even then, I couldn't even remember my information to give to the clerk. He even came and got me when they let me go, so I could get my things from work.

I've never experienced anything like that before. I've had the butterflies or emptiness in my stomach before from various things. Jumping from planes, auto derbies, etc. I've even felt the helplessness, when a cousin went into a seizure and stopped breathing in my arms. But yesterdays events took on a whole new meaning of fear. Guess that's why it's called a panic attack.

My Better half goes through them, but she's had them since she was little. And I've helped her through some very bad ones. And she scares me sometimes with those really bad ones.

I ended up falling asleep last night around 11, and didn't get up til about 10 this morning. I'm still tired and exhausted. I ended up taking today off. mainly because I'm afraid if it happens again. Which my dumb ass thought about it, and I started to feel the butterflies again. Stupid fuck. So I laid down on the couch and started mantra breathing. Took a few minutes but I was able to block out all sounds and calm down.

My other half told me I can't do that. I replied, "Yes I know, but it happened." She told me I can't let it get the best of me. This is something totally new to me. So I have to learn what it is and how to keep it under control.

The ER doctor even told me my heart is a little larger then normal. Though I am a little concerned about that, it doesn't worry me. I've known many people whose hearts are a little larger then normal. But also the doctor didn't seem to concerned about it, as she didn't order any other tests on it. But it is something I will be talking to me Dr about it and will be doing what I need to do.

To those who have Panic Attacks, I feel for you. I really do.

May 21, 2013

Excellent Service

For as long as I can remember, I've dealt with the public with my jobs. With The exception of those few factory jobs I've had. Be it working at McDonalds in high school, the department store as a stockperson, the automotive store as a parts manager and now as tech support for a phone company.

It wasn't a career choice and I would like to make a career change to something a little more suited for me to where I don't have to deal with the public as much. However, in the meantime, I do what I do and i'm good at what I do.

Now, yes anyone can do tech support. It's not hard. But in essence, it's how you do it. I've been told repeatedly for the last six and a half years that i've been in this position, that I should be a teacher. Not just by John Q. Public, but by teachers of all grade levels, both currently active and retired.

The way I take technical information, (which really isn't technical at all) and explain it to them in ways they can understand, makes for a good experience. Something i've been able to do really all my life. The ability to listen to a person to figure out what their issue is and find a way to get by their stubbornness to get it resolved.

So, it wasn't really a surprise so to speak, but in a way it was, that I was awarded with a customer service award for outstanding support. Why? I'm just doing what i'm paid to do. Yes, many hear me bitch and moan a lot about John Q Public and the fact that it seems today's society has gotten very lazy when it comes to common sense. I guess sometimes it feels I get up everyday, knowing I will be someones punching bag for their aggressions. Yet day in and day out, I do it, because I know I am good at it. And trust me, it has taken it's toll on me both mentally and medically.

In the end, I know that maybe one out of every eight or nine people I speak with will remember what I told them. And that the others let it go in one ear and out the other. But yet, for some reason I have a glimmer of hope that the words that come out of my mouth will have some kind of impact and help.

The more I think about it, maybe I should have been a teacher. Is it too late at 39 to go back to school?

May 16, 2013

9/11 Greed & Corruption Memorial

The 9/11 museum at the World Trade Center has made a decision to implement a mandatory admission fee when the museum opens next year.
While no decision has been made as to how much to charge, officials have revealed the fee can be anywhere from $20 to $25. The museum contains a a curated "collection of artifacts, stories, photos, video and other material" from the 9/11 terrorist attacks, according to the museum website.Those who want to enter memorial plaza can still enter for free. 

We knew this was coming. Every since the beginning, it was always about money. Always has been. They wanted to included shops and business spaces. They wanted this and that. 

Is there a specific reason, other than money, as to why it's so big? 

What I find funny is, the Shanksville PA memorial is free. But accepts donations. Guess what else is free. The Lincoln Memorial, The Jefferson Memorial and the WW2 Memorial, to name a few. 

I've been to some major art museums with cheaper fee's then this. And if you think about it, that's what they turned this into. And art museum.  Not so much about remembrance, but art and money. 

I would be okay with a nominal fee of $3-5. Maybe some donations. But a flat fee of $20-25?  Even the Warhol museum is cheaper than this and it's a nationally, if not a worldly renowned site. 

So at $20 at the expected 2.5 million first year visitors, comes out to about $50 million. How much are they paying the employees? Does it take that much to mop a floor or to empty trash cans or use some paper towels and windex on some glass?

Using the devastation caused by such a tragedy as a money making tourist attraction is despicable

But what else can one expect from it's government, both locally and federally. They've run their own states and country into the ground economically, they need to find other ways to make money. Which in the end will go elsewhere anyway.

It's just a shame that politics, greed and corruption had to get in the way.

May 6, 2013

Ballad of the Green Silk Shirt

For as long as I can remember, I have played tabletop games. Well, at least back to about 1988/89. From D&D, AD&D, Gurps, Rifts, Cthulhu and more. At one time, I was even active in the RPGA. Yes, I am NERD!

Some of the best weekends of my childhood were spent around the table using dice and our imaginations to create worlds that didn't exist. And even later on in the RPGA, meeting some of the best writers in the genre's at conventions and playing side by side with them like Ed Greenwood, made times better.

Over the years, life has moved on and so have I. But there are times I long for the night around the table with a group of people who are willing to throw the real world aside for a few hours, forget the rules, not judge others for the way they play and just have fun.

Since joining Google+, I have met others like +Stacy Dellorfano and +Amanda Blain , that I've realized there are still a lot of people out there who still play. And they're not young tweens hiding in a closet. Though I have yet to make a hangout for a game, my wishes haven't died.

