September 11, 2013

Desperation Road

I really haven't been on here enough this year to say so. So much has been going on and for the most part, not a lot of it for the good.

Just found out tonight, that a co-worker is taking time away from work. His health isn't doing so well. With the stress at work, the job will literally kill you. I wish him the best of luck.

I know how the stress can hurt. Just in the last year and a half, I've had a breakdown and developed anxiety attacks. Which just recently turned into full on panic attacks. All due to the stresses of work. With a little bit of help from home of course.

I've always seemed well off to manage the stress. But as time carries on, it seems more and more i'm so mentally drained at the end of the day, I can't think clear. And there's been more nights then not, I don't remember the drive home.

They've got me on meds, which I need off of. Mainly because I don't like meds. But more importantly, they can be addictive. I've already felt the side effects of them when I'm late on taking them on my days off. It's a feeling hard to describe. And it's a feeling I do not like one bit.

Even so, the days grow longer and I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been applying for jobs since sometime last year. All in all, I think I've filled out close to 100 applications for posted jobs. Out of all of those, I've had two interviews and 2 phone screens. Not promising.

I wouldn't be looking so hard, if my job wasn't on the line due to some medical issues that have come on due to the stress. Not so much medical issues, but more like "rule" changes. Who's fault is it if they have the runs one day and spend about 20 minutes in the bathroom because of it? A write up is coming, guaranteed. Sick days? Forget it. If you don't get approval a head of time, write up.

Everything is a write up and your only aloud 6 for the year (and i'm over that limit). Used to be 6 for 6 months. But that changed. You used to be able to work 4 hours of voluntary overtime to remove a write up. But now it's changed to 8 hours. And they have to offer it first. With the amount of time they have been sending us home early, there's little chances for overtime. No overtime, no way to remove a write up.

I like what I do for the most part. But the majority of it has finally worn me down to nothing. Almost six years in the same company. Seems like a lot, but at the same time, it doesn't. I've watched many good people come and go. Even some good friends. But in the end, right now, it's all I have to pay the bills.

Haven't even had a real vacation in 5 years. I take some extra days here and there that can be approved. But that's it. I was able to squiggle 6 days this year between scheduling. And I got lucky at that. But it wasn't a vacation. Spent time with family from out of town. Lots of screaming kids, you know the feeling. What I need is a vacation of solitude. A place where I can ease, unplug and disconnect.

Be it going back home for a week, where I can go into the woods and sit there in silence. Or up on the hill tops at night and watch the snow fall in the towns at a distance. Or a beach vacation where there is no one to worry about but me and the better half. But Murphy always has a way of making things happen at all the wrong times.


Adrenaline (1) Art (17) Bucket List (1) Buffy (6) Cars (1) Charles Boyer (1) Christmas (1) Classics (2) Collections (4) Computers (16) confusion (3) corporate greed (7) Design (8) Dreams (10) fantasy (4) Feelings (1) Forza 6 (1) Frustration (4) Fun (3) funny (11) games (1) Gaming (3) General (91) Google+ (3) greed (3) Halloween (1) health (12) Hedy Lamarr (2) Hollywood Classics (1) horror (5) Ignorance (7) imagination (3) Journalism (1) Life (77) macabre (4) Military (1) Minecraft (3) Monster Trucks (1) Movie (3) Music (9) Ouch (2) Photos (1) Politics (24) Rant's (110) Religion (3) Romance (2) Sad (13) School (3) Silver Screen (1) Speed TV (1) Sports (6) Stupidity (2) Tech (18) TV (4) unemployment (2) Weird (2) World (5) Writings (11) WTH (5)

Google+ Followers

Copyright © Alt+F4 | Powered by Blogger