February 3, 2014

Anxiety and Me

I've been so frustrated as of late. I've had 3 weeks of classes, followed by work. Making a normal day into roughly a 17 hour day. As soon as I would get home, I would study for a few hours. Try for about four hours of sleep then start all over.

Now, i'm done with classes for a bit, but I have three exams I have to pass. Each exam requires for 90% or better practice exams before I can take the final for each class. Easy right? I've been doing this for the better part of 15 years. WRONG! I keep failing these practice exams miserably.

So where am I going wrong? Well, it's the little technicalities they want. For example, when building a new PC or server, one looks at the manual or the board specifications to see what is and isn't compatible. The exams want to know the tiny details of the hardware. I've never counted pins and numbers. I just looked at the manual. I've built so many of these, I can do it with my eyes closed. And i've only had an issue once in 15 years.

I don't know the speed of lengths of cable at 300 meters. I just know you're not taking a USB cable 300 meters but you can a fiber cable and an ethernet cable. Like i know most motherboards are a form of the ATX standard and have been for decades. But who cares about the damn size in inches? Either it will fit the case or it won't. That's why you do your homework first.

Finally last night, I got a few passing grades on a couple exams and emailed them in. I need a few more for that test. But then I need to do the other two exam practice tests as well. It's things I do every day but don't know the technical NASA details. And it's getting the better of me. Even the teacher said the practice exams cover more than what the real ones do. As the real tests only give questions on current stuff. Where as the practice exams cover everything that's been out since the dawn of man kind.

And I've been so stressed out, I left work early yesterday. I honestly thought I was done at 6, but I was supposed to be done at 6:30. Doesn't help they changed my schedule and the new hours just started. After taking the exams and passing last night, laying in bed, an anxiety attack hit me. I just zoned everything out and breathed. Took about 20 minutes, but I was finally able to calm down.

All i know is, I need these certifications. Because I've had my fill of help desk. It's morally demeaning. I like to help people, but there is a line and that line is cracking.

So for the remainder of this week, after work, I will be hitting the books still and taking these practice exams so I can get the real ones out of the way. And the messed up part about all of this, these are the easy exams. The hard ones are yet to come. But then again, most easy things I have difficulty with and the hard stuff usually makes sense to me.


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