But it was Stacy and her #MicromapMonday tag that got me thinking again. And while cleaning off my bookshelf this evening, I came across some old. A binder containing one of my RPGA characters.

Dru, as he is known, is a bard. Drusus Sinistari. A character I created back about 1991/92. Once i joined the RPGA, i carried him over and started him fresh. So I was technically running him twice. Weekend home groups and local group meets and conventions.

I was always one to work out a major background of any character I played. Especially ones I knew I would have for a long time, barring any insane DM that always threw dragons at you because he was bored.

Like all people, even my characters had quirks. I played them that way. Dru is no different. Well, that was until his last run in a RPGA convention that cursed him. And this is his story.

Like other bards, Dru is an entertainer. At least in his mind. His forte is song, (again, in his own mind). See, he can't sing unless under the strains and pressure of battle. On a normal day his voice will crack mirrors and glass. but in battle, his song will awaken the deepest beast in any mortal man. Quell the angriest of foe and even make animals love him (get your mind out of the gutter sicko).

If there is adventure to be had, you can find him there, under two conditions. One, no horses. He has a deathly fear of horses. A  pony or a mule he's fine with. But a horse, He will all but pass out if on top of one. Kinda makes travel hard. Two, do not make him get his clothes dirty. After all he is an entertainer. The greens silk shirt he wears is precious to him. it was the last thing his sister gave him before she disappeared.

Add to that his nicely groomed dark brown breeches, black feather hat with multiple colored feathers and knee high black leather boots, he has a making for a street walker on any corner in any city. And he carries one extra pair of clothes in case of emergency.  So he prefer to not get them dirty or damaged. But in the end, he has become a master at sewing and repair.

He is an artisan at handling two swords at the same time. Though he can wield just about anything, he prefers  his dual scimitars. Which coincidentally, he took from the dead body of an undead lord in some long forgotten catacomb.

Above all of his accomplishments, over anything else in life, he has one quest. Staying alive. See, he was cursed. He walks the streets in daylight, as a night walker. Or in layman's term, a vampire. Oh, but not a true vampire. Just the teeth. he can bite like one, and make people bleed, but his bite has the healing power of that of a cleric for disease. Problem is, his dracula fangs are all too prominent. Try telling the villagers who are tormented by the blood sucking dead that you're not one of them that can walk in the daylight. Makes for great chase scenes and lynch mobs!

Overall, he tries to be as sophisticated as James Bond, but more in reality he's like Matthew Lillard playing Shaggy Norville in Scooby Doo. But count on this, if there is a story to be told, treasure to find or a damsel in distress, he won't fail to have his companions backs.

Well of course, unless his clothes get dirty, then he'll whine like Paris Hilton.

Below: just some pictures:
1. Character sheet
2. Bards Guild Acceptance for the RPGA
3. Tome of Comprehend Languages
4. Anti Poison Fangs ( Nice curse)
5. Few convention awards for winning first place amongst some great role players
6. Overall First place at a convention in Rochester, NY


April 24, 2013

Get With The Times

Just got off the phone with my brother. He was having some internet issues. So guess who get's called! Anyway, Walked him through logging into him modem to get some stats. As far as line quality goes, amazing. Speed? That little rubber dome in the antarctic has faster internet speeds.

Basically it came down to his modem not authenticating because Frontier still uses PPPoE connections. So I told him to call. He did, there was an outage some 40 miles away that apparently is affecting him too. So then he asked the guy what speeds were available, because right now, his modem said he was getting 1.3mb. The guy said he was surprised, because according to their system, he could only get UP TO, 1mb, (for $35 a month)

Honestly, this really doesn't surprise me. Because Frontier is one of the biggest jokes around for ISP's. I had them when I lived in NY. Nothing but issues. And since Maggie took over, it seems she's done nothing but run the company into the ground.

Not to mention the possibilities of false advertising. As per their website, I put in his address and it said he could get up to 6mb. Which would be a lot better for his Xbox gaming then an Up To 1mb connection. Which I'm surprised he can even do it all, now that I know what he has.

Frontiers site even states they have $1.5 Billion Infrastructure investment. Yet they are just now getting around to upgrading their business sectors to a 10mb connection. And in some small cases a 25mb. Hell my company had that 5 years ago.

Reading press releases, it shows their mentality. They think like TIme Warner, saying that they could offer more speed but people don't want it.

Here's the real kicker. And i'm not a business major, so I may be wrong.

At December 31, 2012, the Company had 2,887,100 residential customers and 286,100 business customers. Now, in an article I read, one of the head honchos stated they had upgraded something like 150 of 190 dslam switch for faster speeds. And with 1.5 billion for investment, most of the rural areas should be able to go up faster than the possible 3mb that they've been stuck at for years on end.

There have been many ways they could have reduced cost over the years. One of them is stop sending techs out for every little problem. I know every time my brother calls in, up, got to send a tech out. It cost more to send that tech out then it does to have the desk rep fix the issue over the phone. As long as it's not a broken line. And most times it's just authentication issues.

Could have saved millions by getting off the PPPoE system and gone to DHCP. It's less equipment to maintain.For the most part, They use a Dlsam, Redback and Radius Server for authentication. KISS. Get rid of the radius server.

But in the end, regardless of whatever the issue is. Is the fact that it's 2013. I had Frontier back starting in 1999. And they have yet to do much of anything in most areas. Kinda like most other ISP's. Regardless of how many residential customers you have, it's all about serving the big business, government and universities. So even with roughly over 5 million residential internet subscribers. Some companies can't seem to keep constant bandwidth exhausts from happening. All because their main focus is on the 50-100mb fiber lines to government buildings and fiber to cell tower.


April 14, 2013

Any Method To the Madness?

I'm my worst enemy when it comes to my work. Be it writing, art, we are always our own worst critic. Trying to explain what I was looking for, what led me to create what I did. I don't do it. But I'm about to. Let's see if this works.

Just finished a piece called, Ultimate Sin. Like most others, it's created with the female body. Strong, unbending, powerful. Fantasy, yet realism. Mysticism and beliefs. But it's how I get to where I'm going that is so hard to explain.

When I create a piece of work, I have very little idea in mind. It maybe a song title, a lyrics  a pose or an object. Everything else just falls into place. But each place has a reason. And what that reason is, I usually don't know until i'm done. Kind of like the unconscious speaking.

Here's the piece:

The entire piece was inspired by two things. A friend on Google+ and music by Ozzy. Every piece of art you look at, you can interpret what you can from what you see. but very seldom, do you know what the artist was feeling, seeing or thinking at the time the piece was done. 

Over the course of the last 20 plus years, I've studied aspects of religion, occult and things in between. And they always seem to find their way into my work. Not my beliefs per se,  but things that creep back into my mind while working.

What I saw when I came up with this original idea was a woman breaking free and moving forward. Leaving behind whatever it was she had and making change for the better. Once I had this idea, I turned the music on, and let whatever was in there, come out.

For this particular piece, there was no grand scheme of where to place this or that. What colors to use. it started with a pose. A flower opening up. From there, the music took over.

It was Ozzy's, Ultimate Sin song that gave birth to the feel and mood to this piece. But it was also a lot of inner thought as it developed. The woman, coming to life. Reborn or changing herself. The ten candles, comes from the numerology and occult. Mainly the tarot deck. Think Wheel of Fortune. The books imply learning, knowledge, self improvement. Whatever the knowledge is, it's always a change.

The lidded boxes represent her secrets. Aka, skeletons in the closet. They could also represent new beginnings. In this particular case, one for each. The massive book is her road map. It's where's she's been. The rest of the pages are blank, as she has not yet bloomed to fill those in yet.

And the book on the table is her diary. Her thoughts, convictions. It's who she is. Add to that, the anthem on the pentagram, she has cut her binds from not only herself, but her past. She is willing to take the next step forward to being who she is. She has put the matter at hand over her spirit in order to blossom.

I've been asked quite a few times how I create my art. About tutorials. Truth be told, I can't. I don't create my art. In the sense that, I don't know the outcome. It's kind of like closing your eyes and gently pushing on them. you see stars that are ever transcending and moving. There is no known outcome to their patterns. So, unless i create something very specific in mind, which very seldom happens, there are no real tutorials on how it was created.

Another friend over at Google+ had some things to say about it. For the most part, she was correct in her thoughts and idea's. You can read it here.

But for the most part, when I create an image or writing, there is no set outcome. Whatever comes out is the final piece. It's what was whispering to me.  Hope this helps in the understanding of my messed up head. There is rhyme and reason to my madness. but I have yet to understand it myself.

Damned If You Do, Damned If You DOn't

Joe Pesci had it correct,

They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru, okay? They FUCK YOU at the drive-thru! They know you're gonna be miles away before you find out you got fucked! They know you're not gonna turn around and go back, they don't care. So who gets fucked? Ol' Leo Getz! Okay, sure! I don't give a fuck! I'm not eating this tuna, okay?

Problem is, it's not just the drive through anymore. There's a KFC about a minute from my house. Don't eat there all the time. Maybe once every 3-4 months. But every time we pick up dinner there, they can never get the order right. We can go through the drive through, we can do in and order from the counter. Not once.

There's been a few times, co-workers and I have gone here for lunch break. Even then, not busy at all, they can't get an order right. Missing food, given food that wasn't ordered. There's even been times, we've gone to order dinner and they state they're out of chicken. How the fuck can you be a chicken joint and be out of chicken? I mean that's like a brothel without prostitutes. Unheard of.

So, I've finally had enough and emailed HQ. What will that get me? nothing. Maybe a discount dinner. But all I want is customer service. I ask you for slaw, I don't want a chicken sandwich with nothing on it. If i order extra biscuits, I want the biscuits, not extra potatoes.

And for the employee at the drive through who stated they never get an order correct? Nice job.

March 28, 2013

Little To Late

Per my last post, pain is a whore of a bitch. It's 5:30 am and I'm sitting here typing. Why? Well, the pain in my mouth and jaw is so intense right now, it has brought tears to my eyes. I can't recall the last time I shed tears while in pain. Crushed wrist under and engine block? Nope. Broken wrist? Nope. Not even blowing out my knees on two separate occasions.

Last time I recall shedding a tear was when my grandmother died a few years ago. No, scratch that. I had a mental breakdown last May. Shed some tears then.

Regardless if the dentist wants to keep the tooth as an anchor point for the partial i'm going to be getting, this fucking tooth has got to come out. Four straight days of pain, 3 of those days breaking the pain scale. Even the small kidney stone I passed, about the size of a pin head, didn't compare to this.

I've been so drugged up the last two days, I've been in and out of sleep. I've been cranky and down right miserable. I've missed two days of work, getting ready for the third.

I'm just so tired, I want to sleep. but my body has other plans. Who ever thought of putting nerves and all that good stuff into a piece of bone needs a hole in their head. Just need to stay awake for the next few hours so I can call the office when they open. That's if I don't pass out.

I read it somewhere a long time ago, that a little pain is good for you. Who ever wrote that, said that needs to come here so i can kick then int he nuts with rusty, nail pointed boots.


March 27, 2013

Too Little, Too Much

Pain. What is it? It comes in all forms. Physical pain is a lot different then mental pain. But both forms hurt and always have side effects.

We've all had our share of both of these forms in one way or another. And it seems lately, that my tolerance to physical pain is rapidly going down. Broken bones, twists and sprains, even crushed hands have different degrees of pain. But for a guy, I think the two worse pains in physical form are kidney stones and tooth aches. (This does not include pain caused by accidents, etc.) But these are pains I've been through.

How much pain can one person take? Pain wears you down. Makes you miserable. In some cases, depending on how severe, can make you think things you normally wouldn't.

I've had my share of toothache pain. Some on varying small degree's. Other times on higher, I will kill you i'm so miserable degrees. Like right now. The pain cause by two teeth, both which need to be saved do to the partial i need to get. One a molar the other a bicuspid. Both have been cracked and are infected. I've dealt with it before. But this time around however, it's a lot different  I guess it's because both are acting up at the same time. But the pain goes from one side of the lower jaw to the other.

It hurts to open my mouth, it hurts to talk. It's even gone as far as causing minor ear aches in both ears. The antibiotics and pain meds have done little so far. I can't recall ever having this much pain before. Even when passing a very small kidney stone. I've been so drugged up on pain meds for the last 24 hours, i'm surprised i can complete a full thought.

On a scale of 1 to 10, I can say, anything upwards of an 8 or 9 i'm good with. It hurts, i'm overly miserable. But I can cope. If the pain hangs around 4-7,  I can function like normal, think. Just don't want to be bothered unless absolutely needed. For the last 3 days, it's broken the scale.

So why do I put up with it? Is it going to make me stronger because it hasn't killed me? Am I stupid? Even I don't have an answer to that one.

February 24, 2013

Screw Your Health, Line My Pockets

Really. It says it all. New York state has become a waste. What was once known as a cess pool of New Jersey, has been passed on to NY. What a lot of people fail to realize, is there is more to NY then NYC. The city is only part of it.

When you mention you're from NY, everyone assumes you mean NYC. Then comes the question, Bronx, Queens, etc. When you tell them from western NY, they're all like, oh. So dis-a-fucking-pointed.

For years, NY could get jack done in the government. Like most other dates, they couldn't pass a balanced budget on time. They kept raising taxes on the entire state just to fund NYC.

So what's this rant on? Well Bloombergs upcoming ban on soda. Yup, anything over 16 ounces. It's not about your health at all. If it was about health, they would ban it out right. Like they would ban smoking outright. Even better they would ban alcohol or even raise its prices. It's still cheaper to get drunk then it is to buy a pack of cigarettes.

Amid New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s ban on big sodas — taking effect in March — are some details that may have been overlooked. Say goodbye to that 2-liter soda with your pizza delivery, pitchers of soft drinks at your kid’s birthday party and some bottle-service mixers at your favorite nightclub, The New York Post reports. The mayor’s new rules prohibit restaurants from serving or selling soda in containers larger than 16 ounces. “It’s not fair. If you’re gonna tell me what to do, it’s no good,” Steve DiMaggio of Caruso’s in Brooklyn borough told The Post. “It’s gonna cost a lot more.” The rules will force consumers to pay more for smaller containers. Under the ban, they would have to buy six 12-ounce cans at an average cost of $7.50 to get an equivalent amount of a $3 2-liter bottle. Family-friendly venues, such as bowling alleys, will have to ditch their soda pitchers for parties, and Manhattan nightclubs no longer will be able to serve large mixers with their bottle service. “Oh, my God. Seriously?” Lamia Sunti, owner of the swanky West Village club Le Souk Harem, told The Post. “It’s not like one person is going to be drinking the whole carafe. It’s silly.”

The above taken from the Washington Times.

So if you really think about it. IT will cost more to buy enough soda for a family of 4 then one 2 liter of soda. Thus, NY makes more on taxes. So college students who order in pizza for the all nighter come term time, will have to scrounge the couches for loose change. Because now it will cost a lot more then it did. But if they were smart, they would just for go the soda and buy the beer. Because it will still be cheaper. They can study and get drunk. Just like the typical college kid.

Family's can start serving their kids wine at dinner like the French do. It will be cheaper per year if they do so.

So this ban isn't about your health. It's about lining the pockets of NY's already wealthy. And you can wager none of the extra tax money will ever see the light of day of any public program.

And I'm willing to wager, once NY finally get's of its ass and votes this guy out, he won't even stay around anymore. As he's building a major enterprise for himself in England. So he screws up NY enough then decides to tail it out in the end.

February 18, 2013

Is There Anyone In There

Feel so cold inside. Like an empty shell. There's bodies around but all they seem to do is take up space. I've forgotten what love is. What it feels like.  Thought it was coming back to me, but I was wrong. Day in and day out, I drudge on in this existence not knowing where I am. More important, who I am.

I haven't had any friends since we all separated and went our ways some ten years ago. Its hard to find people into what I like, unless their some pre puberty teen. Then, they don't even know what is coming. They're just happy with their cards and games.

I've always yearned for something more. Something I could never put my finger on. Adventure. Travel, exploration. Finding out what lies inside my head. More importantly, I've yearned for someone to do this with. Someone who can almost think like I do. But more so, show me love. Let me in. Let me into myself even. Someone to let me love them, yet they show love back.

Guess I ask for too much. Thought I found such a person. But it was smoke and mirrors on my part. Foolish I was. It had been about 15 years since I had those feelings. But these feelings were a ruse in themselves. Nothing, no one was there. No one that I could touch anyway.

In feel as though my life hasn't been what it could have been. I am nothing more then a puppet to those who really have no sure of dignity. What morales they have, need to brought into question. Not to mention their ethics.

People always want and not give. I am always giving and wanting but not receiving. I always give myself, my strength, my sanity. And a majority of the time there isn't even so much as an thank you.

Half my life is over and I still haven't accomplished much of anything I set out to long ago. There's so much stuck in my head, I have yet to figure out how to get it out. I'm stuck in my head. No escape. No sign of an opening. The one glimpse I thought i saw, I missed.

Just wish there was someone or something out there that could hear me. Understand me. Because I sure as hell can't.

As I lay here and write this, a million thoughts invade my mind. But they are so interwoven, I cant make heads or tales. My eyes are falling shut, yet my mind is racing full bore.

Let's see how long I can last. More to come....


February 10, 2013

Angel Dust, PCP, Crack Oh My...

I remember growing up in the 80's. It was party central. More like a party decade. You had mayors like Marion Barry being arrested for smoking crack at the end of a long drawn out decade of decadence. You had rocks stars living the life of drugs and music. And movies glorified sex, drugs and partying.

I remember growing up in a  small town that had nothing more then a 2 bit store, mini post office and 3 truck fire department. And we had teenagers overdosing on Angel Dust and flipping out on PCP. Matter of fact, my neighbors oldest daughter at the time, overdosed in front of our house one night on Angel Dust. She lived and had since moved on. Wasn't too long into my JR high years that there were many reported issues of stamps (you know the ones that go on mail for the USPS), being handed out and laced with acid.

The so called War On Drugs was never effective. In blind sight, it was more a waste of money then anything. Decades later, drugs are still flowing into the country. More and more dangerous drugs are being created and a majority of the drug slums still exist that were around 4 decades ago.

The second decade in the new millenia may not be as much as a party as the 80's was, but the drugs are, or at least seem to be a lot more dangerous. You still have marijuana and coke and crack. But the new kids on the block are more deadly and more addictive. So called Bath Salts.

Last time I knew, bath salts were something you put in the tub with water to soak in to relieve muscle aches. Now we have kids smoking shit like this. Now, I've always been behind the rally or movement, what ever you want to call it, to legalize weed. I've never seen it do things to a person that these other drugs and all this homemade shit do to a person. And I've never seen anyone "addicted" to it like one does with Meth and crack.

These new bath salts however are a whole different kind of monster. I'm not talking another Freddy Krueger or Jason here either. In Florida a lone, there have been multiple accounts of people who have been strung out on this garbage, that they tried eating someone alive. The starting of the Zombie Apocalypse? Even in Texas, a man was busted while strung out, eating a dog alive. WTF!!!!!!

So where is this going? Well, early yesterday morning, in the town next to where I grew up at the 24hr truck stop, a 15 year old was arrested after beating and biting his aunt. He too was strung out on Bath Salts. Now granted, there is jack shit to do in these small towns. But this??  Bath Salts have been banned in NY state for sale and possession since August of last year.

What has me worried is, that after 20+ years of working at school, my moms job was lost along with a lot of others. So she needed to find new work. She now works the front guest counter at this truck stop. There are some nights that she works til midnight or there after.

Now, I've had my share of scuffles in this place on a Friday or Saturday night after a night out with friends at the bar. Always seemed to be the same group of locals that started things. And there has been no blood loss between the two towns. But since then, it has been quite the family restaurant on the weekends.

My biggest worry is some young teenager or some person strung out on these Bath Salts shows up and starts shit. Normally there are no cops around until called. And by time they get there, damage is already been accumulated.

It's bad that I now have to have worry that my mom will be okay at her place of work. Granted, it maybe an isolated incident. But none the less, it makes one worry for the safety of friends and family.

The punishment for selling and possession of these substances, like most other laws is weak. They need to be ramped up. $500 fine and 15 days in jail? Really? How about $2000 and 30 days for the first offense and  accumulative $2000 and another 60 days for every offense there after? Plus the forfeiture of personal property until the fine is paid, which it must be paid before the jail term is over. Plus, no help from the government in the form of cash assistance and food stamps for half a year for the first offense and accumulative extra half for each other offense.


What Legacy?

As a kid, we have things that as we get older, we realize, if we only still had those, we would have a small investment for our nest eggs. Or we would have had something to pass off to our children's or relatives when we are gone.

I remember as a kid, I would get the occasional comic book. After reading it, it would get tossed aside and never though about again. Then through all the moving I did as a kid, they would get lost or badly damaged.
If I had known they would have been worth money at one point, maybe I would have taken better care of them.

Back in JR high, I got the idea to start collecting coins. It never mounted to much. I was more into music and getting laid then the investment of coins. I had some decent coins, but nothing that made me a millionaire. Not sure what ever happened to those.

As time went on and as I got older, I realized, I don't have anything to leave. I don't have kids. And at 39, I probably won't. But I do have two nephews. As young as they are, it will be a long time before they are ready for any type of collecting. Even if they are interested in it at all.

So recently, I started my comic collection all over again. And I got back into collecting coins. Now mind you, i'm not buying every $1,000 coin on the market. I've started small. Matter of fact, I'm having a lot of fun researching the coins, the history behind them. Something I never would have done int he past. And with the internet ow, it makes it easy. No waiting for books to be shipped from major city libraries to my small town library. Then only able to have the book a week.

I've signed up at a few Numismatic sites. Learning as much as I can. So far I have a nice small collection going. Not worth a whole lot. Maybe $300 at most. But it's a start and that's important. I don't plan on becoming a millionaire. But I do want something to leave behind for the boys should they need something. So between the the comics and the coins, I think they will do good.


February 7, 2013

I Expected This Much

About two years ago, I got together with 5 other co-workers to work on a project. It was to program and design a piece of software form the ground up for our customers of a particular service. The software not only did basic computer work, but was also an educational tool.

We finished a week ahead of schedule and began beta testing with actual customers. A week after that, they outsourced the department, so it killed the project.

Sometime in the middle of last summer, one of those co-workers spotted something on our network from our vendor -F-Secure. And identical piece of software with the same looks, and about 80% of the same features. Basically it was a clone of what we wrote. Problem is, this didn't work. Just like their previous version of said tool, it just was false information.

So for the last 5 months, I have been working with some management heads to see what it would take to gain control of the software again. Even if we had to remove certain aspects other then company branding which was obvious. If they're not going to use it, at least let those of us who still want to follow through with it, put it to good use.

Got the email today, no go. Doesn't matter if it's a Power Point presentation, an email, notes, etc, it all belongs to the company. Yeah I knew that. But what will it take to get control? Nothing. They don't want to release it.

We could redesign it ourselves. We have all the original files. Change code hear and there. But we don't want to take the chance of the lawyers coming after us. All of the code was basic info taken from Microsoft's Tech Net developer site. So it's freely available to anyone.

So there sits this good piece of software in limbo.


January 29, 2013

Tonto or Sitting Bull?

Over on G+, a friend, +Erica Lucarotti had posted a few images of a bow she was shooting that belonged to a friend. That had brought back a lot of memories for me when I was younger.

When I turned 15, my uncle gave me his old Martin compound because he bought a new one. IT was well used and needed some TLC. But the fact he wanted me to learn so I could hunt and he knew i could never afford a new one, it was awesome.

I ended up working on the farm a few extra weeks for money to buy upgrades and equipment. New arrows, field tips, strings and silencers to start. I never did go hunting that first year, though I did take my bow course. I was to interested in learning the bow.

The following summer, I spent more money and got better sights. Neon tipped so they were easier to see. Upgraded the quiver and tried the automatic release. Out of all of the upgrades, the auto release was the only thing to go. I felt I had no control as i couldn't feel the string on my fingers.

I spent hours outside at my uncles shooting. Learned how to control my breathing, how to adjust sights on the fly. The whole nine yards. My uncle even taught me a trick to learn how to shoot from behind cover. Basically take a few arrows and toss them up. Shoot from where ever they land. This worked great, as he had massive willow trees in his back yard that hung low. So there where times, where I had to kneel just to shoot.

This actually helped, because unlike gun hunting, bow hunting, very seldom will you drop your target with one arrow. And if you have to track, you need to make sure you can get the final shot off, even if you don't have that 100% direct shot.

It got to the point, I didn't go hunting much with the bow. I just spent all my time shooting. Maybe I should have gotten into a club or something, but there was nothing like that around. I remember not hearing anything but what I wanted to hear. I could zone out and "hear" the target. It was very peaceful. Kinda of weird for a deadly weapon.

I no longer have the bow. Sold it a long time ago when I went to college. Who needs a bow in a major city like Pittsburgh? I've been thinking for awhile now of getting another one. Just for something to do. These new bows look like something out of sci-fi movies. Twisted and bent, screaming of distortion. Other then re-curve, what happened to basic compounds?

Anyway, just a little reminiscent of days gone by. This image is not my bow, but identical to the one I had, minus of course my customization's.


January 27, 2013

Who's Who For 2013

I'm not sure what data they compiled or how they got to their final decision. But this is a strong list of companies. The title of the article is the Best 100 Companies To Work For In 2013.

Only one company from the telecommunications sector made it and it wasn't my company. Even though all of the market analyst and researchers say my company is great for long term investments for your portfolio, this list is more or less how employees and customers are treated.

What I find ironic is, we made the 15 Most Hated Companies In the US just last year.I can see why with over 250 complaints filled on the Consumer Affairs site. With the latest being just the other day. But it's no big surprise that we didn't make this list. There really is a big difference on which companies treat their employees and customers well to the ones who don't. But when your an acquisition company, nothing else matters except the bottom line and share holders. Now I may not have enough stock in the company to vote or have a say,  but I am a share holder. And I disagree on how this company treats people.

But then, I'm a simple employee who can be fired or outsourced in a blink of an eye.


Orlando Monster Jam - Speed TV

So I took my nieces little boy to see the big boys tonight. Son Uva Digger, Medusa, El Torro and more. I haven't been to see monster trucks since I was in high school. Then, it was nothing like this. This was actual production for Speed TV's Monster Jam series, which this will be aired Feb 1 at 3 pm on Speed TV (shameless, unpaid plug).

Needless to say, I had a great time. Though we did leave early because the little one decided no matter how loud these things were, he was going to fall asleep. So during Spider Man's freestyle run, he started to doze off. Only to come around before Spider Man crashed and burned.

It was an all day event, and if I didn't have to work mandatory overtime, I would have taken him earlier. Then we would have got to meet the drivers, see the trucks up close, etc. But he had a good time.


January 21, 2013

Burning Flames of Life

I was always one for having nightmares. They always let me know that I was still alive in side. Especially when I would wake up in a cold sweat, sheets drenched, heart racing.
It's been many years since ive had any. Not too long ago, they started again. But they were never as intense as they used to be. No cold sweats, no racing heart beat. Just typical nightmares.
Only once did I have one remotely close. It all started with an eerie feeling earlier in the day. That night, the nightmare had me standing in a burning house that seemed all too familiar. But I couldn't make it out. I was choking on smoke. When i did come too, i was a little out of it. Later that evening, my dad called and told me my grandmother passed away.
Hadn't had one since and that was 2 years ago. last night was different. Sitting at my PC, i was working on a web site and had this nagging feeling starting about 9pm. Something i couldn't place my hand on. A feeling that left me cold inside, empty. Finally i went to bed about 3:30 and passed out. awoke  at 5:00am sweating. And it was about 70 in the bedroom.
The nightmare is a little cloudy. But what is clear, is the fact i was standing in a massive burnt field as far as the eye could see. Burnt stumps smoldered, the ground smoked.
No sound what so ever. No echos of cries, no clamoring of insects or wildlife. Not even the crackle of a flame. Pure silence. I remember I started to walk, my feet getting warmer. I started to run up a small incline to stop and see a small tree stump that went untouched by the fire. Sitting at the base of the fire was a small baby four leaf clover. It too, untouched by the destruction.
As i leaned in to touch the clover, is when i woke up. Now, im not one for dream meanings. But the last time I had one like this, someone close to me perished.
I'm hoping everyone out there is doing good

January 19, 2013

Still On The Hunt

Since May of last year, I've been actively filling out applications for a new job. In today's world, the days of going to the job site and asking for an application are almost all but gone. Unless it's places like Mcdonalds, or CVS. Hell, even Wally World does online applications.

I keep a record of what get's sent out, who I speak with, etc. And so far, out of over 70 applications, there have been 2 phone screeners and 2 sit down interviews. The majority of my replies are you're over qualified  not qualified enough or the best one is, it's already filled.

These companies want everything for nothing and are the ones making jobs so hard to find. What it comes down to I think, in my opinion is, because i don't have a degree or am not paying back a current student loan, they feel i won't be worth any value to them because i can walk at any time. regardless of my real world experience or the fact that I've stayed at my jobs for a great length of time.

Guess my decision years ago when I got into tech to learn as much as I can, but have no one real specialization has hurt me. Though I can design web sites, install networks, do network security, minor programming, graphic design and a lot more there is no one specialization.

Jack of all trades, but a master of none. And to pay for schooling now is something I have thought about. But I really don't want to take out loans, because should something happen, I need to make sure I can repay those. So grants and scholarships is the way to go really. but not too many I have found for technology basics.

I'm sure if I got a degree in Computer Science it would help. But what I would really like to do is get into Cyber Security.

Captain's Log: Star Date - Eh, Who Am I Kidding?

Sitting here at 6:45 am staring blankly at the computer screen. Why? Normally by now, if my insomnia was in full swing, i'd probably just be going to bed. After getting out of work about 9:30 last night, and in bed by a little after midnight, my usual hour or so of tossing and turning and here I am. Waiting to head into work for overtime.

Really, I am surprised i'm able to complete full sentences right now, much less than a complete thought. The coffee sits here mocking me, knowing it has no effect on me to wake me up. Just the fact that it's hot and as I drink it, the heat loosens up the garbage in my head.

I've never been a morning person. All my best work was always done in the wee hours of the morning. Some say that people like that are usually highly intelligent. Sometimes I beg to differ. Even in the military, waking up at 0500 and some days at 0430, I would look through the drill sergeants and fantasize them being tortured like those people Chuck Norris was always sent to rescue.

Now the birds are chirping away outside my window. It's still fucking dark outside. Go back to sleep you furry little bastards. Hell, even the sun hasn't even rolled over to hit the snooze button yet. There's no worms out yet. And if there are, they're not just getting up. Hell, they're just getting home from a night out in the Rancor Pits from a full night of partying.

What makes it worse is, it's Saturday morning. And there's not a damn good cartoon on TV. Not like there was  back in the day. No Bugs Bunny, Mighty Mouse, Tom and Jerry, nada   I might get to watch reruns of the porn watcher Sponge Boob or some campy remake of what should have been defunct by now Power Rangers, (Pink and Green ranger all the way). Can't even enjoy a simple hour or so staring blankly at flashing colors of outdated decent animation. What a rip off.

So, while I get ready to coddle people who are too ignorant to read the little instruction manual that came with their DSL modem that says, "Your wireless network and wireless password are printed on the bottom of the modem," and yet call in complaining they can't connect to the internet because they don't know what the wireless password is... Or for those people who think "b" and "8" are the same character and can't get their password right.... You all have a wonderful Saturday morning.

I so wish I could replicate myself sometimes!!!!!!

January 15, 2013

Say Goodbye To My Little Friend

An assault weapon has a detachable magazine, in conjunction with one, two, or more other features such as a pistol grip, a folding stock, a flash suppressor, or a bayonet lug

NY States new Gun Law:
Under the stricter definitions, semi-automatic pistols and rifles with detachable magazines and one military style feature will be considered assault weapons.

So according to the definition of an assault weapon, a pistol grip is a military style feature. So essentially, what NY State just did, is outlaw all semi automatic pistols such as the Glocks, M&P's, Beretta's and all other hand guns that have a pistol grip and use a detachable magazine.

But it doesn't outlaw a .38 with speed loader? To load your cylinder, align, drop and pull rearward, done! With about 10 minutes practice, you can load one of these as fast as changing a magazine in a Glock.

All dealers in ammunition must be registered with the State Police, and each sale will require both a state background check and transmission of a record of the sale to State Police in real time

Who's paying for this software and network set up? This is about every gun shop in NY as well as shooting range and gun club. Does separate sales of powder, load/shot and slug count as ammunition since it is not one piece in a box? But separate pieces where a user can reload rounds in their house?

Honestly, this new law doesn't do much to protect us. It more or less hampers law abiding citizens. The criminals will still get their guns, they will still shoot people. It's not going to stop that. It will only make them stay behind bars a few years longer, but not prevent anything.

What I think is far more worse then anything in the bill is the fact that, they snuck this in over night on Monday and passed it on Tuesday. So none actually had anytime to read it and voice concerns. But then again, that's just like anything NY State has done. But when things really matter like jobs, economy, they can't do squat. Yet another reason I will not move back to NY. 

To read more, check out this link from my home town news channel:

One part f the bill which I do support is the registration  I've always thought that you should have to register your weapons every few years like you do your vehicles. As long as you register the weapons every few years for a small fee like $10 a weapon, then it's good. Say maybe every five years. Even if you have 6 weapons that need to be registered, that's still cheaper then the registration on your car or truck every two years.

The registration isn't hampering anything. If anything, if the gun is stolen and you do your duty to report it, then when found it can be returned. Unless it was used to kill someone. But then the insurance can repay since a claim was filed. 

First Check Of The Year - Big Surprise

So we got paid last week. First check of the year. Now I've been with he company for six years. And to my big surprise, This was also the smallest check I've ever gotten. Which includes holiday pay for New Years.

So I grossed almost $1125 but only brought home $769. Big fucking difference there Tonto. Broke out my Bat computer and started some calculations.

There's three types of deductions from our checks. These are Taxes, Pre-Taxes and Post Taxes. Taxes being what it says, Federal, Social and Medicare. Pre-Taxes being the 401k and health benefits and Post-Taxes being Stock options, Life insurance etc.

So looking at my pay stub, I had in 82 hours and 49 minutes. So that is 2 hours and 49 minutes of overtime as well.  Now let's look at the deductions.

Taxes - $160.15
Pre-Tax - $115.96
Post Tax - $76.91

Total: 353.02

Normally, when I gross over $1,000, my bring home is usually around 825-850 per check. So today, I canceled my Stock Options. I will keep the stocks I own, However, no more money will be taken out for more purchase. I will sit on what I have. I also lowered my 401k from 4% to 1%.

Barring cancelling my health benefits all together, There's a need to find more money here.

And on a side note, I find it very funny like Wally explaining to the Beaver what masturbation is, that I work for the countries 3rd largest phone company and get a $5 employee discount on my home phone bill. But Because I work for the phone company, I get a 21% discount on my cell phone bill through Sprint.


NY Has To Be The First

Always knew NY would be the first for this. But here's a few things i'm not liking about this, as there is very vague wording.

1- It would create a more powerful tool to require the reporting of mentally ill people who say they intend to use a gun illegally

So this includes all inmates, anyone on any kind of medication and anyone who just gets pissed enough to yell, i'll shoot you? Where is the line of the "Mentally Ill" and the normal person who gets pissed off?

2- failing to safely store a weapon could be subject to a misdemeanor charge

What is their idea of safely storing a weapon? Some gun cabinets being sold and in homes have glass front doors (like this one from Dicks Sporting goods: Is that considered safe? Will this require all gun owners to purchase a bio-metric gun safe? Will this portion require all guns owners to now have a house alarm through some company like ADT? How will they know if a gun is stored safely or not? Are they going to be going home to home and checking?

3- An owner caught at home with eight or more bullets in a magazine could face a misdemeanor charge.

How will they know? Are they going to go house to house asking to see all weapons and ammunition? A standard Glock 37 comes with a 10 round clip. While for first time buyers, the Glock 17 comes with a 17 round clip with 19/33 as options. So now as an owner, I not only have to sell the stock part, but buy a extra part? And as a collector, now i just devalued my collection because the stock part is now considered illegal?
Even a hunting rifle, not an assault rifle, such as the Marlin XT-22 (.22 caliber comes with a 10 round tubular magazine. Which, even by CA laws are legal as it's rim fire.

These weapons listed are not assault rifles like the AR-15 Bushmaster, or the M&P rifles from Smith and Wesson. However, they can cause just as much damage in the wrong hands.

These laws that are about to be passed are going to do nothing to protect me, you or your kids. Because they're not getting to the root cause as to why these people are taking their frustrations out on innocents with a gun. 

Mark my words, with all the media attention they're getting. Some fucking moron is going to one up them and blow some shit up with items bought at Home Depot, Lowes and Walmart. It's inevitable.

January 4, 2013

Large, Rich and Scrooged

I find it funny that, the company I work for is the third largest phone company in the US. Yet, we have more internal software issues on a daily basis, its not funny. Seems everyday, multiple servers or internal services go down, interrupting work flow. Sometimes, the same service will go down multiple times a day.
For a communications company, we fail at proper communication. And for a company that has on average of a quarterly profit of over half a million plus, we can't seem to get decent working services. Hell, we even own one of the largest cloud computing companies. And yet the internal employees suffer as much as our customers.
They wonder why our morale is low' when we can't help our customers because our tools do not work and the customer gets upset. Spend some damn money and give use good tools to do your job for you.

No respect. No respect at all

So, apparently respect doesn't mean much to some. Being a puppet is fine. Mastering the art of ass kissing is more then a proficiency for them. It s their existence. Its the reason they breath when they wake up in the morning.

Always saying yes ma'am, no sir, how can I please you more master, is not for me. I will respect you, as long as you respect me. But, if you want to be a self centered ass, then don't really expect much from me.

So my decision to take a demotion, because I have been tired of the bullshit, lack of respect, and being a dumping ground for anything and everything, it seems to some that I'm weak. Or at best, not worth it. Yet, its these same self centered assholes that master the art of ass kissing, that have come to this conclusion.

But in the end, really, its me who will make out. It seems out of those and myself, I have better ability to think outside the box to solve problems. And I'm one to go out of my way to help others when needed.

So in the end, you may think I'm weak or I walked away. You're right. I walked away for sanity reasons and self respect. So please say what you will. However, I'll be more then happy to light your basket on fire as you head to hell.!



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